A lot can happen in one month. My baby is a month old today. It's crazy to think that it's already been a month, when some days if feels like this month has been going on forever. At 1:45 on February 24, my beautiful miracle baby came into my life. Some of the emotions I've experienced in the last month have been some of the most intense I've ever had. But I wouldn't change it for anything. The journey to get her here, was even eventful. But the end result was Miss Madison, and I would do it again for her, in a heartbeat.
In the last month, she was born. Taken immediately into the NICU, without seeing Mom or Dad first. It was 13 hours before I got to see her for the first time, and another 2 days before I could hold her. She was on a C-pap breathing machine, which came off after just 4 days. She was on IV nutrition, which came out after about a week. She had to lay under the Billie lights for a week. Was in an isolet for 3 weeks, now she thinks she's a big girl in a crib. She is still trying to master eating, and breathing, but she is getting there. She had her first bath, that she promptly pooped in. Madison is getting bigger everyday.
Her little personality is starting to shine through. She is a very good baby, until she gets mad. And then everyone around her knows. Once she has calmed down she makes this cute little grunting noise. As if to let you know, she's ok now, but you really did just make her mad, and you better not do it again. She loves kangaroo care times with Mommy and Daddy. She hates it when the Drs listen to her heart and belly, and really hates it when they measure her tummy (but what girl enjoys that?) And lately she seems to think it's a good idea to wait until the diaper is open before she poops. (That happened TWICE yesterday and ONLY to me lol) She knows when it's getting close to time to eat. She gets excited and starts trying to chomp and anything near her mouth. All of the nurses love her, and ask to be assigned to her. She has an amazing spirit, that has touched many people in her short life so far. She defiantly knows her mom and dad, and will look for where the sound of our voices are coming from. And will almost always calm, when Tyler starts singing to her.
I cannot wait to bring this little girl home! I can't wait to learn more about this little person, her likes and dislikes. We are getting closer everyday to that ultimate goal of home. Of course they won't give us a date, too much is still up in the air. But I'm getting excited for the day they say, she's ready. There will be tears of joy all over the place. I will be sad to leave the nurses behind, who I've come to call my friends. But you better believe I will not be sad to leave the hospital behind.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Thursday, March 22, 2012
I just don't know yet.
As I was laying in bed last night, trying to get Tyler to have a late night conversation (it didn't last long, he started snoring before I could finish my thoughts lol) I realized something. I am still having struggles with Madison being in the NICU.
My little Miss Madison is doing very well, and our days have become pretty routine. I get the at 8:00ish, take her temp., change a diaper (sometimes 2 if she's not done with the first one yet), clean her little face, and feed her. Then we get some cuddle time in, and then we repeat every 3 hours. I stay from 8-1230 or 1, and then I come home and take care of my domestic stuff. And then after dinner Tyler and I go back to hospital for a few more hours.
But despite the routine we have, and the shaky confidence we are gaining, in learning how to take care of her, and that we are slowly getting closer to taking her home. In the back of my mind I worry that things might take a turn for the worst. It's hard to hear the calls for "code blue", and see the life flight crew walking around. I know that it could have very easily been us. But thank heavens it wasn't, and I pray every night that is isn't ever us.
You know what the most annoying thing people ask us now that she's been in the hospital for just about a month? "When is she coming home?" Or any variation of that question. Let me answer for you? I DON'T KNOW! Of course I don't answer that way, but sometimes I would like to. I usually opt for the polite "well it depends on her, and how she continues to do."
I know people are asking because the are curious. But guess what? So I am. I wish I knew when she is coming home. I wish I had an exact date for when I can bring her to her home, and tuck her into her bed. But the fact is, I don't know. And I won't know until a few days before I can bring her home. I believe me, when I find out what that date is I will shout from the roof tops that my baby is coming home! So until that day, I will keep answering the questions, that people will keep asking.
And this is pretty much what I would have told my sleepy husband, had he not started snoring during the middle of my thoughts. :)
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Oh Crap....Literally
Today, was a good day. We got to experience an awesome first with Madison. Although it was in a hospital setting, with a nurse helping a little. WE GOT TO GIVE MADISON A BATH!! She was still hooked up to her oxygen, and we needed some hints and encouragement from the nurse. So we didn't get to try and figure it out on our own. But in a way that's when being in the NICU is a blessing. We are learning how to take care of Madison with nurses by our sides. So when we get home, all we'll have to do is, pull up the advice from the nurses, and hope we don't mess it up too badly.
