A Little Randomness for Ya

Madison is going to be just like her Momma.  She LOVES animals.  Already!  We live in between 2 animal owners, to the east of us are 2 dogs, the west a kitty.  One of the dogs names is Ozzy.  Whenever the (I think annoy) thing barks Tyler and I yell "Shut up Ozzy!"  So, guess what my daughter calls dogs?  Yup, Ozzy.  We went to Pets Mart on Saturday because the Humane Society was there, and I wanted to see the animals.  Well we walk in and she starts saying "HI, ozzzggggy"  She can't quite get the actual word out, but I knew what she was trying to say.

But the animal she REALLY loves.  Is the pretty kitty from next door.  This is the most friendly cat I've ever seen.  It's mostly an indoor cat, but when it gets outside it waste no time coming next door into my backyard.  Even venturing INTO MY HOUSE one day, when I was cooking with the back door open.  Oh man, when that kitty came in, I thought Madison was going to wet her pants (she may have actually, she's still in diapers ya know) she was so excited.  All she does is point and OHH OHHHH OHHHOOOOOHHH hey HEY HEEEEYYYY HI HI HI HI.  It is so cute!  The kitty of course it terrified of my little noise maker, but that doesn't stop Madison.  She will chase that cat as fast as her skinny legs well let her.  Did I mention I spent most of last winter feeding this cat tuna from a can, because I wasn't sure if he was a stray or not?  That may explain it's urge to come into my house.

I would love to get her a kitty.  I myself being a cat person.  But I really don't want to deal with the kitty litter, I can just see the handfuls that would make it's way into her mouth...BLECHH.  Not to mention the fur, and destruction a cat can do.  Madison makes enough messes as it is, without adding a 4 legged animal to the mix.  

Speaking of handfuls of nasty-ness going into her mouth.  We made our first call to Poison Control this morning.  I walked into my bedroom to see Madison with her diaper rash cream in one fist, and the lid in her mouth.  I chased her around and pulled the cap out of her mouth.  Then after reading the label, that clearly says to seek medical attention or call Poison Control if ingested.  We promptly called Poison Control.  Apparently this particular brand has a laxative in it, that can cause some pretty powerful diarrhea, that's why there is a warning on the label.  Well Madison didn't get a mouthful, I think she just got a lick.  And she hasn't had any abnormal poops.  So whew, on that count.  But now that diaper rash cream is far out of her reach.

Oh what fun it is to have a toddler sometimes.  But you know what?  Today, was not a hard day to be a mom.  It was a great day actually!

Is there a secret?

How do some moms do it?  I can barely keep up with housework, playing with Madison, and keeping myself looking presentable.  Some days one of those things has to go, and it is never my play time with Madison.

My house is only ever clean for MAYBE a couple of hours, then the toys get pulled back out, and the dishes start to slowly pile up again.  All the while I feel like a bad mother, the house isn't clean, but I need to play with Madison, but I need to clean the house, but I need to spend time with Madison, but I need to cook dinner, but I need to teach Madison something.  And round and round it goes.

So is there some secret that some moms know that I don't?  The ones that are dressed to the nines at the doctors office, while I sit there wondering if I remembered to brush my teeth before I dashed out the door?

If there is, will someone please let me know.

Some Days it's Hard to Be a Mom

Yesterday was a hard day to be a mom.  It was a day filled with crying (both me and Mads), throw-up, doctors appointments, frustrating visits to the pharmacy, no shower (and possibly no morning teeth brushing), and to top it all off, 4 hours at work.  Madison is sick, she rarely gets sick, and we were told to avoid it, and fear it for the longest time, so now when it happens, my world kind of falls apart.

I thought she was just miserable because growing teeth, well that's hard work.  But on Thursday night she spent the night in bed with me and Tyler.  I tried to put her into her own bed several times, but as soon as I walked away from the crib she would just loose it.  So into my bed she went.  And when I say she slept in our bed, I actually mean she slept on ME in my bed.  She didn't get much sleep and developed a fever at some point.

I went to bed wrestling with myself, trying to decide if she was just teething or if something else was going on.  Let me explain something.  I HATE going to the doctors office.  Not because it cost money, or because it's far way (it's about 25-30 min away, but her Dr. is FABULOUS)  I hate going because if my child isn't sick (if we're going in for a Well Child checkup) then the last thing I want to do, is expose her to a whole room FULL of sick kids.  So I was wresting with myself, because do I risk exposing her to illness if it's just teeth?  At some point in the middle of the night, I finally made that decision that it was something else.  And that something else warranted a trip to the DR.

So the first thing I did when I woke up was to call the Doctors office and make an appointment for 12:10 that day.  That left me with only 4 hours to fill before we left.  We had a little bit of breakfast (she wasn't very hungry).  I put Madison on the floor by the bathtub to watch the water, when she had a coughing fit that ended with vomit on my bathroom floor.  And then we took a bath.  Water has this magical effect on Mads.  She LOVES her bath.  Even though she wasn't feeling very good, she was still able to splash and have a great time.  I got her dressed and attempted breakfast again.  Madison's poor sinuses were/are draining so bad that she is choking, then coughing so hard she pukes.  Well milk makes it worse.  So after breakfast attempt number 2, she threw up all over herself, me and my living room floor.  This day was going great and it wasn't even 10 am yet.

