I went to work at 5:30, Tyler and Mads were laughing and playing. I wasn't feeling good, and not looking forward to going to work. But I did, and I put forth my best effort for 2 1/2 hours. I had to come home, I'm tired, my throat hurts, and just plain ol' didn't want to be there anymore.
When I got home, there were no cars in the drive way and the house was empty. I was looking forward to the warm greetings I get from Tyler and Madison. But as I sit here in the quite living room, I'm glad for a minute of piece and quite. I think I will catch up on my favorite show, Big Bang Theory. Thank heavens for Hulu.
Friday, February 8, 2013
Saturday, January 19, 2013
It's been almost a year since Madison was born. And the closer it gets the more I think about where I was a year ago. Today on Jan. 19th 2012 I was just enjoying being pregnant I was just noticing some swelling in my legs and feet (which we now know was the beginning of preeclampcia). I am more prone to...not necessarily flashbacks, but I will find myself remembering more about our time in the hospital. Little things will bring back memories. A noise that sounds like the blood pressure machine, or Madison's monitors in the NICU, even the oxygen monitor.
I was at work and something was beeping and it sounded like the blood pressure monitor. Which for all intents and purposes, was my worst nightmare for 2 weeks. I got lost in my thoughts for a few seconds. I'm sure I looked all glassed eyed and distant for a split second.
These memories are coming back with such clarity because Madison's birthday is getting closer. And because Tyler and I had originally thought about have our kids about 2 years apart. Which means we'd have to get pregnant again this summer. That's something I'm not sure I'm ready to do. I was so excited to have Madison, and my pregnancy was going so well...until it wasn't. And the thought of going through that experience (as good as it turned out) it is terrifying to me. And I don't know how I would do it with Madison this time.
I'm making it sound like these memories are horrible for me to relive. And some of them are a little scary. But I actually have some good memories too. There was a lot of laughter, between the crying. And lets not forget, I got my beautiful Madison out of the whole ordeal. I have also made some new friends, some that I hope to keep for a lifetime.
And AFTER Madison's birthday when Tyler and I decided to start talking about expanding our family, there will be a lot of prayer and discussion before we decide to proceed.
So i know this blog isn't really a great read, but these are some thoughts that have been going through my head the last couple of days, and I just needed to get them out. So thanks for reading through my ramblings.
I was at work and something was beeping and it sounded like the blood pressure monitor. Which for all intents and purposes, was my worst nightmare for 2 weeks. I got lost in my thoughts for a few seconds. I'm sure I looked all glassed eyed and distant for a split second.
These memories are coming back with such clarity because Madison's birthday is getting closer. And because Tyler and I had originally thought about have our kids about 2 years apart. Which means we'd have to get pregnant again this summer. That's something I'm not sure I'm ready to do. I was so excited to have Madison, and my pregnancy was going so well...until it wasn't. And the thought of going through that experience (as good as it turned out) it is terrifying to me. And I don't know how I would do it with Madison this time.
I'm making it sound like these memories are horrible for me to relive. And some of them are a little scary. But I actually have some good memories too. There was a lot of laughter, between the crying. And lets not forget, I got my beautiful Madison out of the whole ordeal. I have also made some new friends, some that I hope to keep for a lifetime.
And AFTER Madison's birthday when Tyler and I decided to start talking about expanding our family, there will be a lot of prayer and discussion before we decide to proceed.
So i know this blog isn't really a great read, but these are some thoughts that have been going through my head the last couple of days, and I just needed to get them out. So thanks for reading through my ramblings.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Ranting about Germs and Winter, but Mostly Germs
The winter weather is officially upon us. With the winter weather comes cold and flu season. And for me the constant worry that Madison might get sick. I feel the need to clarify some things. I worry about Madison getting sick. Yes, I am a new mom, and so I worry more then a mom of 2 or 3, because I don't know what the 'norm' is. BUT, please don't think that I am being overly protective of my child, when I tell someone that we won't be going to church/attending your party/ or playing with your kids, if any one is sick. I'm not trying to be rude or mean. Madison cannot fight germs as well as a full term baby can. We are back on a modified 'lockdown' through the cold and flu season. When Madison was released from the hospital in April cold and flu season was on the way out. So we were told to stay away from other people for about 3 months so that her immune system could gain some strength. So we did. And after that we started taking her out more, and we even ventured to church. But at her last well child appointment her doctor told us, this winter we need to be careful. We do not need to avoid people this year, but if they have a cold or are sick, we need to avoid them. RSV is a scary illness for a term baby with lungs that are ready to enter the world. It's even worse for a preemie baby.
