So on February 9, 2011, my mother-in-law took me to the Taylorsville insta-care for my headache. We went in around 9 in the morning. I thought the wait would be short considering they had only been open for about an hour. Well I guess they were waiting for another doctor to start his shift, so they were running a lot slower then normal. They wait ended up being about an hour. When I finally got back to see the doctor he asked me a bunch of standard questions. When did the pain start? How far along are you? Where does it hurt? Ect. They also took my blood pressure, and noticed that it was a little high. So they ordered a urinalysis, to check the amount of protein in my urine. They also drew some blood. After wait about 45 minutes for the test results to come back, I finally had some news. They didn't know why I had such a bad headache. So I got a prescription for the pain, and one for the nausea I was having BECAUSE of the pain. I was prescribed codeine for the pain. I was relieved to be able to take something stronger then just Tylenol.
So Cheryl and I went on our way, and filled the prescriptions, and I went home with high hopes of some pain relief and sleep. But that was not to happen. I took the codeine and all it really did was knock me out for about 2 hours, it didn't take away the pain. So when I woke up from my drug induced sleep I was stuck for another 2 hours before I could take more. That day I called Tyler at work crying, and asked him if he would please come home. I didn't like being home alone, and in so much pain. I needed someone to comfort me. I don't remember much else about that day, just that I was in pain and wanted it to stop. I spent that night in and out of sleep, I also spent a good amount of time crying, and ringing my hangs again.
I called out at work again the next day, and called my doctor to tell her about this headache that was going on for 2 days now. After some convincing Tyler got me to go see a physical therapist. The thought behind that was that I may have tweaked my neck and just needed an adjustment. After that appointment I was actually feeling much better. My headache had started to subsided and life was looking up for me. Now I know WHY the headache started to go away. I was relaxed while I was at the physical therapist office, thus bringing my blood pressure down, which alleviated the pain.
When Tyler got home from work we went out to dinner (Subway) and then we were going to go to Wal-Mart to get a stroller car seat combo that I had seen on sale earlier that week. After dinner my headache was back so we started our trek home. While we were in the car my doctor called me back. I told her about my head and that I was still in pain. So she prescribed some loratab so that I could get some relief. Then told me to come in to her office first thing in the morning to get my blood pressure checked. I said I could stop in on my way to work. I didn't think it would end up being a big deal. Just stop in for 15 minutes, and then off to work I would go. (Oh how wrong I was). I remember that night before I went to bed, I was sitting on the couch, I looked up at Tyler and said,"have you ever had a feeling that something isn't ok? Well I feel like this headache is something more." (oh how right I was).
That night I actually got quite a big of sleep, the loratab worked wonders and Tyler bought some rice packs at Walgreens so the heat and the pills made for a great sleep. When I woke up (2/10), I was still in pain, but it really wasn't as bad as it had been. So I decided it was time to go back to work. I didn't want to use up all of my sick time on a silly headache. I had plans to use it when Madison finally made her appearance. I remember I put on my black pants, and my purple work shirt. I took a rice pack with me, and I was out the door at 8:00. I really wasn't worried while I was driving to the doctors. I had no prior knowledge of pre-eclamcsia and didn't know there was reason to worry.
When I got to the office, I was taken back into a room as soon as I got there. The nurse took my blood pressure, and the called my doctor. It was really high. I can't remember how high it was anymore. The nurse came back and told me that Dr. Onieda told me to go over to Alta View Hospital (where I planned to have Madison) and go to labor and delivery. I was officially worried then. I didn't know what was going on. So I said ok. And as I walked back to my car I called Tyler crying. I told him what happened, and then told him I was going to go get him and then we would go to the hospital together. He asked if I wanted to meet him there, and I said no. I didn't want to go alone. I was too freaked out to drive from Bluffdale, where Tyler works, up to Alta View Hospital. So Tyler drove me, while I sat and worried. Tyler tried to make me feel better, but I was really scared. I had no idea what was about to happen.
When we finally arrived the nurses where waiting for me. They took me back into a room, and gave me a gown. Hooked me up to fetal monitors and a blood pressure machine then we waited. When someone came back, they told us they want us to stay for at least 24 hours, to do a urine collection. There was a high count of protein in my urine so they wanted to get a better look at it. So that was okay. We could handle 24 hours. So I sent Tyler home to gather up an overnight bag. He also went back to his work to get his car. He didn't want to leave it in the parking lot over night. While he was gone, I was told that the doctors wanted to do an ultra sound on the baby that day, to see how she was doing. Tyler was only gone for about and hour and a half. I asked if they could wait for Tyler to get back so that he could go with me. But as I was asking, he walked back into the room. So off we went to get an ultra sound. I now know that it was fetal monitoring. After having one a day while I was in IMC, looking back I can recognize it for what it was. When they were done, the tech said it looked like she was doing pretty good, and sent us on our way.
Once back in the room, my Doctor came to check on me. She told us that I had abnormally high blood pressure, and that she needed to consult with another doctor to form a plan for what to do. Nothing she really said, made me think anything was seriously wrong. I still thought we'd be out by the next afternoon. My head wasn't hurting as bad, and things seemed to be getting better. I'm not sure how long it was but eventually another doctor came in, and told us we needed to transfer to another hospital. At this point thing kind of started to blur together. And happen so quickly.
My dad and step-mom where there, although I can't really remember when they showed up. I know I called my sister and my mom, although I can't really remember when. The doctor started talking about pre-eclamsica and high blood pressure. And that they baby could die, that I could die, or have seizures a stroke. And that the baby would probably be delivered that night. So we had to go to Intermountain Medical Center. They had/have a better facility for premature babies then Alta View does. Everything was kind of a blur. A nurse came in and started an IV for the Magnesium drip, and gave me my first dose of the beta-methasone shot, to help speed up Madisons lung development. Then they told us I had to be transferred via ambulance and someone wanted to put in a catheter. Finally Tyler told everyone to stop. He wanted to talk to MY doctor and figure out what was going on. Everything was happening so quickly. One minute we were in for 24 hour evaluation, and the next he's being told his wife and daughter might die. We weren't really sure what to think. So my doctor called and told him that I really did need to go to IMC. And after going around a few more times, we said we were ready to go. So Tyler packed up our stuff, and a nurse put in a catheter. Then we waited for the ambulance. I tried to be strong, but I was in such a daze, I wasn't really sure what was going on. The ambulance drivers showed up, they were good guys. They made me feel at ease and made me a Tyler laugh a little. So Tyler gave me a kiss good bye and they wheeled me out to the ambulance.
