The winter weather is officially upon us. With the winter weather comes cold and flu season. And for me the constant worry that Madison might get sick. I feel the need to clarify some things. I worry about Madison getting sick. Yes, I am a new mom, and so I worry more then a mom of 2 or 3, because I don't know what the 'norm' is. BUT, please don't think that I am being overly protective of my child, when I tell someone that we won't be going to church/attending your party/ or playing with your kids, if any one is sick. I'm not trying to be rude or mean. Madison cannot fight germs as well as a full term baby can. We are back on a modified 'lockdown' through the cold and flu season. When Madison was released from the hospital in April cold and flu season was on the way out. So we were told to stay away from other people for about 3 months so that her immune system could gain some strength. So we did. And after that we started taking her out more, and we even ventured to church. But at her last well child appointment her doctor told us, this winter we need to be careful. We do not need to avoid people this year, but if they have a cold or are sick, we need to avoid them. RSV is a scary illness for a term baby with lungs that are ready to enter the world. It's even worse for a preemie baby.
Madison was born 10 weeks early, her lungs were NOT ready yet. So I know that some people with babies Madisons age may think I'm being a crazy mom, I know I'm not. I spent 5 weeks, 5 WEEKS, in the NICU. With people telling me every day to hope for the best but expect the worse. "She's doing really good today, but tomorrow could be different." "She did really good lastnight, but she could always go down hill." Up until the day, THE DAY we went home, people were telling us that things could take a turn for the worse. So every night when Tyler and I got ready to leave her side, we would pray that she would get through the night with no complications. Every morning, and the way to the hospital I would pray that she had a good night. And every afternoon when I left her side, I would pray for her to have a good day. I prayed 24/7 for her to get better, and stay better. I wished and hoped and prayed for 5 weeks to not hear bad news. We were lucky, she never had a bad night or day. She never had a downhill drop, she kept getting better and better. And when we got her home, she continued to thrive.
I know, no mother wants her child to get sick, and most new moms worry about a cough or the sniffles. But for me, I fought for 5 weeks for her to get better, and stay that way. And I will do that for as long as I have to. I will not expose her to unnecessary risk. Next year might be better, she will be almost 2, and her lungs will be stronger. So next winter, we would love to come to your parties/ play dates/ and church, with or without every ones germs. But this year, I'm not going to do it. And I hope I don't offend anyone but if I do, well then to me, it will be your problem not mine.
I also feel I have to add this... My stay in the NICU, was minuscule to what some others have to go through. And I know that. My experience was a relatively good one. I mean the NICU sucks, no doubt about that. But my stay could have been a LOT worse, and I thank God that it wasn't. I have friends who's babies went through worse then Mads. But one thing all NICU families have in common, we will all do what we have to do to prevent our babies from ever ending up back in the NICU or PICU. It's just not something we want to go through again.
So if I have to hurt some feelings to keep Madison healthy, well then I will just have to do that. And either you get over it, or you won't. If you don't, well then I guess we weren't that close anyway.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Neonatal Followup Progra
On September 27th 3 days after Madison turned 7 months, we had the opportunity to go to her Neonatal Followup Program visit. We got a letter from the state health department telling us that we could participate in this program. She will have 4 visits in the next 2 years, I think it what it said. The letter said that the "community" is interested in seeing how she develops over the next few years. And by "community" I'm assuming they mean the medical community. Because my own personal community knows how my daughter is doing.
Anyway, our appointment was at the bright and early hour of 8:30 am. I know that this isn't really an early time, but the appointment was down by the University hospital. Not really where I wanted to travel to during rush hour traffic. But the traffic wasn't the worst of it. Finding the damn place was the worst of it. It really isn't an easy place to find. And Tyler and I were snapping at each other before we got there, and barely speaking when we pulled into the parking lot. It was early, and neither of us had eaten yet. So it was not a good combination.
The letter told us to expect a 3 hour visit. And they weren't wrong we were there for about 2 and a half. We saw 2 doctors and a nutritionist. The first doctor we saw was a physical therapist. He worked with Madison to see how she is developing. One nice thing about about this visit, is that the doctors there all know that Madison was a preemie and the appointments check her development based on her adjusted age not her actual age. So her actual age is 7 months, but her adjusted age is only 5 months because she was 2 months early. So when they tested her skills they did it according to where a 5 month old would be. And the P.T. said she was doing very well! He was really surprised at all the stuff she can do. She can roll over no problems. She interacts with people, will grab for toys and bring them to her mouth. And she is still thisclose to sitting up. All things that are very good. So of course she is behind a 7 month old, but she is advanced for a 5 month old. The appointment with the P.T. was the most informative.
We also met with a pediatrician, she didn't say anything different, from what Madison's Pediatrician has been saying. And we also meet with the nutritionist. The nutritionist was surprised that Madison is eating solid foods so well right now. She asked if we'd been spoon feeding her. Uh, yes, how else would we do it?
Our next Neonatal Followup appointment is in December, apparently this one will be a more detailed visit. She will see an Audiologist, an eye doctor , and a Phsycologist, in addition to the other doctors she's already seen.
When we were there, we had to wait in the waiting room in between the doctors with other parents and they're preemie babies. It was an eye opener for me, to see all the babies born early. Most of them were doing well for they're ages, and complications they faced at birth. Others were not. You could see the delays, but the fact that all of these babies are here and turning into infants and toddlers is a miracle. It was fun to talk to other parents and to hear their stories, and to share ours.
While I am not looking forward to another 3-4 hours appointment. I am glad that we have the opportunity to meet with these doctors. And to see how she is developing for a baby that was born 2 months early. It can get frustrating sometimes to hear about your friends babies who are younger then your own, but are doing things yours hasn't yet. So it's nice to hear that your baby is actually doing expectationally well. Cause let's face it everyone thinks their kid does expectationally well, but to hear it, well that's just really nice.
Anyway, our appointment was at the bright and early hour of 8:30 am. I know that this isn't really an early time, but the appointment was down by the University hospital. Not really where I wanted to travel to during rush hour traffic. But the traffic wasn't the worst of it. Finding the damn place was the worst of it. It really isn't an easy place to find. And Tyler and I were snapping at each other before we got there, and barely speaking when we pulled into the parking lot. It was early, and neither of us had eaten yet. So it was not a good combination.