Madison was born 10 weeks early, her lungs were NOT ready yet. So I know that some people with babies Madisons age may think I'm being a crazy mom, I know I'm not. I spent 5 weeks, 5 WEEKS, in the NICU. With people telling me every day to hope for the best but expect the worse. "She's doing really good today, but tomorrow could be different." "She did really good lastnight, but she could always go down hill." Up until the day, THE DAY we went home, people were telling us that things could take a turn for the worse. So every night when Tyler and I got ready to leave her side, we would pray that she would get through the night with no complications. Every morning, and the way to the hospital I would pray that she had a good night. And every afternoon when I left her side, I would pray for her to have a good day. I prayed 24/7 for her to get better, and stay better. I wished and hoped and prayed for 5 weeks to not hear bad news. We were lucky, she never had a bad night or day. She never had a downhill drop, she kept getting better and better. And when we got her home, she continued to thrive.
I know, no mother wants her child to get sick, and most new moms worry about a cough or the sniffles. But for me, I fought for 5 weeks for her to get better, and stay that way. And I will do that for as long as I have to. I will not expose her to unnecessary risk. Next year might be better, she will be almost 2, and her lungs will be stronger. So next winter, we would love to come to your parties/ play dates/ and church, with or without every ones germs. But this year, I'm not going to do it. And I hope I don't offend anyone but if I do, well then to me, it will be your problem not mine.
I also feel I have to add this... My stay in the NICU, was minuscule to what some others have to go through. And I know that. My experience was a relatively good one. I mean the NICU sucks, no doubt about that. But my stay could have been a LOT worse, and I thank God that it wasn't. I have friends who's babies went through worse then Mads. But one thing all NICU families have in common, we will all do what we have to do to prevent our babies from ever ending up back in the NICU or PICU. It's just not something we want to go through again.
So if I have to hurt some feelings to keep Madison healthy, well then I will just have to do that. And either you get over it, or you won't. If you don't, well then I guess we weren't that close anyway.
Madison was born 10 weeks early, her lungs were NOT ready yet. So I know that some people with babies Madisons age may think I'm being a crazy mom, I know I'm not. I spent 5 weeks, 5 WEEKS, in the NICU. With people telling me every day to hope for the best but expect the worse. "She's doing really good today, but tomorrow could be different." "She did really good lastnight, but she could always go down hill." Up until the day, THE DAY we went home, people were telling us that things could take a turn for the worse. So every night when Tyler and I got ready to leave her side, we would pray that she would get through the night with no complications. Every morning, and the way to the hospital I would pray that she had a good night. And every afternoon when I left her side, I would pray for her to have a good day. I prayed 24/7 for her to get better, and stay better. I wished and hoped and prayed for 5 weeks to not hear bad news. We were lucky, she never had a bad night or day. She never had a downhill drop, she kept getting better and better. And when we got her home, she continued to thrive.
I know, no mother wants her child to get sick, and most new moms worry about a cough or the sniffles. But for me, I fought for 5 weeks for her to get better, and stay that way. And I will do that for as long as I have to. I will not expose her to unnecessary risk. Next year might be better, she will be almost 2, and her lungs will be stronger. So next winter, we would love to come to your parties/ play dates/ and church, with or without every ones germs. But this year, I'm not going to do it. And I hope I don't offend anyone but if I do, well then to me, it will be your problem not mine.
I also feel I have to add this... My stay in the NICU, was minuscule to what some others have to go through. And I know that. My experience was a relatively good one. I mean the NICU sucks, no doubt about that. But my stay could have been a LOT worse, and I thank God that it wasn't. I have friends who's babies went through worse then Mads. But one thing all NICU families have in common, we will all do what we have to do to prevent our babies from ever ending up back in the NICU or PICU. It's just not something we want to go through again.