The next time I saw him, I was surrounded by doctors getting vitals and asking questions. I didn't even know what time it was. It was dark, I know that much. But it was the middle of February so it could have been early afternoon.
I can't write anymore right now. All of the memories and emotions are a little intense right now. So in a few days I'll pick it up again. But I need to organize my thoughts. And maybe not write so late at night. Emotions always seem to be closer to the surface at night.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Sunday, July 15, 2012
We Blessed My Blessing.
Well it only took almost 5 months, but today we finally did it! We blessed Madison at church today! We've been waiting to do it. At first it was because she was just too small. We were told to wait about 3 months to have her around a lot of people. We waited about 4 months. Originally we wanted to do the blessing outside of church. I thought doing it at a park or stake center with a pavilion would have been fun. Do it in the morning and have a BBQ afterward. But the weekend we wanted to do it wasn't good for my family to get up here from St. George. And then our bishop suggested we do it at home, and on a Sunday, not Saturday. I was a little bummed at first. I had this idea in my head about how I wanted to do this, and we wasn't going as planned. But eventually Tyler and I decided we could do it on a Sunday, but we would still do it at home. Then we found out we would have to wait until after 2 in the afternoon, if we wanted to bless her at home. Know that, we decided to bless her in church.
Now I love the ward we are in. I don't know a whole lot of people, but everyone is very nice to us. I just have one issue, and it's really my problem not anyone else. They ladies in the ward seem to play musical babies. All the babies seem to be in someone elses' arms by the end of church, and often on the other side of the room. It always made me a little nervous. I just don't like the idea of everyone holding my child. So I was afraid that if we did the blessing at church people would want to hold her. And I mean who wouldn't? She's so cute. But I'm just not quite ready to expose her to a whole lot of germs. So it was a little hard for me to consent to doing the blessing at church. But today went really well. We were surrounded by family, and the only people that approached us from the ward, were the few people that I actually talk to on a regular basis. And we were able to make a quick exit to discourage too many people from stopping us.
This morning I was running around like a crazy person. I got most of the prep work done last night. Setting the chairs out, and organizing things how I wanted them. But this morning I had to cut up some huge Costco muffins into quarters so that people could have a couple different flavors. Then I decided to make a couple of frattas. And then I realized I didn't have ice, or cups for the drinks. So I made a mad dash over to Reams. On top of this I had to get ready, and get Madison ready. Madison was a good little girl this morning. She slept until 8. Tyler had to wake her up so feed her. When Madison is woken up she tends to be in a better mood. I think it's because we have a bottle ready, and she doesn't have to scream while we get her food ready :) Tyler had her feed and burped by the time I got home from Reams. When I got home I took her from Tyler, snuggled a little and then got her dressed.
I LOVE her little dress. We got it at the Church Distribution Center after searching for a couple of weeks. She looked so pretty in it. She seemed to like it too, so much she tried to eat it while I was getting her dressed. She looked so sweet and innocent (which she is of course).
Just before it was time to go, I told Tyler to rearrange our cars so that his car would be in the driveway, we needed a little more parking space on the street. Well he came back in and told me we had to take his car because mine had a flat :( So instead of putting the car seat base in his car we opted to just walk. Our church is a half a block away and for the first time ever we were actually ready in time to walk. It was a nice cool morning, just made for walking. Madison was wide awake and really seemed to enjoy the walk.
When we got to the church we were greeted by my Grandparents from Cedar City, and my Uncle Brett. All from my Moms side. I was happy to see them. We were only about 10 minutes early, which was plenty. Tyler did a great job with the blessing, and Madison was a good girl, not making a peep. She even opened her eyes when Tyler held her up. She woke up during the meeting, and started to cry for some food. But other then that she was a little angle. My grandma held her for about 20 minutes and rocked her to sleep. Grandmas can do that you know?
I am so glad she didn't poop while she was in her dress. I hear stories (my niece did it) of babies having blow outs in their pretty white clothes. But not my baby!
I really think she enjoyed this day. I know I did.
If you would like to see pictures, check out my Facebook page. I don't know how to post pictures on here yet :D
Now I love the ward we are in. I don't know a whole lot of people, but everyone is very nice to us. I just have one issue, and it's really my problem not anyone else. They ladies in the ward seem to play musical babies. All the babies seem to be in someone elses' arms by the end of church, and often on the other side of the room. It always made me a little nervous. I just don't like the idea of everyone holding my child. So I was afraid that if we did the blessing at church people would want to hold her. And I mean who wouldn't? She's so cute. But I'm just not quite ready to expose her to a whole lot of germs. So it was a little hard for me to consent to doing the blessing at church. But today went really well. We were surrounded by family, and the only people that approached us from the ward, were the few people that I actually talk to on a regular basis. And we were able to make a quick exit to discourage too many people from stopping us.
This morning I was running around like a crazy person. I got most of the prep work done last night. Setting the chairs out, and organizing things how I wanted them. But this morning I had to cut up some huge Costco muffins into quarters so that people could have a couple different flavors. Then I decided to make a couple of frattas. And then I realized I didn't have ice, or cups for the drinks. So I made a mad dash over to Reams. On top of this I had to get ready, and get Madison ready. Madison was a good little girl this morning. She slept until 8. Tyler had to wake her up so feed her. When Madison is woken up she tends to be in a better mood. I think it's because we have a bottle ready, and she doesn't have to scream while we get her food ready :) Tyler had her feed and burped by the time I got home from Reams. When I got home I took her from Tyler, snuggled a little and then got her dressed.