The letter told us to expect a 3 hour visit. And they weren't wrong we were there for about 2 and a half. We saw 2 doctors and a nutritionist. The first doctor we saw was a physical therapist. He worked with Madison to see how she is developing. One nice thing about about this visit, is that the doctors there all know that Madison was a preemie and the appointments check her development based on her adjusted age not her actual age. So her actual age is 7 months, but her adjusted age is only 5 months because she was 2 months early. So when they tested her skills they did it according to where a 5 month old would be. And the P.T. said she was doing very well! He was really surprised at all the stuff she can do. She can roll over no problems. She interacts with people, will grab for toys and bring them to her mouth. And she is still thisclose to sitting up. All things that are very good. So of course she is behind a 7 month old, but she is advanced for a 5 month old. The appointment with the P.T. was the most informative.
We also met with a pediatrician, she didn't say anything different, from what Madison's Pediatrician has been saying. And we also meet with the nutritionist. The nutritionist was surprised that Madison is eating solid foods so well right now. She asked if we'd been spoon feeding her. Uh, yes, how else would we do it?
Our next Neonatal Followup appointment is in December, apparently this one will be a more detailed visit. She will see an Audiologist, an eye doctor , and a Phsycologist, in addition to the other doctors she's already seen.
When we were there, we had to wait in the waiting room in between the doctors with other parents and they're preemie babies. It was an eye opener for me, to see all the babies born early. Most of them were doing well for they're ages, and complications they faced at birth. Others were not. You could see the delays, but the fact that all of these babies are here and turning into infants and toddlers is a miracle. It was fun to talk to other parents and to hear their stories, and to share ours.
While I am not looking forward to another 3-4 hours appointment. I am glad that we have the opportunity to meet with these doctors. And to see how she is developing for a baby that was born 2 months early. It can get frustrating sometimes to hear about your friends babies who are younger then your own, but are doing things yours hasn't yet. So it's nice to hear that your baby is actually doing expectationally well. Cause let's face it everyone thinks their kid does expectationally well, but to hear it, well that's just really nice.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
6 Months with Madison!
I'm a little behind, in getting this post up. But Madison is now 6 months old! And that is a BIG deal!!! Only 6 more months, until my little monkey is a whole year old!! But for now lets focus on the fun things that comes with 6 months.
*Madison loves to blow raspberries, and she doesn't have the slobber under control though. You will usually get sprayed with slobber if you are in a 5 feet radius of her :)
*She scrunches up her little nose when she smiles now.
*She loves to "fly" and "jump."
* Squeals and squeaks are a part of her regular vocabulary.
*She has been eating rice cereal is a champ, and is going to start eating veggies soon. Although meal time usually is followed by a bath. She tries to eat her hands AND the cereal. Then she'll rub her face with her grubby hands and get cereal ALL over her face. I LOVE IT! I know it's messy, but it's just too cute, not to love it.
*Bed time has become a bit of a challenge as of late :( We just recently switched from her bassinet to her crib. And oh man it's not going so smooth. She likes to sleep on her tummy. She always starts on her back, but about 5 minutes later she flips over. And after about a week of fighting her I finally realized that she can flip from back to front and front to back. She has enough strength in her neck to move if she needs to. Well when she's on her stomach she scoots forward and side to side, she hasn't mastered the art of scooting backwards. So she will scoot her way all the way to the top of the crib and get stuck there. And eventually bonks her head on the slates of the crib. Thus waking her up, screaming. And then I wake up. She has never had a problem sleeping through the night. So this is a new experience for me. I hope we can work through it, and quickly :)
* She has finally found her toes, and they are regularly in her hand, when she isn't on her tummy.
It is so much fun to have her around. I love watching her grow and turn into an awesome person. She is still a Daddy's girl, and doesn't want much to do with me when Tyler is home. But that's ok, she needs time with her Daddy too. I can't wait to see what the next 6 months hold!
*Madison loves to blow raspberries, and she doesn't have the slobber under control though. You will usually get sprayed with slobber if you are in a 5 feet radius of her :)
*She scrunches up her little nose when she smiles now.
*She loves to "fly" and "jump."
* Squeals and squeaks are a part of her regular vocabulary.
*She has been eating rice cereal is a champ, and is going to start eating veggies soon. Although meal time usually is followed by a bath. She tries to eat her hands AND the cereal. Then she'll rub her face with her grubby hands and get cereal ALL over her face. I LOVE IT! I know it's messy, but it's just too cute, not to love it.
*Bed time has become a bit of a challenge as of late :( We just recently switched from her bassinet to her crib. And oh man it's not going so smooth. She likes to sleep on her tummy. She always starts on her back, but about 5 minutes later she flips over. And after about a week of fighting her I finally realized that she can flip from back to front and front to back. She has enough strength in her neck to move if she needs to. Well when she's on her stomach she scoots forward and side to side, she hasn't mastered the art of scooting backwards. So she will scoot her way all the way to the top of the crib and get stuck there. And eventually bonks her head on the slates of the crib. Thus waking her up, screaming. And then I wake up. She has never had a problem sleeping through the night. So this is a new experience for me. I hope we can work through it, and quickly :)
* She has finally found her toes, and they are regularly in her hand, when she isn't on her tummy.
It is so much fun to have her around. I love watching her grow and turn into an awesome person. She is still a Daddy's girl, and doesn't want much to do with me when Tyler is home. But that's ok, she needs time with her Daddy too. I can't wait to see what the next 6 months hold!
Saturday, August 4, 2012
COOKIES!
I DID IT!! I finally managed to make a batch of cookies, that turned out they way they were supposed too. I love to bake, and I'd like to think I'm actually pretty good at it. But cookies are the one thing that I've never been able to do. They always turn out pancake thin and greasy. But I found a recipe for high altitude chocolate chip cookies. And when I pulled my first batch out of the oven they were PERFECT!! And they tasted pretty darn good too!
So now I can rest easy, my children will not grow up with out knowing the taste of homemade cookies :)
So now I can rest easy, my children will not grow up with out knowing the taste of homemade cookies :)
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
5 months, is a big deal!
So I'm a little behind with the whole monthly updates on my kid thing, so far behind in fact, it's NEVER happened. To be honest, there hasn't been a whole lot to report on. She was 2 months premature, and so like my BFF said once "it's like having a newborn for 4 months" oh how right she was/is! Madison is just now becoming more and more entertaining. I mean she has always had her own little personality, since day one. But now, oh NOW we see some good stuff.
*She is still sleeping through the night! She got that one down after about 3 weeks home! (I'm spoiled I know, but hey a schedule is one good thing to come from the 5 weeks in the NICU ok?)