This evening, the nurse came into the room, and asked if we still wanted to give her a bath. Uh duh! Of course we did. So off she went to find a bath tub. When she came back, she had a large Tupperware container. I chuckled we get to bathe her in Tupperware! Because she is so small we had to do a swaddle bath. Which is exactly what it sounds like. We wrap her in a blanket and put her in the water. She stays in the blanket, and we uncover her to wash and then cover her back up. It keeps her warm, and feeling secure.
Everything was going well, I had her little toes and legs washed. She has a label taped to her leg with her information on it. It was time for a new one, so the nurse went to find some baby oil to get it off. While she was gone, I was trying to keep Madisons' binky in her mouth. And then I looked down towards her feet, and realized to my HORROR she had pooped in the bath! Now poop from a baby that is breast fed, is a little different. It is yellow, and kinda seedy, and floats. So it got EVERYWHERE! Tyler and I were laughing so hard. It was gross, but so funny. So being mom, I stuck my hands in the water to lift my baby up a little so that she wouldn't get it in her face.
In one night we had two first. A bath, and a poop in the bath. Even though they happened in the hospital it was a great memory, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
This evening, the nurse came into the room, and asked if we still wanted to give her a bath. Uh duh! Of course we did. So off she went to find a bath tub. When she came back, she had a large Tupperware container. I chuckled we get to bathe her in Tupperware! Because she is so small we had to do a swaddle bath. Which is exactly what it sounds like. We wrap her in a blanket and put her in the water. She stays in the blanket, and we uncover her to wash and then cover her back up. It keeps her warm, and feeling secure.
Everything was going well, I had her little toes and legs washed. She has a label taped to her leg with her information on it. It was time for a new one, so the nurse went to find some baby oil to get it off. While she was gone, I was trying to keep Madisons' binky in her mouth. And then I looked down towards her feet, and realized to my HORROR she had pooped in the bath! Now poop from a baby that is breast fed, is a little different. It is yellow, and kinda seedy, and floats. So it got EVERYWHERE! Tyler and I were laughing so hard. It was gross, but so funny. So being mom, I stuck my hands in the water to lift my baby up a little so that she wouldn't get it in her face.
In one night we had two first. A bath, and a poop in the bath. Even though they happened in the hospital it was a great memory, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
I've turned into a cow!
Boobs, today's topic is boobs. And well more specifically breast feeding. So any male followers I may have out there, consider yourself warned!
Before I got pregnant, I was against breast feeding. Not in general, but for myself. I wasn't breast fed and I turned out just fine! And while doctors say that breast milk is the best, I think babies can do just fine with formula. My decision was purely a selfish one. I didn't want my boobs to sag when I'm older. All the horror stories I'd heard through out the years didn't help either. Chapped nipples, clogged milk ducts...uhh no thank you. Plus, the thought of having a little creature attached to my boob ALL THE TIME (practically) was just not something that appealed to me at all.
THEN I got pregnant, and I started thinking about it. I mean women have been doing it for forever. Then I did some research. Yes, formula is just fine for babies, BUT breast milk is BETTER. There are things in it, that cannot be artificially made and added. For instance, I find it fascinating that she receives some of my immune system through breast milk. I still wasn't convince, but the idea was growing on me. And I figured I had 9 WHOLE months to wrestle with the idea. So I kind of put it on the back burner to deal with later.
And a short 7 months later, I was in the hospital, dealing with high blood pressure. It would have been nice to have made some of our major decisions before then. Because in those two weeks, my focus was on myself and keeping Madison safe for as long as I could. And really the thought of breast milk vs. formula never came up, and I didn't think about it.
However, the Sunday after she was born sooo Feb. 26th, the question was raised, and settled once and for all. I was in the NICU with Tyler and the nurse Ramona (amazing woman by the way) came in to talk to us about Madisons' care. The first thing she asked was breast or formula? And before I even had a chance to think about it, breast popped out of my mouth. I just knew then that I had to breast feed her. I had to give her the best fighting chance I could. Then Ramona asked us another question that kind of startled me. Obviously since I didn't carry to term, my body wasn't quite ready to produce milk yet. So what do you feed her while she waits for my milk to come in? I mean the girl still had to eat. The options were formula, or human pasteurized milk from donor moms. I was shocked! I had no idea that donor milk was even an option. Ramona assured us that the milk was safe and free of any diseases. Once again before I even had a chance to think about it, breast milk came out of my mouth. My reasons being, that once my milk did come in, it wouldn't be such a shock to her system. So after that visit I went up to my room and began to pump. Most of the nurses told me to give it about a week before my milk came in. But in a short 2 days, my milk came in, and it was the next day that I was producing enough for them to give her my milk exclusively.