I LOVE her little dress. We got it at the Church Distribution Center after searching for a couple of weeks. She looked so pretty in it. She seemed to like it too, so much she tried to eat it while I was getting her dressed. She looked so sweet and innocent (which she is of course).
Just before it was time to go, I told Tyler to rearrange our cars so that his car would be in the driveway, we needed a little more parking space on the street. Well he came back in and told me we had to take his car because mine had a flat :( So instead of putting the car seat base in his car we opted to just walk. Our church is a half a block away and for the first time ever we were actually ready in time to walk. It was a nice cool morning, just made for walking. Madison was wide awake and really seemed to enjoy the walk.
When we got to the church we were greeted by my Grandparents from Cedar City, and my Uncle Brett. All from my Moms side. I was happy to see them. We were only about 10 minutes early, which was plenty. Tyler did a great job with the blessing, and Madison was a good girl, not making a peep. She even opened her eyes when Tyler held her up. She woke up during the meeting, and started to cry for some food. But other then that she was a little angle. My grandma held her for about 20 minutes and rocked her to sleep. Grandmas can do that you know?
I am so glad she didn't poop while she was in her dress. I hear stories (my niece did it) of babies having blow outs in their pretty white clothes. But not my baby!
I really think she enjoyed this day. I know I did.
If you would like to see pictures, check out my Facebook page. I don't know how to post pictures on here yet :D
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Long Road. Part One.
So, I'm sitting here, looking at my beautiful daughter I decided to write down the beginning of our adventure. I have never written in down in it's entierty. I have posted bits and pieces as I was feeling like sharing. But this post, is for me. So that I will remember the details. I'm not expecting anyone to read this. If you do, know that this was the hardest road I've ever had to travel down, but it lead me to one of the best things in my life. The wonderful, and beautiful Madison Ann.
Tyler and I found out we were expecting in August of 2011. It was a surprise of course. We weren't TRYING to get pregnant but we weren't preventing it either. We just figured we'd let it happen if it was meant to. And one night I took a test, and there is was 2 lines. It's amazing how 2 little lines can change your life forever.
The next 6 months we pretty uneventful. I had a pretty easy pregnancy, I thought. A little bit of morning sickness, nothing too bad. I only threw up at work once, and only a handful of times at home. I had a major food aversion to eggs. Oh man the smell made me ill. I remember one morning, Sherri, Tyler and I all went to Kneaders for breakfast. Sherri and I both got the french toast, but Tyler...oh Tyler, got a breakfast sandwhich with a greasy over hard egg on it. *gags* It smelt so bad to my pregnant nose. He got his food before I got mine, and I sat there with a napkin over my nose until my french toast arrived. And when it finally arrived I practically ate with my nose in the food, just to keep the egg smell out. As for cravings I only had a few. Grape soda was a major one. And grilled cheese sandwiches. I swear Tyler made me a grilled cheese almost every night. Oh and potatoes, which was a strange one. I used to HATE potatoes, but during my pregnancy and ever since, I really like them.
I remember hearing stories from my friends that were pregnant when I was. And most of them were like horror stores. Horrible nausea, throwing up everything, all the worst symptoms of pregnancy all rolled into one. I would offer my condolences, while sighing on the inside that my pregnancy was going so smoothly. I only gained 14 pounds and was feeling pretty great. And then I started getting headaches.
I did some research and found out that headaches during the second trimester are pretty common. It's all the extra hormones floating around. The bad thing is that you can't take ibuprofen while preggers, only Tylenol. And Tylenol made me sick. So I would have to suffer through the pain. But I never really thought much about it. My appointments were going ok, and my blood pressure was like "a teenager" so the nurse always said. Not that I would have even put headaches and blood pressure together as meaning anything at that point.
So in February I was 7 months along, celebrating my 28th birthday. It was time for a trip to St. George to enjoy being Shelli and Tyler for one last weekend before we became "mom and dad." It was a fun trip. We stayed at a nice hotel, went out to eat for my birthday, did some shopping, lounged beside the pool. And enjoyed the 70 degree weather at the beginning of February. My legs were swollen, they were so fat that my skin hurt to touch, because the skin was pulled so tight. And my feet were what I called my "Chris Farley" feet. All fat and pudgy. I honestly thought they were so swollen because of the drive down. From being in the same position for 3 hours. At one point we stopped in at my brothers house. He mentioned my legs and asked if everything was ok. I thought it was and told him I had a doctors appointment on Tuesday when we got back to SLC. Again, I didn't really think anything was wrong. My brother didn't say anything else to me. He did however mention it to my dad, that my legs were pretty bad. But I didn't know that until after everything was done.
We went down to St. George on Feburary 3rd (my birthday), we got back into town on February 6th, and I went to work on Monday morning (the 7th). I was not an exciting day I just went to work, I'm sure I laughed and told everyone about sitting by the pool in February. Tuesday is when all the "fun" began.
I had my regular doctors appointment that day. I always went in on Tuesdays, that was my day off. I had to go in at 8 that morning for the extended glucose test. My first test came back abnormal so lucky me I had to sit in the doctors office for 4 hours BEFORE my regular schedualed appointment. I spent that 4 hours reading a book (a crappy one) and getting my blood drawn. When it was time for my appointment, the took my blood pressure, and told me it was a little high. Then the nurse said it was probably because of the sugar from the glucose test. Ok, well that's not a big deal. Once I come down off the sugar high things will be alright. Then the doctor came it. She was frazzeled and had a stack of patient files. And told me how she had been sick all weekend. I laughed and joked with her about the hectic life. She listened to the babies heartbeat and asked how I was doing. I then showed her my legs and asked what I could do to keep the swelling down, and if it was somthing to worry about. She said that there wasn't anything to worry about, and to just put my feet up when I get home from work. Well that was going to be easy. Anything to get out of housework right :)
So after my appointment I came home and spent the rest of my day off watching TV and reading that crappy book. It took me the rest of the day to finish reading the book. I actually finished it at 10:30 that night. Don't ask me why I remember that, but I do. I think it was because my neck has started to hurt and I looked up at the clock and realized it was time for bed, and I hoped that sleep would take care of the neck pain. Before we went to bed, I mentioned to Tyler that my neck was bothering me. We both decided it was probably due to reading too much, and having my neck bent weird all day. So off to sleep we went. And 4 hours later I woke up with the worst headache I've ever had in my life. I haven't cried because of a headache since I was a kid. But this headache woke me up, and made me cry. I took some Tylenol, because I couldn't handle it. The Tylenol, made be throw up about an hour later. I spent the rest of the morning ringing my hands, and rubbing my head, trying to forget about the pain. I told Tyler about it a couple of times during the night, but he really didn't know what to do. So he would hold me and then promtly fall back to sleep while I was silently freaking out. I managed to make it through the night. I think I only got a couple of hours of sleep that night.