*She is starting to roll over, in fact just today she was so mad because she couldn't get all the way over from her back to her tummy. She threw a royal fit. I thought about helping her, but how's she ever gonna learn if Momma helps her every time. She eventually got onto her side, and promptly gave up and fell asleep.
*She can turn around in a circle on her back. Slowly inching her way around, with her head in the same spot. It's quite funny to lay her down on the floor, and watch her become more mobile.
*She loves to be bounced on the bed. Tyler found this out by accident one day (at Lagoon in my Dads' trailer) she was being a fussy butt, so Tyler gently bounced the bed around her. She LOVED it! She will smile with her whole face, till it looks like it must hurt.
* Her nicknames are as follows: Mads, Stinker butt, Pretty Girl, Little Lady, and Monkey. Monkey is a pretty popular one. Because she was so early, she was covered in peach fuzz like hair, and her Aunt Sherri lovingly started calling her Monkey, and it stuck.
*She loves to chew on anything cloth. If she can get her hands on it, it's in her mouth. If she can get a hold of her clothes, they will be drenched in slobber.
*She is discovering her slobber now too. Oh what fun it is! She will suck her bottom lip in, then push it out along with copious amounts of slobber. And repeat again and again.
*She is still in her bassinet, although we have taken out the lounger thingy, it was to high and she would be curled up in the bottom by morning. She spends time in the crib during the day, but still isn't a fan of sleeping in it.
*She has laughed a couple of times, I have only heard it a couple of times, but her Daddy can make her do it all the time.
*She is a totally Daddies girl. She loves to just hang out with Tyler. When she's with him, she must be held, sat next to him. And in general just be near him. It's cute.
It's so fun to watch my little girl grow up. She is now a hefty 10 lbs 13 oz, 23 inch long. All I wanted when she was in the NICU was for her to grow and get big, now that she is big(er) all I want is for her to stay little.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Long Road. Part 2.
So on February 9, 2011, my mother-in-law took me to the Taylorsville insta-care for my headache. We went in around 9 in the morning. I thought the wait would be short considering they had only been open for about an hour. Well I guess they were waiting for another doctor to start his shift, so they were running a lot slower then normal. They wait ended up being about an hour. When I finally got back to see the doctor he asked me a bunch of standard questions. When did the pain start? How far along are you? Where does it hurt? Ect. They also took my blood pressure, and noticed that it was a little high. So they ordered a urinalysis, to check the amount of protein in my urine. They also drew some blood. After wait about 45 minutes for the test results to come back, I finally had some news. They didn't know why I had such a bad headache. So I got a prescription for the pain, and one for the nausea I was having BECAUSE of the pain. I was prescribed codeine for the pain. I was relieved to be able to take something stronger then just Tylenol.
So Cheryl and I went on our way, and filled the prescriptions, and I went home with high hopes of some pain relief and sleep. But that was not to happen. I took the codeine and all it really did was knock me out for about 2 hours, it didn't take away the pain. So when I woke up from my drug induced sleep I was stuck for another 2 hours before I could take more. That day I called Tyler at work crying, and asked him if he would please come home. I didn't like being home alone, and in so much pain. I needed someone to comfort me. I don't remember much else about that day, just that I was in pain and wanted it to stop. I spent that night in and out of sleep, I also spent a good amount of time crying, and ringing my hangs again.
I called out at work again the next day, and called my doctor to tell her about this headache that was going on for 2 days now. After some convincing Tyler got me to go see a physical therapist. The thought behind that was that I may have tweaked my neck and just needed an adjustment. After that appointment I was actually feeling much better. My headache had started to subsided and life was looking up for me. Now I know WHY the headache started to go away. I was relaxed while I was at the physical therapist office, thus bringing my blood pressure down, which alleviated the pain.
When Tyler got home from work we went out to dinner (Subway) and then we were going to go to Wal-Mart to get a stroller car seat combo that I had seen on sale earlier that week. After dinner my headache was back so we started our trek home. While we were in the car my doctor called me back. I told her about my head and that I was still in pain. So she prescribed some loratab so that I could get some relief. Then told me to come in to her office first thing in the morning to get my blood pressure checked. I said I could stop in on my way to work. I didn't think it would end up being a big deal. Just stop in for 15 minutes, and then off to work I would go. (Oh how wrong I was). I remember that night before I went to bed, I was sitting on the couch, I looked up at Tyler and said,"have you ever had a feeling that something isn't ok? Well I feel like this headache is something more." (oh how right I was).
That night I actually got quite a big of sleep, the loratab worked wonders and Tyler bought some rice packs at Walgreens so the heat and the pills made for a great sleep. When I woke up (2/10), I was still in pain, but it really wasn't as bad as it had been. So I decided it was time to go back to work. I didn't want to use up all of my sick time on a silly headache. I had plans to use it when Madison finally made her appearance. I remember I put on my black pants, and my purple work shirt. I took a rice pack with me, and I was out the door at 8:00. I really wasn't worried while I was driving to the doctors. I had no prior knowledge of pre-eclamcsia and didn't know there was reason to worry.
When I got to the office, I was taken back into a room as soon as I got there. The nurse took my blood pressure, and the called my doctor. It was really high. I can't remember how high it was anymore. The nurse came back and told me that Dr. Onieda told me to go over to Alta View Hospital (where I planned to have Madison) and go to labor and delivery. I was officially worried then. I didn't know what was going on. So I said ok. And as I walked back to my car I called Tyler crying. I told him what happened, and then told him I was going to go get him and then we would go to the hospital together. He asked if I wanted to meet him there, and I said no. I didn't want to go alone. I was too freaked out to drive from Bluffdale, where Tyler works, up to Alta View Hospital. So Tyler drove me, while I sat and worried. Tyler tried to make me feel better, but I was really scared. I had no idea what was about to happen.
When we finally arrived the nurses where waiting for me. They took me back into a room, and gave me a gown. Hooked me up to fetal monitors and a blood pressure machine then we waited. When someone came back, they told us they want us to stay for at least 24 hours, to do a urine collection. There was a high count of protein in my urine so they wanted to get a better look at it. So that was okay. We could handle 24 hours. So I sent Tyler home to gather up an overnight bag. He also went back to his work to get his car. He didn't want to leave it in the parking lot over night. While he was gone, I was told that the doctors wanted to do an ultra sound on the baby that day, to see how she was doing. Tyler was only gone for about and hour and a half. I asked if they could wait for Tyler to get back so that he could go with me. But as I was asking, he walked back into the room. So off we went to get an ultra sound. I now know that it was fetal monitoring. After having one a day while I was in IMC, looking back I can recognize it for what it was. When they were done, the tech said it looked like she was doing pretty good, and sent us on our way.