So now I am attached to a breast pump...oh joy. Sometimes I worry that I'm not doing it enough (6-7 times a day) and that I may not be producing enough for her. But I remind myself, that I will give her everything I can for as long as I can. And if we have to switch to formula, or supplement with formula, then that's what we'll do.
I haven't actually gotten to try a real breast feeding session yet. Madison is still on a feeding tube. BUT today I got to experience something neat. I got to do what's called non-nutritive breast feeding. Basically I pump right before they get her out of the isolate. Then they give her to me, and we practice feeding with no milk in my breast. It gives her a chance to kind of explore this breast feeding thing. Its a totally foreign idea to her. While she is positioned on me the feed her through the feeding tube. That way she can start to associate being on Mommy, and sucking with getting full. We only did it for about 15 minutes today before she got bored and fell asleep. But it was still an awesome experience. And I can't wait to try it again!
And as for all the horror stories I heard? Well my nipples are sore most of the time, I feel like a cow ALL OF THE TIME. I can see why your boobs sag. They get full and firm, and then empty and kinda, well...floppy. And I'm sure I will get to experience many other "joys" of breast feeding. But ya know what? Madison is totally worth it! She has been worth every second of the experience.
Before I got pregnant, I was against breast feeding. Not in general, but for myself. I wasn't breast fed and I turned out just fine! And while doctors say that breast milk is the best, I think babies can do just fine with formula. My decision was purely a selfish one. I didn't want my boobs to sag when I'm older. All the horror stories I'd heard through out the years didn't help either. Chapped nipples, clogged milk ducts...uhh no thank you. Plus, the thought of having a little creature attached to my boob ALL THE TIME (practically) was just not something that appealed to me at all.
THEN I got pregnant, and I started thinking about it. I mean women have been doing it for forever. Then I did some research. Yes, formula is just fine for babies, BUT breast milk is BETTER. There are things in it, that cannot be artificially made and added. For instance, I find it fascinating that she receives some of my immune system through breast milk. I still wasn't convince, but the idea was growing on me. And I figured I had 9 WHOLE months to wrestle with the idea. So I kind of put it on the back burner to deal with later.
And a short 7 months later, I was in the hospital, dealing with high blood pressure. It would have been nice to have made some of our major decisions before then. Because in those two weeks, my focus was on myself and keeping Madison safe for as long as I could. And really the thought of breast milk vs. formula never came up, and I didn't think about it.
However, the Sunday after she was born sooo Feb. 26th, the question was raised, and settled once and for all. I was in the NICU with Tyler and the nurse Ramona (amazing woman by the way) came in to talk to us about Madisons' care. The first thing she asked was breast or formula? And before I even had a chance to think about it, breast popped out of my mouth. I just knew then that I had to breast feed her. I had to give her the best fighting chance I could. Then Ramona asked us another question that kind of startled me. Obviously since I didn't carry to term, my body wasn't quite ready to produce milk yet. So what do you feed her while she waits for my milk to come in? I mean the girl still had to eat. The options were formula, or human pasteurized milk from donor moms. I was shocked! I had no idea that donor milk was even an option. Ramona assured us that the milk was safe and free of any diseases. Once again before I even had a chance to think about it, breast milk came out of my mouth. My reasons being, that once my milk did come in, it wouldn't be such a shock to her system. So after that visit I went up to my room and began to pump. Most of the nurses told me to give it about a week before my milk came in. But in a short 2 days, my milk came in, and it was the next day that I was producing enough for them to give her my milk exclusively.
So now I am attached to a breast pump...oh joy. Sometimes I worry that I'm not doing it enough (6-7 times a day) and that I may not be producing enough for her. But I remind myself, that I will give her everything I can for as long as I can. And if we have to switch to formula, or supplement with formula, then that's what we'll do.
I haven't actually gotten to try a real breast feeding session yet. Madison is still on a feeding tube. BUT today I got to experience something neat. I got to do what's called non-nutritive breast feeding. Basically I pump right before they get her out of the isolate. Then they give her to me, and we practice feeding with no milk in my breast. It gives her a chance to kind of explore this breast feeding thing. Its a totally foreign idea to her. While she is positioned on me the feed her through the feeding tube. That way she can start to associate being on Mommy, and sucking with getting full. We only did it for about 15 minutes today before she got bored and fell asleep. But it was still an awesome experience. And I can't wait to try it again!