So if I have to hurt some feelings to keep Madison healthy, well then I will just have to do that. And either you get over it, or you won't. If you don't, well then I guess we weren't that close anyway.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Neonatal Followup Progra
On September 27th 3 days after Madison turned 7 months, we had the opportunity to go to her Neonatal Followup Program visit. We got a letter from the state health department telling us that we could participate in this program. She will have 4 visits in the next 2 years, I think it what it said. The letter said that the "community" is interested in seeing how she develops over the next few years. And by "community" I'm assuming they mean the medical community. Because my own personal community knows how my daughter is doing.
Anyway, our appointment was at the bright and early hour of 8:30 am. I know that this isn't really an early time, but the appointment was down by the University hospital. Not really where I wanted to travel to during rush hour traffic. But the traffic wasn't the worst of it. Finding the damn place was the worst of it. It really isn't an easy place to find. And Tyler and I were snapping at each other before we got there, and barely speaking when we pulled into the parking lot. It was early, and neither of us had eaten yet. So it was not a good combination.
The letter told us to expect a 3 hour visit. And they weren't wrong we were there for about 2 and a half. We saw 2 doctors and a nutritionist. The first doctor we saw was a physical therapist. He worked with Madison to see how she is developing. One nice thing about about this visit, is that the doctors there all know that Madison was a preemie and the appointments check her development based on her adjusted age not her actual age. So her actual age is 7 months, but her adjusted age is only 5 months because she was 2 months early. So when they tested her skills they did it according to where a 5 month old would be. And the P.T. said she was doing very well! He was really surprised at all the stuff she can do. She can roll over no problems. She interacts with people, will grab for toys and bring them to her mouth. And she is still thisclose to sitting up. All things that are very good. So of course she is behind a 7 month old, but she is advanced for a 5 month old. The appointment with the P.T. was the most informative.
We also met with a pediatrician, she didn't say anything different, from what Madison's Pediatrician has been saying. And we also meet with the nutritionist. The nutritionist was surprised that Madison is eating solid foods so well right now. She asked if we'd been spoon feeding her. Uh, yes, how else would we do it?
Our next Neonatal Followup appointment is in December, apparently this one will be a more detailed visit. She will see an Audiologist, an eye doctor , and a Phsycologist, in addition to the other doctors she's already seen.
When we were there, we had to wait in the waiting room in between the doctors with other parents and they're preemie babies. It was an eye opener for me, to see all the babies born early. Most of them were doing well for they're ages, and complications they faced at birth. Others were not. You could see the delays, but the fact that all of these babies are here and turning into infants and toddlers is a miracle. It was fun to talk to other parents and to hear their stories, and to share ours.
While I am not looking forward to another 3-4 hours appointment. I am glad that we have the opportunity to meet with these doctors. And to see how she is developing for a baby that was born 2 months early. It can get frustrating sometimes to hear about your friends babies who are younger then your own, but are doing things yours hasn't yet. So it's nice to hear that your baby is actually doing expectationally well. Cause let's face it everyone thinks their kid does expectationally well, but to hear it, well that's just really nice.
Anyway, our appointment was at the bright and early hour of 8:30 am. I know that this isn't really an early time, but the appointment was down by the University hospital. Not really where I wanted to travel to during rush hour traffic. But the traffic wasn't the worst of it. Finding the damn place was the worst of it. It really isn't an easy place to find. And Tyler and I were snapping at each other before we got there, and barely speaking when we pulled into the parking lot. It was early, and neither of us had eaten yet. So it was not a good combination.