At the time I worked the closing shift on Wednesdays. I called Tyler after he had already made it to work, and asked him what he thought about me calling in sick that day. He said that if I felt like I had to, that I should do it. And that was all I needed. I called one of my co-workers to see if she could take my closing shift. Thankfully she said that it wouldn't be a problem. And I tried to get some more sleep. With little success. About an hour later I called Tyler in tears, and asked if he thought his mom would take me to the insta-care. He said she probably would. So I called his mom and she came to pick me up. My head still hurt but I was glad to be going to see the doctor to make sure everything was ok. It would be another 2 days before anyone figured out that anything was wrong.
I could keep writing, but this is going to be a long story. So I think I will break it up a little bit. For a couple of reasons. One, it will give me a chance to process everything and organize my thoughts. And two, to make it easier to read, on the off chance anyone actually decides to read it. :)
Tyler and I found out we were expecting in August of 2011. It was a surprise of course. We weren't TRYING to get pregnant but we weren't preventing it either. We just figured we'd let it happen if it was meant to. And one night I took a test, and there is was 2 lines. It's amazing how 2 little lines can change your life forever.
The next 6 months we pretty uneventful. I had a pretty easy pregnancy, I thought. A little bit of morning sickness, nothing too bad. I only threw up at work once, and only a handful of times at home. I had a major food aversion to eggs. Oh man the smell made me ill. I remember one morning, Sherri, Tyler and I all went to Kneaders for breakfast. Sherri and I both got the french toast, but Tyler...oh Tyler, got a breakfast sandwhich with a greasy over hard egg on it. *gags* It smelt so bad to my pregnant nose. He got his food before I got mine, and I sat there with a napkin over my nose until my french toast arrived. And when it finally arrived I practically ate with my nose in the food, just to keep the egg smell out. As for cravings I only had a few. Grape soda was a major one. And grilled cheese sandwiches. I swear Tyler made me a grilled cheese almost every night. Oh and potatoes, which was a strange one. I used to HATE potatoes, but during my pregnancy and ever since, I really like them.
I remember hearing stories from my friends that were pregnant when I was. And most of them were like horror stores. Horrible nausea, throwing up everything, all the worst symptoms of pregnancy all rolled into one. I would offer my condolences, while sighing on the inside that my pregnancy was going so smoothly. I only gained 14 pounds and was feeling pretty great. And then I started getting headaches.
I did some research and found out that headaches during the second trimester are pretty common. It's all the extra hormones floating around. The bad thing is that you can't take ibuprofen while preggers, only Tylenol. And Tylenol made me sick. So I would have to suffer through the pain. But I never really thought much about it. My appointments were going ok, and my blood pressure was like "a teenager" so the nurse always said. Not that I would have even put headaches and blood pressure together as meaning anything at that point.
So in February I was 7 months along, celebrating my 28th birthday. It was time for a trip to St. George to enjoy being Shelli and Tyler for one last weekend before we became "mom and dad." It was a fun trip. We stayed at a nice hotel, went out to eat for my birthday, did some shopping, lounged beside the pool. And enjoyed the 70 degree weather at the beginning of February. My legs were swollen, they were so fat that my skin hurt to touch, because the skin was pulled so tight. And my feet were what I called my "Chris Farley" feet. All fat and pudgy. I honestly thought they were so swollen because of the drive down. From being in the same position for 3 hours. At one point we stopped in at my brothers house. He mentioned my legs and asked if everything was ok. I thought it was and told him I had a doctors appointment on Tuesday when we got back to SLC. Again, I didn't really think anything was wrong. My brother didn't say anything else to me. He did however mention it to my dad, that my legs were pretty bad. But I didn't know that until after everything was done.
We went down to St. George on Feburary 3rd (my birthday), we got back into town on February 6th, and I went to work on Monday morning (the 7th). I was not an exciting day I just went to work, I'm sure I laughed and told everyone about sitting by the pool in February. Tuesday is when all the "fun" began.
I had my regular doctors appointment that day. I always went in on Tuesdays, that was my day off. I had to go in at 8 that morning for the extended glucose test. My first test came back abnormal so lucky me I had to sit in the doctors office for 4 hours BEFORE my regular schedualed appointment. I spent that 4 hours reading a book (a crappy one) and getting my blood drawn. When it was time for my appointment, the took my blood pressure, and told me it was a little high. Then the nurse said it was probably because of the sugar from the glucose test. Ok, well that's not a big deal. Once I come down off the sugar high things will be alright. Then the doctor came it. She was frazzeled and had a stack of patient files. And told me how she had been sick all weekend. I laughed and joked with her about the hectic life. She listened to the babies heartbeat and asked how I was doing. I then showed her my legs and asked what I could do to keep the swelling down, and if it was somthing to worry about. She said that there wasn't anything to worry about, and to just put my feet up when I get home from work. Well that was going to be easy. Anything to get out of housework right :)
So after my appointment I came home and spent the rest of my day off watching TV and reading that crappy book. It took me the rest of the day to finish reading the book. I actually finished it at 10:30 that night. Don't ask me why I remember that, but I do. I think it was because my neck has started to hurt and I looked up at the clock and realized it was time for bed, and I hoped that sleep would take care of the neck pain. Before we went to bed, I mentioned to Tyler that my neck was bothering me. We both decided it was probably due to reading too much, and having my neck bent weird all day. So off to sleep we went. And 4 hours later I woke up with the worst headache I've ever had in my life. I haven't cried because of a headache since I was a kid. But this headache woke me up, and made me cry. I took some Tylenol, because I couldn't handle it. The Tylenol, made be throw up about an hour later. I spent the rest of the morning ringing my hands, and rubbing my head, trying to forget about the pain. I told Tyler about it a couple of times during the night, but he really didn't know what to do. So he would hold me and then promtly fall back to sleep while I was silently freaking out. I managed to make it through the night. I think I only got a couple of hours of sleep that night.