And as for all the horror stories I heard? Well my nipples are sore most of the time, I feel like a cow ALL OF THE TIME. I can see why your boobs sag. They get full and firm, and then empty and kinda, well...floppy. And I'm sure I will get to experience many other "joys" of breast feeding. But ya know what? Madison is totally worth it! She has been worth every second of the experience.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
3 pounds!
My baby is 2 weeks old today!!! In the last 2 weeks a lot has changed. We haven't gotten to experience the "normal" or "typical" milestones that come with most newborns. We have had a lot of our own milestones though. Like when they took her off the C-pap breathing machine, when they lowered the amount of oxygen she needs. Even the amount of food she is getting. Of course we have many more milestones too look forward to. Weaning her off oxygen completely, taking out her feeding tube, and of course the big one I CAN'T WAIT FOR, coming home! We still have a while before that last one happens, but it's coming!
This is has has been a long month. 2 weeks in the hospital trying to keep my blood pressure down, and Madison inside my belly. And so far 2 weeks in the NICU. Of course the NICU is actually harder on the parents I think. I spent 7 weeks in the NICU myself as a baby. And I don't remember any of it. My parents though, talking to them about it, and it's almost like they are there again. Madison just hangs out in her isolett growing like she's supposed to be. And while our situation is a mild one compared to others, it's still hard for me to handle some days. Every time she cries because someone woke her up to poke and prod at her it breaks my heart. All I want to do it pick her up and comfort her, but I can't. And the first time that happened, I lost it. I couldn't reach in and pick her up. So I sat in the chair and cried. It's not so bad now. I know that the nurses know what they're doing, and they aren't actually hurting her, she is just mad at being bothered. Every now and then I kinda chuckle. Because if she thinks you are mistreating her...she will let you know. She is feisty that way.
It's getting a little easier to leave her now. I get a little sad and teary eyed some days when I leave. But I keep the crying to a minimum now. At least when I'm leaving. I hate to go, but I also know that I cannot sit in the semi dark room all day. It can get a little depressing. So I leave for a little while every day. I usually come home and pump, and clean a little bit. And when it's time to go back I feel refreshed, and ready to take care of my baby.
I would say that we probably have at least 4 more weeks in the NICU. It will be a long road. But it's one that I would travel again and again for my Madison. If this is what she needs right now, then I'll be there for here. And I will wait for her milestones, and be excited when she gets to them. Her milestones may be a little different from a full term baby, but they are just as amazing. And when she is to the point where she is achieving the "normal" milestones, I will be so thankful for them.
And by the way her latest milestone was a pretty big one. My little baby girl is now officially 3 pounds!! She is quickly growing. And before I know it I will be able to pick her up for a snuggle any time I want. My arms cannot wait for that day!
This is has has been a long month. 2 weeks in the hospital trying to keep my blood pressure down, and Madison inside my belly. And so far 2 weeks in the NICU. Of course the NICU is actually harder on the parents I think. I spent 7 weeks in the NICU myself as a baby. And I don't remember any of it. My parents though, talking to them about it, and it's almost like they are there again. Madison just hangs out in her isolett growing like she's supposed to be. And while our situation is a mild one compared to others, it's still hard for me to handle some days. Every time she cries because someone woke her up to poke and prod at her it breaks my heart. All I want to do it pick her up and comfort her, but I can't. And the first time that happened, I lost it. I couldn't reach in and pick her up. So I sat in the chair and cried. It's not so bad now. I know that the nurses know what they're doing, and they aren't actually hurting her, she is just mad at being bothered. Every now and then I kinda chuckle. Because if she thinks you are mistreating her...she will let you know. She is feisty that way.
It's getting a little easier to leave her now. I get a little sad and teary eyed some days when I leave. But I keep the crying to a minimum now. At least when I'm leaving. I hate to go, but I also know that I cannot sit in the semi dark room all day. It can get a little depressing. So I leave for a little while every day. I usually come home and pump, and clean a little bit. And when it's time to go back I feel refreshed, and ready to take care of my baby.
I would say that we probably have at least 4 more weeks in the NICU. It will be a long road. But it's one that I would travel again and again for my Madison. If this is what she needs right now, then I'll be there for here. And I will wait for her milestones, and be excited when she gets to them. Her milestones may be a little different from a full term baby, but they are just as amazing. And when she is to the point where she is achieving the "normal" milestones, I will be so thankful for them.
And by the way her latest milestone was a pretty big one. My little baby girl is now officially 3 pounds!! She is quickly growing. And before I know it I will be able to pick her up for a snuggle any time I want. My arms cannot wait for that day!
