3 pounds!

My baby is 2 weeks old today!!!  In the last 2 weeks a lot has changed.  We haven't gotten to experience the "normal" or "typical" milestones that come with most newborns.  We have had a lot of our own milestones though.  Like when they took her off the C-pap breathing machine, when they lowered the amount of oxygen she needs.  Even the amount of food she is getting.  Of course we have many more milestones too look forward to.  Weaning her off oxygen completely, taking out her feeding tube, and of course the big one I CAN'T WAIT FOR, coming home! We still have a while before that last one happens, but it's coming!

This is has has been a long month. 2 weeks in the hospital trying to keep my blood pressure down, and Madison inside my belly.  And so far 2 weeks in the NICU.  Of course the NICU is actually harder on the parents I think.  I spent 7 weeks in the NICU myself as a baby.  And I don't remember any of it.  My parents though, talking to them about it, and it's almost like they are there again.  Madison just hangs out in her isolett growing like she's supposed to be.  And while our situation is a mild one compared to others, it's still hard for me to handle some days.  Every time she cries because someone woke her up to poke and prod at her it breaks my heart.  All I want to do it pick her up and comfort her, but I can't.  And the first time that happened, I lost it.  I couldn't reach in and pick her up.  So I sat in the chair and cried.  It's not so bad now.  I know that the nurses know what they're doing, and they aren't actually hurting her, she is just mad at being bothered.  Every now and then I kinda chuckle.  Because if she thinks you are mistreating her...she will let you know.  She is feisty that way.

It's getting a little easier to leave her now.  I get a little sad and teary eyed some days when I leave.  But I keep the crying to a minimum now.  At least when I'm leaving.  I hate to go, but I also know that I cannot sit in the semi dark room all day.  It can get a little depressing.  So I leave for a little while every day.  I usually come home and pump, and clean a little bit.  And when it's time to go back I feel refreshed, and ready to take care of my baby.

I would say that we probably have at least 4 more weeks in the NICU.  It will be a long road.  But it's one that I would travel again and again for my Madison.  If this is what she needs right now, then I'll be there for here.  And I will wait for her milestones, and be excited when she gets to them.  Her milestones may be a little different from a full term baby, but they are just as amazing.  And when she is to the point where she is achieving the "normal" milestones, I will be so thankful for them.

And by the way her latest milestone was a pretty big one.  My little baby girl is now officially 3 pounds!! She is quickly growing.  And before I know it I will be able to pick her up for a snuggle any time I want.  My arms cannot wait for that day!