At the time I worked the closing shift on Wednesdays. I called Tyler after he had already made it to work, and asked him what he thought about me calling in sick that day. He said that if I felt like I had to, that I should do it. And that was all I needed. I called one of my co-workers to see if she could take my closing shift. Thankfully she said that it wouldn't be a problem. And I tried to get some more sleep. With little success. About an hour later I called Tyler in tears, and asked if he thought his mom would take me to the insta-care. He said she probably would. So I called his mom and she came to pick me up. My head still hurt but I was glad to be going to see the doctor to make sure everything was ok. It would be another 2 days before anyone figured out that anything was wrong.
I could keep writing, but this is going to be a long story. So I think I will break it up a little bit. For a couple of reasons. One, it will give me a chance to process everything and organize my thoughts. And two, to make it easier to read, on the off chance anyone actually decides to read it. :)
Friday, May 18, 2012
The Cover is Down For a Reason
This post is going to be a bit of a vent. So just be forewarned. I rarely take Madison out into the general public. She is little still, and I don't want to expose her to a lot of germs yet. She is getting bigger, but her immune system still isn't where it should be. We were told when we left the hospital to give it about 3 months. Well we've got almost 2 under our belts. And lets be honest I'm a new mom, so I still worry about the little things, because I don't know any better yet. So on top of being a new mom, I'm a new mom with a baby that was born 10 weeks early.
So on the rare occasion I DO take her out of the house, I keep her car seat covered up. I don't need anyone breathing on her, poking at her or stroking her. Yes my baby is adorable, and fun to look at, but I don't need your germs near her. So my general thought process is as follows: if she's covered, then it's for a reason, and that should be enough to keep people from being too curious. Am I wrong in thinking that?? Apparently so!
*sigh* I took Madison to the doctor this morning. It was time for her second round of the RSV shot. I HATE going to the doctor. I'm paranoid enough about germs, so going to a place that is crawling with them, makes me squeamish. But I keep her covered until the doctor looks at her. And I've never had any problems with people wanting to take a peak....until today.
I was at the counter trying to make her next appointment. The receptionists always get confused. She isn't on a normal well child visit schedule. Because she was preemie, she's about 2 months behind. So they always get confused as to why the doctor wants to see her. So I usually end up getting frustrated and tell them that they doctor just wants to see her! Please just make me an appointment, who cares what it's for. In addition to being frustrated with the front desk people, I had a crying baby. I mean I'd be crying if some gave me shot with no warning, and not being able to vocalize my frustrations. Well, her cry is pretty loud to me, but to most people (including the woman standing next to me) she probably still sounds like a newborn. And apparently that makes her cries cute? I don't think so. But this woman next me thought so. She looked at me and asked if I had a new baby in the car seat. Uhhh, nope, just a doll that cries, because crying babies is fun! I kept that to myself though. I politely said yes, I did. And she walks around me and starts to bend down towards the car seat and ask if she can look. And I was really surprised at just how forceful I was in my answer. I said NO, she's a preemie baby and I don't want you to look at her. Then this women, who I DON'T know from Eve, who was there with two kids at the doctor for who knows what reason. Gets offended that I told her no. Gave me a crusty look and walked away. OK, for one it's MY baby, and if I don't want weird people looking at her that's MY decision, and you don't need to get offended!. Two, we were at the DOCTOR, you are there for a REASON. I don't know what that reason is. For all I know one of your kids is sick, so I don't need your foreign germs on or around my child. And third, the car seat cover was DOWN! I had her covered for a reason. If I wanted the whole world to see her, I would leave it UP.
Am I the only Mom that get bothered by this? It's kind of like when other people touch your belly when you're pregnant. It's a matter of personal boundaries. You just don't touch someone else unless your invited too. And while we're on the topic. WHY oh WHY is it acceptable to touch a pregnant woman's belly? What social rule, ever made that okay? I just don't get it. I don't go up to random people and touch them. But I am all about personal space. I even hate it when people get to close to me when I'm in line for anything.
So that is made rant for the day. Other then weird lady wanting to look at Madison the visit went pretty well. She is growing like a weed. She is almost 3 months old (May 24th) and is now up to 7 lbs 13 oz, and 20 inches long. She is still below the curve, but her doctor assures me that in the next month or two she will be at the bottom of the curve for her age. He even said twice, how amazed he was with her growth. And that he wished he saw more preemie babies doing as well as she is.
It makes me feel so blessed when we find out just how good Madison is doing. She had such a rough start in her life, things could have just as easily gone the other way. But the Lord decided that she was going to thrive. For that Tyler and I are eternally grateful for that.
By the way, Madisons' pediatrician is AMAZING! His name is Dr. Peter Lindgren. He is so good with her. Every time we go, he tells be how beautiful she is, and he looks at her as if he was looking at one of his own kids. And is very easy to talk to. He listens to all of my concerns, and doesn't make me feel like any of my worries are trivial.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
I'm sitting on my couch this Sunday morning, I should be cleaning up, and giving Miss Madison a bath, but instead I decided to write a blog. It's Sunday morning, my husband and baby are still sleeping, and I have a moment of quite, so I'm not going to feel bad about writing. Beside I have some stuff to get off my chest.