Monday, March 5, 2012
Just a little info
So it's been a while since I've updated my blog. Things have been a little hectic lately. I have been discharged from the hospital, which was the hardest thing (or one of) I've ever had to do. I will write a separate blog about that, when I can get my emotions under control. Madison is still in the NICU but is doing great. My day goes as follows. Get up with Tyler, he takes me to the hospital at 7:30, I hang out with Miss Madison until around 12:30, when my Dad comes to pick me up, I hang out with my dad and nap until 5:00 when Tyler comes over from work. We all eat dinner, and then Tyler and I head home. We usually hang out while I pump some milk, then head back to the hospital at 7:30. We stay until around 10:00 and then head home, shower and go to bed. It won't be like that until Madison comes home. I just haven't been able to drive. I've been taking Percocet, and it makes me kinda loopy. But I haven't taken one today, so hopefully I can reclaim my car from my dads house where it's been for safe keeping for almost a month. Once I am mobile again, the schedule might alter a little.
So back to Madison. She is at a whopping 2 lbs. 13 oz. now. When she was born she was 2 lbs. 9 oz., and then dropped down to 2 lbs 6 oz. She she is really going up now. She is on a small amount of oxygen, and had all of her IV's taken out. So we are just waiting for her to gain weight. Once she does that she will be weened off the oxygen, and will be able to regulate her own temperature. Oh and she needs to learn how to eat. Now she is on a feeding tube. We should start to teach her how to feed within the next week.
So I know this was pretty brief, and not a lot of detail. But to be honest, it's exhausting to be dealing with all of this. And I still need to take a shower. So I just wanted to put some information out there for those of you who are wondering. Eventually I plan on blogging regularly again, but right now it really is at the bottom of my list of important things.
So back to Madison. She is at a whopping 2 lbs. 13 oz. now. When she was born she was 2 lbs. 9 oz., and then dropped down to 2 lbs 6 oz. She she is really going up now. She is on a small amount of oxygen, and had all of her IV's taken out. So we are just waiting for her to gain weight. Once she does that she will be weened off the oxygen, and will be able to regulate her own temperature. Oh and she needs to learn how to eat. Now she is on a feeding tube. We should start to teach her how to feed within the next week.
So I know this was pretty brief, and not a lot of detail. But to be honest, it's exhausting to be dealing with all of this. And I still need to take a shower. So I just wanted to put some information out there for those of you who are wondering. Eventually I plan on blogging regularly again, but right now it really is at the bottom of my list of important things.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Oh baby!!
Wow!! A lot has happened since my last post. In my last post I was frustrated because Madison's heart wasn't working like they wanted it too. Her base heart rate was typically around 129-135. So what they wanted to see was a heart acceleration of 10, twice in a twenty minute period. Well she just wasn't doing that. Her heartbeat was staying steady, she just wasn't moving enough to accelerate that little heartbeat. Which is concerning. One thing that the placenta does (at least to my knowledge, if I'm wrong let me know) is to supply Madison with blood, so that she can grow. Well the pre-eclampsia kinda messes up that whole process. With the HIGH blood pressure, my heart was making my placenta work too hard, making the veins smaller. So with the medication we were able to get that under control. But we knew from the beginning that if placenta decided to quit, that Madison would have to be delivered, despite what my blood pressure was. Well my placenta decided to quit. It wasn't pumping enough blood to Madison, so she was basically in survival mode. Trying to maintain a heart rate that would actually keep her alive.
So on the 23rd, after 2 stress test that showed little movement, they moved me to Labor and Delivery AGAIN, for prolonged testing. At that point I kind of knew it was over. They put me back on an IV, and told me no food or drink. They also put me on oxygen, to try and perk up Madison. When they took me of food and drink, I know something was up, they don't normally do that unless a C-section is in the future. So I cried a little and clung onto Tyler when I could. They watched me through the night. In the morning the Dr. came in and told me things went well through the night, and that they were taking me off oxygen to see how she would do over 4 hours. And then I KNEW we were done. I didn't think they would keep me on oxygen for 3 weeks to get me to 34 weeks. I think they gave me 4 hours, so that they could be me onto the schedule for a C-section.
At 12:00 pm the nurse came in and said that we were gonna go ahead for a C-section. So many emotions went through my mind. She wasn't done cooking, I was ready to let her out of my belly. C-sections are scary. Where's my mommy? Can I be a mommy? At this point it didn't matter anymore. It was gonna happen.
The nurse came in and explain pretty much step by step what they would be doing. And how it would most likely feel. And then the Dr. from the NICU came in and explained some of the complications that could occur with a preemie birth at this age. He explained that she had a very good chance of thriving.