After getting a Priesthood blessing from her Grandpa and Great-Grandpa Johnson we went to the Dr.  I had somehow managed to pull my hair up and get dressed.  When we got there I was shocked, we were the only ones in the waiting room.  We even got to see the fishies that are usually under scrutiny from about 6 or 7 snot nosed, coughing kids.  Madison did so well at the doctors.  She didn't like getting her ears looked at.  But when I said her doctor is fabulous, I mean it.  He gets down on his knees, and plays with her and blows her kisses when he leaves.

Unfortunately Mads has a double ear infection, and what the doctor called a bronchial infection.  The bronchial infection is my worst nightmare come to fruition.  Her little lungs are so vulnerable to infection, we have been praying she would never get one.  He gave us her prescription and told me to make sure her lungs don't get worse.  Right now she is moving air just fine, it just sounds very "rattly" is what he said.  So even though she may appear to be getting better the infection can hide in the small capillaries of her lungs.   We will be keeping a close watch on her until she gets better.

I had a couple of minor break downs yesterday.  A crying child and fray nerves like nothing else.  What's worse is that I don't know what else I could have done to make it better for her, but love her and giver her what I thought she needed.

I never did get a shower yesterday, but I was able to wash my face and get a new coat of mascara on before leaving for work, where I had to deal with a whole different kind of frustrating.  I told Tyler that I hoped I wouldn't get fired last night.  I was cranky, and I really don't care for some of the people that were working last night.  But I was able to keep my thoughts to myself, and got home to a (shockingly) happy baby!

Yesterday was a hard day to be a Mom, but it was all worth it when Madison ran (as fast as her little legs could go) up to me when I walked in the door after work and gave me the biggest hug her little arms would let her.

Is This a Big Day??

  Today is February 10th.  Is it an important day?  Not really.  Its the day one year ago that I went into the hospital were I would remain for 18 days.  Madison was born exactly 2 weeks later, and I was discharged 4 days after that.  I don't think that this day will hold significance to me for the rest of my life.  But this year it does.  It was the beginning of a crazy and sometimes scary ride for my little family.

  I didn't know what the next 24 hours would hold for me and my family.  There were a lot of doctors running in and out of my room, lots of poking, questions, and more information then my tired brain could handle.  I didn't really realize what was going on until the next day or so.

  I really haven't thought about where we were a year ago much today.  It's crossed my mind a couple of times.  Mostly I have been nursing a cold (and praying Madison doesn't get it), and watching Madison try to take her first steps.  Which she hasn't done yet.  And right now she is chewing on the computer charger cord.  I should probably put a stop to that.  But right now she's happy and actually letting me type.

 The next 2 weeks will be spent getting things organizing Madison's one year birthday bash!  I really thought I was be an emotional wreck these two weeks.  On her actual birthday I might be a little emotional, but right now I'm just really looking forward to celebrating.  I never thought we would ever get her out of the NICU, but we did, and here we are a year later.  People have stopped commenting on how small she is for her age, which she still is.  It's nice not to have to recount the whole story every time someone ask why she's so small.  And at this point I don't think I would recount the story.  I'd probably just smile and agree with them, "yep she's small, but a firecracker." 

I know a lot of this blog has been about Madison and how things have been going this last year.  And it will probably always be about Madison, as well as any other kids we may have.  I'm a mom, and this is what my life is about.  So stay tuned to see how life changes now that we are entering year one of the adventure known as Madison Ann.

Madison about 2 weeks old. 

 Madison December 2012

It's Quite Here...

  I went to work at 5:30, Tyler and Mads were laughing and playing.  I wasn't feeling good, and not looking forward to going to work.  But I did, and I put forth my best effort for 2 1/2 hours.  I had to come home, I'm tired, my throat hurts, and just plain ol' didn't want to be there anymore.

  When I got home, there were no cars in the drive way and the house was empty.  I was looking forward to the warm greetings I get from Tyler and Madison.  But as I sit here in the quite living room, I'm glad for a minute of piece and quite.  I think I will catch up on my favorite show, Big Bang Theory.  Thank heavens for Hulu.

It's been almost a year since Madison was born.  And the closer it gets the more I think about where I was a year ago.  Today on Jan. 19th 2012 I was just enjoying being pregnant I was just noticing some swelling in my legs and feet (which we now know was the beginning of preeclampcia).  I am more prone to...not necessarily flashbacks, but I will find myself remembering more about our time in the hospital.  Little things will bring back memories.  A noise that sounds like the blood pressure machine, or Madison's monitors in the NICU, even the oxygen monitor.

I was at work and something was beeping and it sounded like the blood pressure monitor.  Which for all intents and purposes, was my worst nightmare for 2 weeks.  I got lost in my thoughts for a few seconds.  I'm sure I looked all glassed eyed and distant for a split second.

These memories are coming back with such clarity because Madison's birthday is getting closer.  And because Tyler and I had originally thought about have our kids about 2 years apart.  Which means we'd have to get pregnant again this summer.  That's something I'm not sure I'm ready to do.  I was so excited to have Madison, and my pregnancy was going so well...until it wasn't.  And the thought of going through that experience (as good as it turned out) it is terrifying to me.  And I don't know how I would do it with Madison this time.

I'm making it sound like these memories are horrible for me to relive.  And some of them are a little scary.  But I actually have some good memories too.  There was a lot of laughter, between the crying.  And lets not forget, I got my beautiful Madison out of the whole ordeal.  I have also made some new friends, some that I hope to keep for a lifetime.

And AFTER Madison's birthday when Tyler and I decided to start talking about expanding our family, there will be a lot of prayer and discussion before we decide to proceed.

So i know this blog isn't really a great read, but these are some thoughts that have been going through my head the last couple of days, and I just needed to get them out.  So thanks for reading through my ramblings.