I went back to the NICU on Friday. I was already at the hospital filling out some paperwork for Madison's bills, so I went back to see one of our nurses. It was an interesting experience. Madison has been out of the NICU for exactly one month today. So when I decided to go back, I didn't think it would affect me. Oh I was wrong.
When we were getting ready to leave the NICU one of our nurses told us that if we ever came back it may cause some anxiety, some panic. Well our experience in the NICU was a rather smooth one comparatively, so I thought going back to visit would be a breeze. Like going back to your old high school. A strange sensation, but not a bad one. And that was not the case.
I had Madison in her stroller all bundled and blocked from germs. I thought about typing in my old code to get behind the doors into the labor and delivery/NICU wing of the hospital. But if didn't work I would have been embarrassed. So I went to the front desk and told them I was here to see an employee, they put a sticker on my stroller that basically says, this is my baby, and I'm not stealing one. Then I walked through the doors. Took a right hand turn, and saw the long hallway.
I walked down this long hallway so many times in 5 weeks. In the beginning it was a dreaded walk. I never knew what would be happening behind the doors that lead into the NICU. The first few days were the worst. She was so small, and had IV's and didn't move much. I'm not sure that I'll ever be able to forget how I felt seeing her the first time. The sense of failure on my part. My body couldn't keep her safe like it was supposed to. And she was so little and fragile, how would I ever be able to take her home? And even as she started to get better the walk down that hallway never got easier. And even the last time we walked down that hallway was hard. We knew just how close we were to going home. What if something had happened while we were away that changed everything. That hallway is where you're biggest fears came to a head, when you can't get OUT of your head. You imagine the worst and pray for the best. A lot of emotion came out in that hallway.
I took my first step toward the NICU and down the hallway. I had my baby with me in her stroller, I could see her through the little window. I KNEW she was okay and WITH me. So why did all of the emotions come flooding back? I almost started crying. Everything that we went through in 5 short weeks, came flying at me in the few minutes it took to walk to the doors. The uncertainty, the anger, the nerves, the joy. All at once it was on the surface. The nurse was right. I was having a hard time with this.
When I got to the doors, I push the button I had pushed so many times, I took a deep breath and waited for my old nurse and friend to come to the door. When she got there I got a bear hug, and then she took Madison out of my hands, and loved her and gushed over her. It was a good visit. I got to show off my baby, like a new mom should. And it was a good way to close that chapter of our lives.
I plan on going back, there are a few other nurses I would like to see. And maybe someday I will volunteer there, to help other families. (but that is a long ways away). But seeing an old friend and being in the hallway and laughing, I couldn't have asked for a better ending.
I went back to the NICU on Friday. I was already at the hospital filling out some paperwork for Madison's bills, so I went back to see one of our nurses. It was an interesting experience. Madison has been out of the NICU for exactly one month today. So when I decided to go back, I didn't think it would affect me. Oh I was wrong.
When we were getting ready to leave the NICU one of our nurses told us that if we ever came back it may cause some anxiety, some panic. Well our experience in the NICU was a rather smooth one comparatively, so I thought going back to visit would be a breeze. Like going back to your old high school. A strange sensation, but not a bad one. And that was not the case.
I had Madison in her stroller all bundled and blocked from germs. I thought about typing in my old code to get behind the doors into the labor and delivery/NICU wing of the hospital. But if didn't work I would have been embarrassed. So I went to the front desk and told them I was here to see an employee, they put a sticker on my stroller that basically says, this is my baby, and I'm not stealing one. Then I walked through the doors. Took a right hand turn, and saw the long hallway.
I walked down this long hallway so many times in 5 weeks. In the beginning it was a dreaded walk. I never knew what would be happening behind the doors that lead into the NICU. The first few days were the worst. She was so small, and had IV's and didn't move much. I'm not sure that I'll ever be able to forget how I felt seeing her the first time. The sense of failure on my part. My body couldn't keep her safe like it was supposed to. And she was so little and fragile, how would I ever be able to take her home? And even as she started to get better the walk down that hallway never got easier. And even the last time we walked down that hallway was hard. We knew just how close we were to going home. What if something had happened while we were away that changed everything. That hallway is where you're biggest fears came to a head, when you can't get OUT of your head. You imagine the worst and pray for the best. A lot of emotion came out in that hallway.
I took my first step toward the NICU and down the hallway. I had my baby with me in her stroller, I could see her through the little window. I KNEW she was okay and WITH me. So why did all of the emotions come flooding back? I almost started crying. Everything that we went through in 5 short weeks, came flying at me in the few minutes it took to walk to the doors. The uncertainty, the anger, the nerves, the joy. All at once it was on the surface. The nurse was right. I was having a hard time with this.
When I got to the doors, I push the button I had pushed so many times, I took a deep breath and waited for my old nurse and friend to come to the door. When she got there I got a bear hug, and then she took Madison out of my hands, and loved her and gushed over her. It was a good visit. I got to show off my baby, like a new mom should. And it was a good way to close that chapter of our lives.
I plan on going back, there are a few other nurses I would like to see. And maybe someday I will volunteer there, to help other families. (but that is a long ways away). But seeing an old friend and being in the hallway and laughing, I couldn't have asked for a better ending.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Boring, Just How It Should Be.
Well, it's been about 2 1/2 weeks since Madison has been home. I can't believe it! It's been such a whirlwind of emotions, doctor appointments, and feedings. We have gotten into a nice little routine. I must say that is a definite perk of time spent in the NICU. She is so used to being on a schedule, that she didn't really blink an eye when we got home, and kept up the same (or close to) schedule. It's an ever four hours dealio.
Our day starts between 6:00-7:00 am. I get up for the first feeding of the day. I have to say it's the best one of the day. I usually have to wake HER up. When I pick her up and bring her to my shoulder she snuggles right in. Just like I remember doing when my mom would pick me up when I was sleeping. After eating we usually snuggle on the couch, just to make sure she goes back to sleep, then Mommy and Madison go back to bed for a few hours. Around 9:30 I we get up and we both get some breakfast, and start the day. Madison usually hangs out in her bassinet or bouncy thing, while mom cleans the house. And every 4 hours she eats, and I pump. Then the most exciting part of both our days, Daddy comes home around 5:30. Tyler then takes over taking care of her for most of the night. We get in one last feeding around 1030 or 11:00, and off to bed this little family goes. Madison USUALLY only gets up once a night around 2:00 or 2:30. Of course it can take a couple hours to get her back to sleep, but all in all not a bad set up we have.