The letter told us to expect a 3 hour visit. And they weren't wrong we were there for about 2 and a half. We saw 2 doctors and a nutritionist. The first doctor we saw was a physical therapist. He worked with Madison to see how she is developing. One nice thing about about this visit, is that the doctors there all know that Madison was a preemie and the appointments check her development based on her adjusted age not her actual age. So her actual age is 7 months, but her adjusted age is only 5 months because she was 2 months early. So when they tested her skills they did it according to where a 5 month old would be. And the P.T. said she was doing very well! He was really surprised at all the stuff she can do. She can roll over no problems. She interacts with people, will grab for toys and bring them to her mouth. And she is still thisclose to sitting up. All things that are very good. So of course she is behind a 7 month old, but she is advanced for a 5 month old. The appointment with the P.T. was the most informative.
We also met with a pediatrician, she didn't say anything different, from what Madison's Pediatrician has been saying. And we also meet with the nutritionist. The nutritionist was surprised that Madison is eating solid foods so well right now. She asked if we'd been spoon feeding her. Uh, yes, how else would we do it?
Our next Neonatal Followup appointment is in December, apparently this one will be a more detailed visit. She will see an Audiologist, an eye doctor , and a Phsycologist, in addition to the other doctors she's already seen.
When we were there, we had to wait in the waiting room in between the doctors with other parents and they're preemie babies. It was an eye opener for me, to see all the babies born early. Most of them were doing well for they're ages, and complications they faced at birth. Others were not. You could see the delays, but the fact that all of these babies are here and turning into infants and toddlers is a miracle. It was fun to talk to other parents and to hear their stories, and to share ours.
While I am not looking forward to another 3-4 hours appointment. I am glad that we have the opportunity to meet with these doctors. And to see how she is developing for a baby that was born 2 months early. It can get frustrating sometimes to hear about your friends babies who are younger then your own, but are doing things yours hasn't yet. So it's nice to hear that your baby is actually doing expectationally well. Cause let's face it everyone thinks their kid does expectationally well, but to hear it, well that's just really nice.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
6 Months with Madison!
I'm a little behind, in getting this post up. But Madison is now 6 months old! And that is a BIG deal!!! Only 6 more months, until my little monkey is a whole year old!! But for now lets focus on the fun things that comes with 6 months.
*Madison loves to blow raspberries, and she doesn't have the slobber under control though. You will usually get sprayed with slobber if you are in a 5 feet radius of her :)
*She scrunches up her little nose when she smiles now.
*She loves to "fly" and "jump."
* Squeals and squeaks are a part of her regular vocabulary.
*She has been eating rice cereal is a champ, and is going to start eating veggies soon. Although meal time usually is followed by a bath. She tries to eat her hands AND the cereal. Then she'll rub her face with her grubby hands and get cereal ALL over her face. I LOVE IT! I know it's messy, but it's just too cute, not to love it.
*Bed time has become a bit of a challenge as of late :( We just recently switched from her bassinet to her crib. And oh man it's not going so smooth. She likes to sleep on her tummy. She always starts on her back, but about 5 minutes later she flips over. And after about a week of fighting her I finally realized that she can flip from back to front and front to back. She has enough strength in her neck to move if she needs to. Well when she's on her stomach she scoots forward and side to side, she hasn't mastered the art of scooting backwards. So she will scoot her way all the way to the top of the crib and get stuck there. And eventually bonks her head on the slates of the crib. Thus waking her up, screaming. And then I wake up. She has never had a problem sleeping through the night. So this is a new experience for me. I hope we can work through it, and quickly :)
* She has finally found her toes, and they are regularly in her hand, when she isn't on her tummy.
It is so much fun to have her around. I love watching her grow and turn into an awesome person. She is still a Daddy's girl, and doesn't want much to do with me when Tyler is home. But that's ok, she needs time with her Daddy too. I can't wait to see what the next 6 months hold!
*Madison loves to blow raspberries, and she doesn't have the slobber under control though. You will usually get sprayed with slobber if you are in a 5 feet radius of her :)
*She scrunches up her little nose when she smiles now.
*She loves to "fly" and "jump."
* Squeals and squeaks are a part of her regular vocabulary.
*She has been eating rice cereal is a champ, and is going to start eating veggies soon. Although meal time usually is followed by a bath. She tries to eat her hands AND the cereal. Then she'll rub her face with her grubby hands and get cereal ALL over her face. I LOVE IT! I know it's messy, but it's just too cute, not to love it.