Once back in the room, my Doctor came to check on me. She told us that I had abnormally high blood pressure, and that she needed to consult with another doctor to form a plan for what to do. Nothing she really said, made me think anything was seriously wrong. I still thought we'd be out by the next afternoon. My head wasn't hurting as bad, and things seemed to be getting better. I'm not sure how long it was but eventually another doctor came in, and told us we needed to transfer to another hospital. At this point thing kind of started to blur together. And happen so quickly.
My dad and step-mom where there, although I can't really remember when they showed up. I know I called my sister and my mom, although I can't really remember when. The doctor started talking about pre-eclamsica and high blood pressure. And that they baby could die, that I could die, or have seizures a stroke. And that the baby would probably be delivered that night. So we had to go to Intermountain Medical Center. They had/have a better facility for premature babies then Alta View does. Everything was kind of a blur. A nurse came in and started an IV for the Magnesium drip, and gave me my first dose of the beta-methasone shot, to help speed up Madisons lung development. Then they told us I had to be transferred via ambulance and someone wanted to put in a catheter. Finally Tyler told everyone to stop. He wanted to talk to MY doctor and figure out what was going on. Everything was happening so quickly. One minute we were in for 24 hour evaluation, and the next he's being told his wife and daughter might die. We weren't really sure what to think. So my doctor called and told him that I really did need to go to IMC. And after going around a few more times, we said we were ready to go. So Tyler packed up our stuff, and a nurse put in a catheter. Then we waited for the ambulance. I tried to be strong, but I was in such a daze, I wasn't really sure what was going on. The ambulance drivers showed up, they were good guys. They made me feel at ease and made me a Tyler laugh a little. So Tyler gave me a kiss good bye and they wheeled me out to the ambulance.
The next time I saw him, I was surrounded by doctors getting vitals and asking questions. I didn't even know what time it was. It was dark, I know that much. But it was the middle of February so it could have been early afternoon.
I can't write anymore right now. All of the memories and emotions are a little intense right now. So in a few days I'll pick it up again. But I need to organize my thoughts. And maybe not write so late at night. Emotions always seem to be closer to the surface at night.
So Cheryl and I went on our way, and filled the prescriptions, and I went home with high hopes of some pain relief and sleep. But that was not to happen. I took the codeine and all it really did was knock me out for about 2 hours, it didn't take away the pain. So when I woke up from my drug induced sleep I was stuck for another 2 hours before I could take more. That day I called Tyler at work crying, and asked him if he would please come home. I didn't like being home alone, and in so much pain. I needed someone to comfort me. I don't remember much else about that day, just that I was in pain and wanted it to stop. I spent that night in and out of sleep, I also spent a good amount of time crying, and ringing my hangs again.
I called out at work again the next day, and called my doctor to tell her about this headache that was going on for 2 days now. After some convincing Tyler got me to go see a physical therapist. The thought behind that was that I may have tweaked my neck and just needed an adjustment. After that appointment I was actually feeling much better. My headache had started to subsided and life was looking up for me. Now I know WHY the headache started to go away. I was relaxed while I was at the physical therapist office, thus bringing my blood pressure down, which alleviated the pain.
When Tyler got home from work we went out to dinner (Subway) and then we were going to go to Wal-Mart to get a stroller car seat combo that I had seen on sale earlier that week. After dinner my headache was back so we started our trek home. While we were in the car my doctor called me back. I told her about my head and that I was still in pain. So she prescribed some loratab so that I could get some relief. Then told me to come in to her office first thing in the morning to get my blood pressure checked. I said I could stop in on my way to work. I didn't think it would end up being a big deal. Just stop in for 15 minutes, and then off to work I would go. (Oh how wrong I was). I remember that night before I went to bed, I was sitting on the couch, I looked up at Tyler and said,"have you ever had a feeling that something isn't ok? Well I feel like this headache is something more." (oh how right I was).
That night I actually got quite a big of sleep, the loratab worked wonders and Tyler bought some rice packs at Walgreens so the heat and the pills made for a great sleep. When I woke up (2/10), I was still in pain, but it really wasn't as bad as it had been. So I decided it was time to go back to work. I didn't want to use up all of my sick time on a silly headache. I had plans to use it when Madison finally made her appearance. I remember I put on my black pants, and my purple work shirt. I took a rice pack with me, and I was out the door at 8:00. I really wasn't worried while I was driving to the doctors. I had no prior knowledge of pre-eclamcsia and didn't know there was reason to worry.
When I got to the office, I was taken back into a room as soon as I got there. The nurse took my blood pressure, and the called my doctor. It was really high. I can't remember how high it was anymore. The nurse came back and told me that Dr. Onieda told me to go over to Alta View Hospital (where I planned to have Madison) and go to labor and delivery. I was officially worried then. I didn't know what was going on. So I said ok. And as I walked back to my car I called Tyler crying. I told him what happened, and then told him I was going to go get him and then we would go to the hospital together. He asked if I wanted to meet him there, and I said no. I didn't want to go alone. I was too freaked out to drive from Bluffdale, where Tyler works, up to Alta View Hospital. So Tyler drove me, while I sat and worried. Tyler tried to make me feel better, but I was really scared. I had no idea what was about to happen.
When we finally arrived the nurses where waiting for me. They took me back into a room, and gave me a gown. Hooked me up to fetal monitors and a blood pressure machine then we waited. When someone came back, they told us they want us to stay for at least 24 hours, to do a urine collection. There was a high count of protein in my urine so they wanted to get a better look at it. So that was okay. We could handle 24 hours. So I sent Tyler home to gather up an overnight bag. He also went back to his work to get his car. He didn't want to leave it in the parking lot over night. While he was gone, I was told that the doctors wanted to do an ultra sound on the baby that day, to see how she was doing. Tyler was only gone for about and hour and a half. I asked if they could wait for Tyler to get back so that he could go with me. But as I was asking, he walked back into the room. So off we went to get an ultra sound. I now know that it was fetal monitoring. After having one a day while I was in IMC, looking back I can recognize it for what it was. When they were done, the tech said it looked like she was doing pretty good, and sent us on our way.
Once back in the room, my Doctor came to check on me. She told us that I had abnormally high blood pressure, and that she needed to consult with another doctor to form a plan for what to do. Nothing she really said, made me think anything was seriously wrong. I still thought we'd be out by the next afternoon. My head wasn't hurting as bad, and things seemed to be getting better. I'm not sure how long it was but eventually another doctor came in, and told us we needed to transfer to another hospital. At this point thing kind of started to blur together. And happen so quickly.