Now I know that you aren't reading to learn about our daily routine, but I have to say I'm pretty please with it. And if you have to be in the NICU for 5 weeks, at least you get the perk of having a baby with a schedule when you get to go home.
I have fallen into a stay at home Mom routine. I love being with my little girl. But I gotta tell ya, right now it gets a little boring, and a little lonely. I know it won't always be this way. I won't always be tied to the house because her immune system is so weak, and she's on oxygen. I will be sitting here thinking about things I want or need to, and I think about going out, but then I realize I can't. And it makes me a little depressed. It sucks to stay cooped up in the house all day. When the sun is shining it's not so bad, I can go sit outside, and play in the dirt. But today, today was rainy. So I cleaned my whole house. I have a schedule for cleaning, a different room everyday. So now what do I do? My whole house is clean already. I don't quite know what to do with all my time yet. When she gets bigger I'm sure my time will be spent keeping her out of things, and entertained.
OH but I forgot! I WILL have something to do soon! I signed up to take a self-paced class, to prepare me to take the state licensing exam to become a hearing aid specialist. Its something I've been thinking about doing for a while now, but I just never had the time. Tyler and I talked about it the other day, and since I'm not going back to work until May 20th and even then it will be part time, this is the best time to do it. Right now I'm just waiting for my books to get here.
Sorry for this post, it was kind of boring, but that's me now! And I love it. No more hospitals, no more NICU, no more doctors, or nurses. Just me, Tyler and Madison. The way it should be!
Our day starts between 6:00-7:00 am. I get up for the first feeding of the day. I have to say it's the best one of the day. I usually have to wake HER up. When I pick her up and bring her to my shoulder she snuggles right in. Just like I remember doing when my mom would pick me up when I was sleeping. After eating we usually snuggle on the couch, just to make sure she goes back to sleep, then Mommy and Madison go back to bed for a few hours. Around 9:30 I we get up and we both get some breakfast, and start the day. Madison usually hangs out in her bassinet or bouncy thing, while mom cleans the house. And every 4 hours she eats, and I pump. Then the most exciting part of both our days, Daddy comes home around 5:30. Tyler then takes over taking care of her for most of the night. We get in one last feeding around 1030 or 11:00, and off to bed this little family goes. Madison USUALLY only gets up once a night around 2:00 or 2:30. Of course it can take a couple hours to get her back to sleep, but all in all not a bad set up we have.
Now I know that you aren't reading to learn about our daily routine, but I have to say I'm pretty please with it. And if you have to be in the NICU for 5 weeks, at least you get the perk of having a baby with a schedule when you get to go home.
I have fallen into a stay at home Mom routine. I love being with my little girl. But I gotta tell ya, right now it gets a little boring, and a little lonely. I know it won't always be this way. I won't always be tied to the house because her immune system is so weak, and she's on oxygen. I will be sitting here thinking about things I want or need to, and I think about going out, but then I realize I can't. And it makes me a little depressed. It sucks to stay cooped up in the house all day. When the sun is shining it's not so bad, I can go sit outside, and play in the dirt. But today, today was rainy. So I cleaned my whole house. I have a schedule for cleaning, a different room everyday. So now what do I do? My whole house is clean already. I don't quite know what to do with all my time yet. When she gets bigger I'm sure my time will be spent keeping her out of things, and entertained.
OH but I forgot! I WILL have something to do soon! I signed up to take a self-paced class, to prepare me to take the state licensing exam to become a hearing aid specialist. Its something I've been thinking about doing for a while now, but I just never had the time. Tyler and I talked about it the other day, and since I'm not going back to work until May 20th and even then it will be part time, this is the best time to do it. Right now I'm just waiting for my books to get here.
Sorry for this post, it was kind of boring, but that's me now! And I love it. No more hospitals, no more NICU, no more doctors, or nurses. Just me, Tyler and Madison. The way it should be!
Friday, April 13, 2012
On to the Next adventure.....HOME!
Well, we made it. WE MADE IT HOME! On March 29th, we got the all clear from the doctors to bring my beautiful baby home. On Wednesday night Tyler and I spent the night with Madison in the hospital. They have rooms that you can stay in right before you go home, so that you can have a night with your kid, and their medical equipment. The theory behind it, is that once you get home, you know how to deal with any problems that may arise. That was a really long night. Madison is still on a small amount of oxygen so she has to be on a blood oxygen monitor to make sure she doesn't drop down too low. Well this machine is super annoying. Every time she moved her little foot, it went off. And then there were the feedings. Getting up every 4 hours for feedings was a completely forgein concept to me. I hadn't had to do it before. Needless to say Thrusday dawned very early and with a very tired mom and dad. It was still exciting because we'd never spent the night with our little girl.
We went back to NICU after catching a few ZZZ's after the nurse took her before morning rounds. The first thing out of my mouth as the day shift nurse came in (not one of our primary's unfortunatly) was "are we going home?" she informed me that we wouldn't find out until after rounds. My balloon instantly deflated. After spending over a month in the NICU I knew that rounds could happen as early as 10:00 am or as late as 1:00 pm. So Tyler and I settled into her room as Madison worked on her car seat test, and waited.
Lucky for me, rounds started at 11:00 on this day. So now we just had to wait our turn. The good thing about being in 'A' pod, most of the babies were/are whats called "feeder/growers" which for the most part, doesn't come with a whole lot of updates from the doctor. Of course on this day there were 2 critical babies in our pod, with a lot to talk about. I could see the gathering of Doctors and parents from our window/doors. I felt a little selfish, I just wanted all the other meetings to hurry up, so that we could have ours. I was a little anxious. After what seemed like an eternity, our nurse came in and said it was our turn. I jumped up and was ready to bolt out the door. Tyler was sitting there playing on his phone, and the nurse asked if he wanted to come. I told him he had to. It could be the rounds that they tell us we're going home, he had to be there.