My sister came, and hung around with Tyler and I until it was time for me to go back to the O.R. She hung out clear up until it was time for me to go back. Tyler donned some pretty awesome scrubs that made him look like the Micheline Man. I got an awesome blue cap, and we were ready.
The nurse gave me the option of walking, a wheel chair, or riding the bed back to the O.R. I chose to walk. It had been so long (2 weeks) since I'd been allowed to walk any where but to the bathroom. My legs were wobbly, a mix of nerves and not using them a lot for 2 weeks. I remember walking down the hall way holding Tyler's hand, thinking "I can't believe this is about to happen." The last 2 weeks the possibility of delivery has been lingering in my mind. Every time they took a BP, every time a doctor came in, every time a nurse asked if I was having any symptoms (which I never did). And now it was finally time to meet this little girl.
I have never had major surgery before. Unless you count your wisdom teeth being pulled, which I never did. It was weird walking into the O.R. It was bright, and there was a table in the middle of the room just for me. Oh man, I'm about to have an C-section. I sat down on the bed with Tyler in front of me and waited for the anesthesiologist to administer the epidural. I had to sit at the edge of the bed and curl forward. I had Tyler directly in front of me, with my hands in his. So that is what I chose to focus on. Obviously I'm not sure what was going on behind me. I could feel something being rubbed on, the doctor pressing down on the spine, and finally it was time for the shot. I felt in on the right side first. To begin with, it feels like you are putting just one leg into a warm pool, and then if feels just like your leg fell asleep. That weird tingly, numb sleep, not the poking painful kind. And then my left leg went numb. Now it was time to lie down...mmm ok. I was numb from my waist down, and you want me to put my legs up? Hahaha yeah, right. Of course I had a nurse with me the whole time, and Tyler. So I lay down on my left side from the butt up, and rolled to my back. Then the Nurse put my legs onto the table for me.
They put a sheet up so I couldn't see. however they did offer me a mirror if I wanted to see. I politely declined, I didn't need to see my stomach cut open, belch. They gave Tyler a stool and parked him above my head to the left. He had his hand on my head through out. I had my arms stretched out with IVs running. And I had what I call the shakes. It was cold in the O.R. So I was shivering, but occasionally I would start shaking. All the medication had something to do with it I'm sure, but I was also scared.
The Doctor asked me if I could feel anything sharp, and I said no. So they were ready to start. It is really a strange sensation. I was laying there looking into my husbands dark brown eyes, totally lucid, while they are cutting me open. I could feel pressure and tugging, which is kinda icky to think about. Speaking of icky, Tyler happened to look up (he could see over the sheet without straining) as they were hold up my tummy. I didn't know this of course. But all the sudden he started to sway back and forth. I remember asking him where he was going, and he turned white. So I told the nurse he was about to pass out. So they all rushed to his side, took his mask off, and tried to get him to calm down. And in my head I was thinking "I'm already a mom." here I was getting major surgery and I'm worrying about whether or not my husband is going to pass out. Then I found in humorous that I was the one giving birth, and he's hogging all the attention. Eventually he was well enough to be taken outside to get some fresh air, and a juice.
He wasn't in the room when Madison was born, but I don't think he would have been able to handle a blood covered Madison. I was just laying there trying to ignore the strange sensations that were going on. Because really it's enough to make you want to throw up. Suddenly, the Doc says it was time to pull her out and that I would feel some pressure. Wow a little pressure? That was an understatement. I couldn't feel any pain, but there was more then a little pressure. But as quickly as it was there, it was gone. And I strained my ears, and then I heard it. Her high pitched, pissed off cry!! Oh I was so happy! I laughed and sighed. I didn't know if she was okay, or what she looked like. But she cried! That was a pretty good start!
We were told she had to be delivered at just before noon on Feb. 24, 2012. And at 1:45 pm on Feb 24, 2012 Madison Ann Johnson was born! It went that quickly. The nurse was good enough to grab our camera and snap a picture before they whisked her away to the NICU. And now it was time to sew Mommy back up.
The sewing me back up is what took the longest. I have dissolving stitches internally, and staples externally. When we were first checked into the hospital we were told that there are 2 ways to do the surgery. One, is a traditional C-section. For this one, the make a crescent shaped incision horizontally just above the bikini line and go in. Once in they make ANOTHER horizontal cut in the uterus. The second type, is more commonly used for emergency c-sections. They start with a horizontal cut but once inside, the make a vertical incision. You want them to do the first set of incisions if you can help it. For one, it makes a vaginal delivery later on, possible. The also aren't cutting against the grain of muscle separating them. So it's easier to recover from. The reason I bring all this up? Well the doctor said originally that they may have to do a vertical cut through the uterus. And the reason for that is, the further along you are the thicker the uterine wall is. If it is too thin, they have to go vertically, simply to be able to stitch it back together. I was hoping that they would be able to do a traditional C-section, and cut horizontally both internally and externally. And the 2 weeks was enough for the uterus to thicken, and a traditional C-section was performed. Whew!