My dad and step-mom where there, although I can't really remember when they showed up. I know I called my sister and my mom, although I can't really remember when. The doctor started talking about pre-eclamsica and high blood pressure. And that they baby could die, that I could die, or have seizures a stroke. And that the baby would probably be delivered that night. So we had to go to Intermountain Medical Center. They had/have a better facility for premature babies then Alta View does. Everything was kind of a blur. A nurse came in and started an IV for the Magnesium drip, and gave me my first dose of the beta-methasone shot, to help speed up Madisons lung development. Then they told us I had to be transferred via ambulance and someone wanted to put in a catheter. Finally Tyler told everyone to stop. He wanted to talk to MY doctor and figure out what was going on. Everything was happening so quickly. One minute we were in for 24 hour evaluation, and the next he's being told his wife and daughter might die. We weren't really sure what to think. So my doctor called and told him that I really did need to go to IMC. And after going around a few more times, we said we were ready to go. So Tyler packed up our stuff, and a nurse put in a catheter. Then we waited for the ambulance. I tried to be strong, but I was in such a daze, I wasn't really sure what was going on. The ambulance drivers showed up, they were good guys. They made me feel at ease and made me a Tyler laugh a little. So Tyler gave me a kiss good bye and they wheeled me out to the ambulance.
The next time I saw him, I was surrounded by doctors getting vitals and asking questions. I didn't even know what time it was. It was dark, I know that much. But it was the middle of February so it could have been early afternoon.
I can't write anymore right now. All of the memories and emotions are a little intense right now. So in a few days I'll pick it up again. But I need to organize my thoughts. And maybe not write so late at night. Emotions always seem to be closer to the surface at night.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
We Blessed My Blessing.
Well it only took almost 5 months, but today we finally did it! We blessed Madison at church today! We've been waiting to do it. At first it was because she was just too small. We were told to wait about 3 months to have her around a lot of people. We waited about 4 months. Originally we wanted to do the blessing outside of church. I thought doing it at a park or stake center with a pavilion would have been fun. Do it in the morning and have a BBQ afterward. But the weekend we wanted to do it wasn't good for my family to get up here from St. George. And then our bishop suggested we do it at home, and on a Sunday, not Saturday. I was a little bummed at first. I had this idea in my head about how I wanted to do this, and we wasn't going as planned. But eventually Tyler and I decided we could do it on a Sunday, but we would still do it at home. Then we found out we would have to wait until after 2 in the afternoon, if we wanted to bless her at home. Know that, we decided to bless her in church.
Now I love the ward we are in. I don't know a whole lot of people, but everyone is very nice to us. I just have one issue, and it's really my problem not anyone else. They ladies in the ward seem to play musical babies. All the babies seem to be in someone elses' arms by the end of church, and often on the other side of the room. It always made me a little nervous. I just don't like the idea of everyone holding my child. So I was afraid that if we did the blessing at church people would want to hold her. And I mean who wouldn't? She's so cute. But I'm just not quite ready to expose her to a whole lot of germs. So it was a little hard for me to consent to doing the blessing at church. But today went really well. We were surrounded by family, and the only people that approached us from the ward, were the few people that I actually talk to on a regular basis. And we were able to make a quick exit to discourage too many people from stopping us.
This morning I was running around like a crazy person. I got most of the prep work done last night. Setting the chairs out, and organizing things how I wanted them. But this morning I had to cut up some huge Costco muffins into quarters so that people could have a couple different flavors. Then I decided to make a couple of frattas. And then I realized I didn't have ice, or cups for the drinks. So I made a mad dash over to Reams. On top of this I had to get ready, and get Madison ready. Madison was a good little girl this morning. She slept until 8. Tyler had to wake her up so feed her. When Madison is woken up she tends to be in a better mood. I think it's because we have a bottle ready, and she doesn't have to scream while we get her food ready :) Tyler had her feed and burped by the time I got home from Reams. When I got home I took her from Tyler, snuggled a little and then got her dressed.
I LOVE her little dress. We got it at the Church Distribution Center after searching for a couple of weeks. She looked so pretty in it. She seemed to like it too, so much she tried to eat it while I was getting her dressed. She looked so sweet and innocent (which she is of course).
Just before it was time to go, I told Tyler to rearrange our cars so that his car would be in the driveway, we needed a little more parking space on the street. Well he came back in and told me we had to take his car because mine had a flat :( So instead of putting the car seat base in his car we opted to just walk. Our church is a half a block away and for the first time ever we were actually ready in time to walk. It was a nice cool morning, just made for walking. Madison was wide awake and really seemed to enjoy the walk.
When we got to the church we were greeted by my Grandparents from Cedar City, and my Uncle Brett. All from my Moms side. I was happy to see them. We were only about 10 minutes early, which was plenty. Tyler did a great job with the blessing, and Madison was a good girl, not making a peep. She even opened her eyes when Tyler held her up. She woke up during the meeting, and started to cry for some food. But other then that she was a little angle. My grandma held her for about 20 minutes and rocked her to sleep. Grandmas can do that you know?
I am so glad she didn't poop while she was in her dress. I hear stories (my niece did it) of babies having blow outs in their pretty white clothes. But not my baby!
I really think she enjoyed this day. I know I did.
If you would like to see pictures, check out my Facebook page. I don't know how to post pictures on here yet :D
Now I love the ward we are in. I don't know a whole lot of people, but everyone is very nice to us. I just have one issue, and it's really my problem not anyone else. They ladies in the ward seem to play musical babies. All the babies seem to be in someone elses' arms by the end of church, and often on the other side of the room. It always made me a little nervous. I just don't like the idea of everyone holding my child. So I was afraid that if we did the blessing at church people would want to hold her. And I mean who wouldn't? She's so cute. But I'm just not quite ready to expose her to a whole lot of germs. So it was a little hard for me to consent to doing the blessing at church. But today went really well. We were surrounded by family, and the only people that approached us from the ward, were the few people that I actually talk to on a regular basis. And we were able to make a quick exit to discourage too many people from stopping us.
This morning I was running around like a crazy person. I got most of the prep work done last night. Setting the chairs out, and organizing things how I wanted them. But this morning I had to cut up some huge Costco muffins into quarters so that people could have a couple different flavors. Then I decided to make a couple of frattas. And then I realized I didn't have ice, or cups for the drinks. So I made a mad dash over to Reams. On top of this I had to get ready, and get Madison ready. Madison was a good little girl this morning. She slept until 8. Tyler had to wake her up so feed her. When Madison is woken up she tends to be in a better mood. I think it's because we have a bottle ready, and she doesn't have to scream while we get her food ready :) Tyler had her feed and burped by the time I got home from Reams. When I got home I took her from Tyler, snuggled a little and then got her dressed.