So we walked out to the nurses station and took our seats. The doctors and nurses talked about her numbers and how she was doing. The the Neonatologist looked at me and asked if we were ready to go home. Uh DUH! But I calmly said, yes we are ready. And the doctor said the best words I'd ever heard. "So, let it be done." I was a little shocked. Really? It's over, we get to go? I looked around at all the faces there and asked, so now what? Do we just pack her up and go?
There were a few things we had to get done first, one last feeding, some discharge papers, a vitamin perscription, and gathering up our stuff. While we were waiting for everything to be done, I went to the nurses station to talk to Ramona. Ramona was not one of our primary nurses, but I wish she would have been. She was with Madison during her first week in the NICU, and her last week in the NICU. Ramona was talking to another mother, so I just hung back and waited my turn. Ramona asked the other mother when she was going home. She responded that if everything went well, they would be going the next day. Ramona then turned to me and asked when we were going home. I looked at her with tears in my eyes and said "now, we're going home now." Ramona jumped up and rushed over to me. And I just lost it. She gave me a big bear hug, and I started crying. Oh but these were happy tears. For the first time since being in the NICU I was crying tears of joy. We get to go home! One leg of our journey was finally coming to a close.
At 1:45 I signed the discharge papers, and Tyler and I packed up our daughter and walked out of the NICU one last time. One last walk down that long hallway. We got into the car, and drove out of the parking lot one last time.
And now we are home. The three of us, our little family home at last. Madison is still on a small amount of oxygen, so we are tethered to an oxygen tank. And we can't go into the general public for about 3 months. But oh, to be home, to not have to GO somewhere to see my daughter. It's a feeling that I can't describe. It's wonderful. I walk a couple of steps and there she is. We've gone to the doctor twice since being home, and she is still doing great! We are starting to wean her off the oxygen. We're hoping to have her off that by then end of the month.
We decided not to announce her coming home on Facebook. She is still vunerable to germs. Because of that, we don't want any unexpected visitors. It's been hard for me not to announce it to the whole world. But I am one protective mama when it comes to my little girl. I don't want anyone that doesn't have the all clear to come near my daughter. Maybe in a few weeks I'll finally let people in my extended network know that she came home. But for now it's nice to be a family at home, in our own little world. It's been a long time coming, and I love every second of it.
We went back to NICU after catching a few ZZZ's after the nurse took her before morning rounds. The first thing out of my mouth as the day shift nurse came in (not one of our primary's unfortunatly) was "are we going home?" she informed me that we wouldn't find out until after rounds. My balloon instantly deflated. After spending over a month in the NICU I knew that rounds could happen as early as 10:00 am or as late as 1:00 pm. So Tyler and I settled into her room as Madison worked on her car seat test, and waited.
Lucky for me, rounds started at 11:00 on this day. So now we just had to wait our turn. The good thing about being in 'A' pod, most of the babies were/are whats called "feeder/growers" which for the most part, doesn't come with a whole lot of updates from the doctor. Of course on this day there were 2 critical babies in our pod, with a lot to talk about. I could see the gathering of Doctors and parents from our window/doors. I felt a little selfish, I just wanted all the other meetings to hurry up, so that we could have ours. I was a little anxious. After what seemed like an eternity, our nurse came in and said it was our turn. I jumped up and was ready to bolt out the door. Tyler was sitting there playing on his phone, and the nurse asked if he wanted to come. I told him he had to. It could be the rounds that they tell us we're going home, he had to be there.
So we walked out to the nurses station and took our seats. The doctors and nurses talked about her numbers and how she was doing. The the Neonatologist looked at me and asked if we were ready to go home. Uh DUH! But I calmly said, yes we are ready. And the doctor said the best words I'd ever heard. "So, let it be done." I was a little shocked. Really? It's over, we get to go? I looked around at all the faces there and asked, so now what? Do we just pack her up and go?
There were a few things we had to get done first, one last feeding, some discharge papers, a vitamin perscription, and gathering up our stuff. While we were waiting for everything to be done, I went to the nurses station to talk to Ramona. Ramona was not one of our primary nurses, but I wish she would have been. She was with Madison during her first week in the NICU, and her last week in the NICU. Ramona was talking to another mother, so I just hung back and waited my turn. Ramona asked the other mother when she was going home. She responded that if everything went well, they would be going the next day. Ramona then turned to me and asked when we were going home. I looked at her with tears in my eyes and said "now, we're going home now." Ramona jumped up and rushed over to me. And I just lost it. She gave me a big bear hug, and I started crying. Oh but these were happy tears. For the first time since being in the NICU I was crying tears of joy. We get to go home! One leg of our journey was finally coming to a close.
At 1:45 I signed the discharge papers, and Tyler and I packed up our daughter and walked out of the NICU one last time. One last walk down that long hallway. We got into the car, and drove out of the parking lot one last time.
And now we are home. The three of us, our little family home at last. Madison is still on a small amount of oxygen, so we are tethered to an oxygen tank. And we can't go into the general public for about 3 months. But oh, to be home, to not have to GO somewhere to see my daughter. It's a feeling that I can't describe. It's wonderful. I walk a couple of steps and there she is. We've gone to the doctor twice since being home, and she is still doing great! We are starting to wean her off the oxygen. We're hoping to have her off that by then end of the month.
We decided not to announce her coming home on Facebook. She is still vunerable to germs. Because of that, we don't want any unexpected visitors. It's been hard for me not to announce it to the whole world. But I am one protective mama when it comes to my little girl. I don't want anyone that doesn't have the all clear to come near my daughter. Maybe in a few weeks I'll finally let people in my extended network know that she came home. But for now it's nice to be a family at home, in our own little world. It's been a long time coming, and I love every second of it.
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