*Bed time has become a bit of a challenge as of late :( We just recently switched from her bassinet to her crib. And oh man it's not going so smooth. She likes to sleep on her tummy. She always starts on her back, but about 5 minutes later she flips over. And after about a week of fighting her I finally realized that she can flip from back to front and front to back. She has enough strength in her neck to move if she needs to. Well when she's on her stomach she scoots forward and side to side, she hasn't mastered the art of scooting backwards. So she will scoot her way all the way to the top of the crib and get stuck there. And eventually bonks her head on the slates of the crib. Thus waking her up, screaming. And then I wake up. She has never had a problem sleeping through the night. So this is a new experience for me. I hope we can work through it, and quickly :)
* She has finally found her toes, and they are regularly in her hand, when she isn't on her tummy.
It is so much fun to have her around. I love watching her grow and turn into an awesome person. She is still a Daddy's girl, and doesn't want much to do with me when Tyler is home. But that's ok, she needs time with her Daddy too. I can't wait to see what the next 6 months hold!
Saturday, August 4, 2012
COOKIES!
I DID IT!! I finally managed to make a batch of cookies, that turned out they way they were supposed too. I love to bake, and I'd like to think I'm actually pretty good at it. But cookies are the one thing that I've never been able to do. They always turn out pancake thin and greasy. But I found a recipe for high altitude chocolate chip cookies. And when I pulled my first batch out of the oven they were PERFECT!! And they tasted pretty darn good too!
So now I can rest easy, my children will not grow up with out knowing the taste of homemade cookies :)
So now I can rest easy, my children will not grow up with out knowing the taste of homemade cookies :)
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
5 months, is a big deal!
So I'm a little behind with the whole monthly updates on my kid thing, so far behind in fact, it's NEVER happened. To be honest, there hasn't been a whole lot to report on. She was 2 months premature, and so like my BFF said once "it's like having a newborn for 4 months" oh how right she was/is! Madison is just now becoming more and more entertaining. I mean she has always had her own little personality, since day one. But now, oh NOW we see some good stuff.
*She is still sleeping through the night! She got that one down after about 3 weeks home! (I'm spoiled I know, but hey a schedule is one good thing to come from the 5 weeks in the NICU ok?)
*She is starting to roll over, in fact just today she was so mad because she couldn't get all the way over from her back to her tummy. She threw a royal fit. I thought about helping her, but how's she ever gonna learn if Momma helps her every time. She eventually got onto her side, and promptly gave up and fell asleep.
*She can turn around in a circle on her back. Slowly inching her way around, with her head in the same spot. It's quite funny to lay her down on the floor, and watch her become more mobile.
*She loves to be bounced on the bed. Tyler found this out by accident one day (at Lagoon in my Dads' trailer) she was being a fussy butt, so Tyler gently bounced the bed around her. She LOVED it! She will smile with her whole face, till it looks like it must hurt.
* Her nicknames are as follows: Mads, Stinker butt, Pretty Girl, Little Lady, and Monkey. Monkey is a pretty popular one. Because she was so early, she was covered in peach fuzz like hair, and her Aunt Sherri lovingly started calling her Monkey, and it stuck.
*She loves to chew on anything cloth. If she can get her hands on it, it's in her mouth. If she can get a hold of her clothes, they will be drenched in slobber.
*She is discovering her slobber now too. Oh what fun it is! She will suck her bottom lip in, then push it out along with copious amounts of slobber. And repeat again and again.
*She is still in her bassinet, although we have taken out the lounger thingy, it was to high and she would be curled up in the bottom by morning. She spends time in the crib during the day, but still isn't a fan of sleeping in it.
*She has laughed a couple of times, I have only heard it a couple of times, but her Daddy can make her do it all the time.
*She is a totally Daddies girl. She loves to just hang out with Tyler. When she's with him, she must be held, sat next to him. And in general just be near him. It's cute.
It's so fun to watch my little girl grow up. She is now a hefty 10 lbs 13 oz, 23 inch long. All I wanted when she was in the NICU was for her to grow and get big, now that she is big(er) all I want is for her to stay little.
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