I LOVE her little dress. We got it at the Church Distribution Center after searching for a couple of weeks. She looked so pretty in it. She seemed to like it too, so much she tried to eat it while I was getting her dressed. She looked so sweet and innocent (which she is of course).
Just before it was time to go, I told Tyler to rearrange our cars so that his car would be in the driveway, we needed a little more parking space on the street. Well he came back in and told me we had to take his car because mine had a flat :( So instead of putting the car seat base in his car we opted to just walk. Our church is a half a block away and for the first time ever we were actually ready in time to walk. It was a nice cool morning, just made for walking. Madison was wide awake and really seemed to enjoy the walk.
When we got to the church we were greeted by my Grandparents from Cedar City, and my Uncle Brett. All from my Moms side. I was happy to see them. We were only about 10 minutes early, which was plenty. Tyler did a great job with the blessing, and Madison was a good girl, not making a peep. She even opened her eyes when Tyler held her up. She woke up during the meeting, and started to cry for some food. But other then that she was a little angle. My grandma held her for about 20 minutes and rocked her to sleep. Grandmas can do that you know?
I am so glad she didn't poop while she was in her dress. I hear stories (my niece did it) of babies having blow outs in their pretty white clothes. But not my baby!
I really think she enjoyed this day. I know I did.
If you would like to see pictures, check out my Facebook page. I don't know how to post pictures on here yet :D
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Long Road. Part One.
So, I'm sitting here, looking at my beautiful daughter I decided to write down the beginning of our adventure. I have never written in down in it's entierty. I have posted bits and pieces as I was feeling like sharing. But this post, is for me. So that I will remember the details. I'm not expecting anyone to read this. If you do, know that this was the hardest road I've ever had to travel down, but it lead me to one of the best things in my life. The wonderful, and beautiful Madison Ann.
Tyler and I found out we were expecting in August of 2011. It was a surprise of course. We weren't TRYING to get pregnant but we weren't preventing it either. We just figured we'd let it happen if it was meant to. And one night I took a test, and there is was 2 lines. It's amazing how 2 little lines can change your life forever.
The next 6 months we pretty uneventful. I had a pretty easy pregnancy, I thought. A little bit of morning sickness, nothing too bad. I only threw up at work once, and only a handful of times at home. I had a major food aversion to eggs. Oh man the smell made me ill. I remember one morning, Sherri, Tyler and I all went to Kneaders for breakfast. Sherri and I both got the french toast, but Tyler...oh Tyler, got a breakfast sandwhich with a greasy over hard egg on it. *gags* It smelt so bad to my pregnant nose. He got his food before I got mine, and I sat there with a napkin over my nose until my french toast arrived. And when it finally arrived I practically ate with my nose in the food, just to keep the egg smell out. As for cravings I only had a few. Grape soda was a major one. And grilled cheese sandwiches. I swear Tyler made me a grilled cheese almost every night. Oh and potatoes, which was a strange one. I used to HATE potatoes, but during my pregnancy and ever since, I really like them.
I remember hearing stories from my friends that were pregnant when I was. And most of them were like horror stores. Horrible nausea, throwing up everything, all the worst symptoms of pregnancy all rolled into one. I would offer my condolences, while sighing on the inside that my pregnancy was going so smoothly. I only gained 14 pounds and was feeling pretty great. And then I started getting headaches.
I did some research and found out that headaches during the second trimester are pretty common. It's all the extra hormones floating around. The bad thing is that you can't take ibuprofen while preggers, only Tylenol. And Tylenol made me sick. So I would have to suffer through the pain. But I never really thought much about it. My appointments were going ok, and my blood pressure was like "a teenager" so the nurse always said. Not that I would have even put headaches and blood pressure together as meaning anything at that point.
So in February I was 7 months along, celebrating my 28th birthday. It was time for a trip to St. George to enjoy being Shelli and Tyler for one last weekend before we became "mom and dad." It was a fun trip. We stayed at a nice hotel, went out to eat for my birthday, did some shopping, lounged beside the pool. And enjoyed the 70 degree weather at the beginning of February. My legs were swollen, they were so fat that my skin hurt to touch, because the skin was pulled so tight. And my feet were what I called my "Chris Farley" feet. All fat and pudgy. I honestly thought they were so swollen because of the drive down. From being in the same position for 3 hours. At one point we stopped in at my brothers house. He mentioned my legs and asked if everything was ok. I thought it was and told him I had a doctors appointment on Tuesday when we got back to SLC. Again, I didn't really think anything was wrong. My brother didn't say anything else to me. He did however mention it to my dad, that my legs were pretty bad. But I didn't know that until after everything was done.
We went down to St. George on Feburary 3rd (my birthday), we got back into town on February 6th, and I went to work on Monday morning (the 7th). I was not an exciting day I just went to work, I'm sure I laughed and told everyone about sitting by the pool in February. Tuesday is when all the "fun" began.
I had my regular doctors appointment that day. I always went in on Tuesdays, that was my day off. I had to go in at 8 that morning for the extended glucose test. My first test came back abnormal so lucky me I had to sit in the doctors office for 4 hours BEFORE my regular schedualed appointment. I spent that 4 hours reading a book (a crappy one) and getting my blood drawn. When it was time for my appointment, the took my blood pressure, and told me it was a little high. Then the nurse said it was probably because of the sugar from the glucose test. Ok, well that's not a big deal. Once I come down off the sugar high things will be alright. Then the doctor came it. She was frazzeled and had a stack of patient files. And told me how she had been sick all weekend. I laughed and joked with her about the hectic life. She listened to the babies heartbeat and asked how I was doing. I then showed her my legs and asked what I could do to keep the swelling down, and if it was somthing to worry about. She said that there wasn't anything to worry about, and to just put my feet up when I get home from work. Well that was going to be easy. Anything to get out of housework right :)
So after my appointment I came home and spent the rest of my day off watching TV and reading that crappy book. It took me the rest of the day to finish reading the book. I actually finished it at 10:30 that night. Don't ask me why I remember that, but I do. I think it was because my neck has started to hurt and I looked up at the clock and realized it was time for bed, and I hoped that sleep would take care of the neck pain. Before we went to bed, I mentioned to Tyler that my neck was bothering me. We both decided it was probably due to reading too much, and having my neck bent weird all day. So off to sleep we went. And 4 hours later I woke up with the worst headache I've ever had in my life. I haven't cried because of a headache since I was a kid. But this headache woke me up, and made me cry. I took some Tylenol, because I couldn't handle it. The Tylenol, made be throw up about an hour later. I spent the rest of the morning ringing my hands, and rubbing my head, trying to forget about the pain. I told Tyler about it a couple of times during the night, but he really didn't know what to do. So he would hold me and then promtly fall back to sleep while I was silently freaking out. I managed to make it through the night. I think I only got a couple of hours of sleep that night.