OH I forgot to mention, that Tyler was eventually brought back into the O.R. about 5 minutes after Madison was born. So he was there to hold my hand and stroke my head while they stitched me up.
The anesthesiologist gave me some pain medication while the surgery was still going. So in addition to being numb from the boobs down, I was starting to feel loopy. And itchy! The medication made my face itch. Which they told me was normal. I was instructed to not scratch with my nails, to just rub a little, but try to leave it alone. Oh yeah right. I tried my hardest but every couple of minutes, my shaky left hand made it's way up to my nose and lips. And Tyler would gently scold me, and back down my hand went.
Finally the doctor announced he was done. He looked over the sheet, and told me I did very well. Whew. I did good, and my baby cried , so now take me back to recovery so that I can go see her!
So I could keep going on with this story, but I think I'm gonna break it up a little. Other wise this post would be super long. It's a little long now.
I will say, that Madison it doing well. I went down 3 times today to see her. And while she is super small, she's a fighter! She screams when someone hurts her (drawing blood), and it's a pissed of scream. But oh so cute! It's amazing to love someone as much as I love her. I now know about the mama bear instinct. And I would do anything for my little Madison. She truly is a huge blessing in my life. And even though she's only 2 days old, I don't know what I would do without her.
So on the 23rd, after 2 stress test that showed little movement, they moved me to Labor and Delivery AGAIN, for prolonged testing. At that point I kind of knew it was over. They put me back on an IV, and told me no food or drink. They also put me on oxygen, to try and perk up Madison. When they took me of food and drink, I know something was up, they don't normally do that unless a C-section is in the future. So I cried a little and clung onto Tyler when I could. They watched me through the night. In the morning the Dr. came in and told me things went well through the night, and that they were taking me off oxygen to see how she would do over 4 hours. And then I KNEW we were done. I didn't think they would keep me on oxygen for 3 weeks to get me to 34 weeks. I think they gave me 4 hours, so that they could be me onto the schedule for a C-section.
At 12:00 pm the nurse came in and said that we were gonna go ahead for a C-section. So many emotions went through my mind. She wasn't done cooking, I was ready to let her out of my belly. C-sections are scary. Where's my mommy? Can I be a mommy? At this point it didn't matter anymore. It was gonna happen.
The nurse came in and explain pretty much step by step what they would be doing. And how it would most likely feel. And then the Dr. from the NICU came in and explained some of the complications that could occur with a preemie birth at this age. He explained that she had a very good chance of thriving.
My sister came, and hung around with Tyler and I until it was time for me to go back to the O.R. She hung out clear up until it was time for me to go back. Tyler donned some pretty awesome scrubs that made him look like the Micheline Man. I got an awesome blue cap, and we were ready.
The nurse gave me the option of walking, a wheel chair, or riding the bed back to the O.R. I chose to walk. It had been so long (2 weeks) since I'd been allowed to walk any where but to the bathroom. My legs were wobbly, a mix of nerves and not using them a lot for 2 weeks. I remember walking down the hall way holding Tyler's hand, thinking "I can't believe this is about to happen." The last 2 weeks the possibility of delivery has been lingering in my mind. Every time they took a BP, every time a doctor came in, every time a nurse asked if I was having any symptoms (which I never did). And now it was finally time to meet this little girl.
I have never had major surgery before. Unless you count your wisdom teeth being pulled, which I never did. It was weird walking into the O.R. It was bright, and there was a table in the middle of the room just for me. Oh man, I'm about to have an C-section. I sat down on the bed with Tyler in front of me and waited for the anesthesiologist to administer the epidural. I had to sit at the edge of the bed and curl forward. I had Tyler directly in front of me, with my hands in his. So that is what I chose to focus on. Obviously I'm not sure what was going on behind me. I could feel something being rubbed on, the doctor pressing down on the spine, and finally it was time for the shot. I felt in on the right side first. To begin with, it feels like you are putting just one leg into a warm pool, and then if feels just like your leg fell asleep. That weird tingly, numb sleep, not the poking painful kind. And then my left leg went numb. Now it was time to lie down...mmm ok. I was numb from my waist down, and you want me to put my legs up? Hahaha yeah, right. Of course I had a nurse with me the whole time, and Tyler. So I lay down on my left side from the butt up, and rolled to my back. Then the Nurse put my legs onto the table for me.