At the time I worked the closing shift on Wednesdays. I called Tyler after he had already made it to work, and asked him what he thought about me calling in sick that day. He said that if I felt like I had to, that I should do it. And that was all I needed. I called one of my co-workers to see if she could take my closing shift. Thankfully she said that it wouldn't be a problem. And I tried to get some more sleep. With little success. About an hour later I called Tyler in tears, and asked if he thought his mom would take me to the insta-care. He said she probably would. So I called his mom and she came to pick me up. My head still hurt but I was glad to be going to see the doctor to make sure everything was ok. It would be another 2 days before anyone figured out that anything was wrong.
I could keep writing, but this is going to be a long story. So I think I will break it up a little bit. For a couple of reasons. One, it will give me a chance to process everything and organize my thoughts. And two, to make it easier to read, on the off chance anyone actually decides to read it. :)
Tyler and I found out we were expecting in August of 2011. It was a surprise of course. We weren't TRYING to get pregnant but we weren't preventing it either. We just figured we'd let it happen if it was meant to. And one night I took a test, and there is was 2 lines. It's amazing how 2 little lines can change your life forever.
The next 6 months we pretty uneventful. I had a pretty easy pregnancy, I thought. A little bit of morning sickness, nothing too bad. I only threw up at work once, and only a handful of times at home. I had a major food aversion to eggs. Oh man the smell made me ill. I remember one morning, Sherri, Tyler and I all went to Kneaders for breakfast. Sherri and I both got the french toast, but Tyler...oh Tyler, got a breakfast sandwhich with a greasy over hard egg on it. *gags* It smelt so bad to my pregnant nose. He got his food before I got mine, and I sat there with a napkin over my nose until my french toast arrived. And when it finally arrived I practically ate with my nose in the food, just to keep the egg smell out. As for cravings I only had a few. Grape soda was a major one. And grilled cheese sandwiches. I swear Tyler made me a grilled cheese almost every night. Oh and potatoes, which was a strange one. I used to HATE potatoes, but during my pregnancy and ever since, I really like them.
I remember hearing stories from my friends that were pregnant when I was. And most of them were like horror stores. Horrible nausea, throwing up everything, all the worst symptoms of pregnancy all rolled into one. I would offer my condolences, while sighing on the inside that my pregnancy was going so smoothly. I only gained 14 pounds and was feeling pretty great. And then I started getting headaches.
I did some research and found out that headaches during the second trimester are pretty common. It's all the extra hormones floating around. The bad thing is that you can't take ibuprofen while preggers, only Tylenol. And Tylenol made me sick. So I would have to suffer through the pain. But I never really thought much about it. My appointments were going ok, and my blood pressure was like "a teenager" so the nurse always said. Not that I would have even put headaches and blood pressure together as meaning anything at that point.
So in February I was 7 months along, celebrating my 28th birthday. It was time for a trip to St. George to enjoy being Shelli and Tyler for one last weekend before we became "mom and dad." It was a fun trip. We stayed at a nice hotel, went out to eat for my birthday, did some shopping, lounged beside the pool. And enjoyed the 70 degree weather at the beginning of February. My legs were swollen, they were so fat that my skin hurt to touch, because the skin was pulled so tight. And my feet were what I called my "Chris Farley" feet. All fat and pudgy. I honestly thought they were so swollen because of the drive down. From being in the same position for 3 hours. At one point we stopped in at my brothers house. He mentioned my legs and asked if everything was ok. I thought it was and told him I had a doctors appointment on Tuesday when we got back to SLC. Again, I didn't really think anything was wrong. My brother didn't say anything else to me. He did however mention it to my dad, that my legs were pretty bad. But I didn't know that until after everything was done.
We went down to St. George on Feburary 3rd (my birthday), we got back into town on February 6th, and I went to work on Monday morning (the 7th). I was not an exciting day I just went to work, I'm sure I laughed and told everyone about sitting by the pool in February. Tuesday is when all the "fun" began.
I had my regular doctors appointment that day. I always went in on Tuesdays, that was my day off. I had to go in at 8 that morning for the extended glucose test. My first test came back abnormal so lucky me I had to sit in the doctors office for 4 hours BEFORE my regular schedualed appointment. I spent that 4 hours reading a book (a crappy one) and getting my blood drawn. When it was time for my appointment, the took my blood pressure, and told me it was a little high. Then the nurse said it was probably because of the sugar from the glucose test. Ok, well that's not a big deal. Once I come down off the sugar high things will be alright. Then the doctor came it. She was frazzeled and had a stack of patient files. And told me how she had been sick all weekend. I laughed and joked with her about the hectic life. She listened to the babies heartbeat and asked how I was doing. I then showed her my legs and asked what I could do to keep the swelling down, and if it was somthing to worry about. She said that there wasn't anything to worry about, and to just put my feet up when I get home from work. Well that was going to be easy. Anything to get out of housework right :)
So after my appointment I came home and spent the rest of my day off watching TV and reading that crappy book. It took me the rest of the day to finish reading the book. I actually finished it at 10:30 that night. Don't ask me why I remember that, but I do. I think it was because my neck has started to hurt and I looked up at the clock and realized it was time for bed, and I hoped that sleep would take care of the neck pain. Before we went to bed, I mentioned to Tyler that my neck was bothering me. We both decided it was probably due to reading too much, and having my neck bent weird all day. So off to sleep we went. And 4 hours later I woke up with the worst headache I've ever had in my life. I haven't cried because of a headache since I was a kid. But this headache woke me up, and made me cry. I took some Tylenol, because I couldn't handle it. The Tylenol, made be throw up about an hour later. I spent the rest of the morning ringing my hands, and rubbing my head, trying to forget about the pain. I told Tyler about it a couple of times during the night, but he really didn't know what to do. So he would hold me and then promtly fall back to sleep while I was silently freaking out. I managed to make it through the night. I think I only got a couple of hours of sleep that night.