They put a sheet up so I couldn't see. however they did offer me a mirror if I wanted to see. I politely declined, I didn't need to see my stomach cut open, belch. They gave Tyler a stool and parked him above my head to the left. He had his hand on my head through out. I had my arms stretched out with IVs running. And I had what I call the shakes. It was cold in the O.R. So I was shivering, but occasionally I would start shaking. All the medication had something to do with it I'm sure, but I was also scared.
The Doctor asked me if I could feel anything sharp, and I said no. So they were ready to start. It is really a strange sensation. I was laying there looking into my husbands dark brown eyes, totally lucid, while they are cutting me open. I could feel pressure and tugging, which is kinda icky to think about. Speaking of icky, Tyler happened to look up (he could see over the sheet without straining) as they were hold up my tummy. I didn't know this of course. But all the sudden he started to sway back and forth. I remember asking him where he was going, and he turned white. So I told the nurse he was about to pass out. So they all rushed to his side, took his mask off, and tried to get him to calm down. And in my head I was thinking "I'm already a mom." here I was getting major surgery and I'm worrying about whether or not my husband is going to pass out. Then I found in humorous that I was the one giving birth, and he's hogging all the attention. Eventually he was well enough to be taken outside to get some fresh air, and a juice.
He wasn't in the room when Madison was born, but I don't think he would have been able to handle a blood covered Madison. I was just laying there trying to ignore the strange sensations that were going on. Because really it's enough to make you want to throw up. Suddenly, the Doc says it was time to pull her out and that I would feel some pressure. Wow a little pressure? That was an understatement. I couldn't feel any pain, but there was more then a little pressure. But as quickly as it was there, it was gone. And I strained my ears, and then I heard it. Her high pitched, pissed off cry!! Oh I was so happy! I laughed and sighed. I didn't know if she was okay, or what she looked like. But she cried! That was a pretty good start!
We were told she had to be delivered at just before noon on Feb. 24, 2012. And at 1:45 pm on Feb 24, 2012 Madison Ann Johnson was born! It went that quickly. The nurse was good enough to grab our camera and snap a picture before they whisked her away to the NICU. And now it was time to sew Mommy back up.
The sewing me back up is what took the longest. I have dissolving stitches internally, and staples externally. When we were first checked into the hospital we were told that there are 2 ways to do the surgery. One, is a traditional C-section. For this one, the make a crescent shaped incision horizontally just above the bikini line and go in. Once in they make ANOTHER horizontal cut in the uterus. The second type, is more commonly used for emergency c-sections. They start with a horizontal cut but once inside, the make a vertical incision. You want them to do the first set of incisions if you can help it. For one, it makes a vaginal delivery later on, possible. The also aren't cutting against the grain of muscle separating them. So it's easier to recover from. The reason I bring all this up? Well the doctor said originally that they may have to do a vertical cut through the uterus. And the reason for that is, the further along you are the thicker the uterine wall is. If it is too thin, they have to go vertically, simply to be able to stitch it back together. I was hoping that they would be able to do a traditional C-section, and cut horizontally both internally and externally. And the 2 weeks was enough for the uterus to thicken, and a traditional C-section was performed. Whew!
OH I forgot to mention, that Tyler was eventually brought back into the O.R. about 5 minutes after Madison was born. So he was there to hold my hand and stroke my head while they stitched me up.
The anesthesiologist gave me some pain medication while the surgery was still going. So in addition to being numb from the boobs down, I was starting to feel loopy. And itchy! The medication made my face itch. Which they told me was normal. I was instructed to not scratch with my nails, to just rub a little, but try to leave it alone. Oh yeah right. I tried my hardest but every couple of minutes, my shaky left hand made it's way up to my nose and lips. And Tyler would gently scold me, and back down my hand went.
Finally the doctor announced he was done. He looked over the sheet, and told me I did very well. Whew. I did good, and my baby cried , so now take me back to recovery so that I can go see her!
So I could keep going on with this story, but I think I'm gonna break it up a little. Other wise this post would be super long. It's a little long now.
I will say, that Madison it doing well. I went down 3 times today to see her. And while she is super small, she's a fighter! She screams when someone hurts her (drawing blood), and it's a pissed of scream. But oh so cute! It's amazing to love someone as much as I love her. I now know about the mama bear instinct. And I would do anything for my little Madison. She truly is a huge blessing in my life. And even though she's only 2 days old, I don't know what I would do without her.
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