At the time I worked the closing shift on Wednesdays. I called Tyler after he had already made it to work, and asked him what he thought about me calling in sick that day. He said that if I felt like I had to, that I should do it. And that was all I needed. I called one of my co-workers to see if she could take my closing shift. Thankfully she said that it wouldn't be a problem. And I tried to get some more sleep. With little success. About an hour later I called Tyler in tears, and asked if he thought his mom would take me to the insta-care. He said she probably would. So I called his mom and she came to pick me up. My head still hurt but I was glad to be going to see the doctor to make sure everything was ok. It would be another 2 days before anyone figured out that anything was wrong.
I could keep writing, but this is going to be a long story. So I think I will break it up a little bit. For a couple of reasons. One, it will give me a chance to process everything and organize my thoughts. And two, to make it easier to read, on the off chance anyone actually decides to read it. :)
Friday, May 18, 2012
The Cover is Down For a Reason
This post is going to be a bit of a vent. So just be forewarned. I rarely take Madison out into the general public. She is little still, and I don't want to expose her to a lot of germs yet. She is getting bigger, but her immune system still isn't where it should be. We were told when we left the hospital to give it about 3 months. Well we've got almost 2 under our belts. And lets be honest I'm a new mom, so I still worry about the little things, because I don't know any better yet. So on top of being a new mom, I'm a new mom with a baby that was born 10 weeks early.
So on the rare occasion I DO take her out of the house, I keep her car seat covered up. I don't need anyone breathing on her, poking at her or stroking her. Yes my baby is adorable, and fun to look at, but I don't need your germs near her. So my general thought process is as follows: if she's covered, then it's for a reason, and that should be enough to keep people from being too curious. Am I wrong in thinking that?? Apparently so!
*sigh* I took Madison to the doctor this morning. It was time for her second round of the RSV shot. I HATE going to the doctor. I'm paranoid enough about germs, so going to a place that is crawling with them, makes me squeamish. But I keep her covered until the doctor looks at her. And I've never had any problems with people wanting to take a peak....until today.
I was at the counter trying to make her next appointment. The receptionists always get confused. She isn't on a normal well child visit schedule. Because she was preemie, she's about 2 months behind. So they always get confused as to why the doctor wants to see her. So I usually end up getting frustrated and tell them that they doctor just wants to see her! Please just make me an appointment, who cares what it's for. In addition to being frustrated with the front desk people, I had a crying baby. I mean I'd be crying if some gave me shot with no warning, and not being able to vocalize my frustrations. Well, her cry is pretty loud to me, but to most people (including the woman standing next to me) she probably still sounds like a newborn. And apparently that makes her cries cute? I don't think so. But this woman next me thought so. She looked at me and asked if I had a new baby in the car seat. Uhhh, nope, just a doll that cries, because crying babies is fun! I kept that to myself though. I politely said yes, I did. And she walks around me and starts to bend down towards the car seat and ask if she can look. And I was really surprised at just how forceful I was in my answer. I said NO, she's a preemie baby and I don't want you to look at her. Then this women, who I DON'T know from Eve, who was there with two kids at the doctor for who knows what reason. Gets offended that I told her no. Gave me a crusty look and walked away. OK, for one it's MY baby, and if I don't want weird people looking at her that's MY decision, and you don't need to get offended!. Two, we were at the DOCTOR, you are there for a REASON. I don't know what that reason is. For all I know one of your kids is sick, so I don't need your foreign germs on or around my child. And third, the car seat cover was DOWN! I had her covered for a reason. If I wanted the whole world to see her, I would leave it UP.
Am I the only Mom that get bothered by this? It's kind of like when other people touch your belly when you're pregnant. It's a matter of personal boundaries. You just don't touch someone else unless your invited too. And while we're on the topic. WHY oh WHY is it acceptable to touch a pregnant woman's belly? What social rule, ever made that okay? I just don't get it. I don't go up to random people and touch them. But I am all about personal space. I even hate it when people get to close to me when I'm in line for anything.
So that is made rant for the day. Other then weird lady wanting to look at Madison the visit went pretty well. She is growing like a weed. She is almost 3 months old (May 24th) and is now up to 7 lbs 13 oz, and 20 inches long. She is still below the curve, but her doctor assures me that in the next month or two she will be at the bottom of the curve for her age. He even said twice, how amazed he was with her growth. And that he wished he saw more preemie babies doing as well as she is.
It makes me feel so blessed when we find out just how good Madison is doing. She had such a rough start in her life, things could have just as easily gone the other way. But the Lord decided that she was going to thrive. For that Tyler and I are eternally grateful for that.
By the way, Madisons' pediatrician is AMAZING! His name is Dr. Peter Lindgren. He is so good with her. Every time we go, he tells be how beautiful she is, and he looks at her as if he was looking at one of his own kids. And is very easy to talk to. He listens to all of my concerns, and doesn't make me feel like any of my worries are trivial.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
I'm sitting on my couch this Sunday morning, I should be cleaning up, and giving Miss Madison a bath, but instead I decided to write a blog. It's Sunday morning, my husband and baby are still sleeping, and I have a moment of quite, so I'm not going to feel bad about writing. Beside I have some stuff to get off my chest.
I went back to the NICU on Friday. I was already at the hospital filling out some paperwork for Madison's bills, so I went back to see one of our nurses. It was an interesting experience. Madison has been out of the NICU for exactly one month today. So when I decided to go back, I didn't think it would affect me. Oh I was wrong.
When we were getting ready to leave the NICU one of our nurses told us that if we ever came back it may cause some anxiety, some panic. Well our experience in the NICU was a rather smooth one comparatively, so I thought going back to visit would be a breeze. Like going back to your old high school. A strange sensation, but not a bad one. And that was not the case.
I had Madison in her stroller all bundled and blocked from germs. I thought about typing in my old code to get behind the doors into the labor and delivery/NICU wing of the hospital. But if didn't work I would have been embarrassed. So I went to the front desk and told them I was here to see an employee, they put a sticker on my stroller that basically says, this is my baby, and I'm not stealing one. Then I walked through the doors. Took a right hand turn, and saw the long hallway.
I walked down this long hallway so many times in 5 weeks. In the beginning it was a dreaded walk. I never knew what would be happening behind the doors that lead into the NICU. The first few days were the worst. She was so small, and had IV's and didn't move much. I'm not sure that I'll ever be able to forget how I felt seeing her the first time. The sense of failure on my part. My body couldn't keep her safe like it was supposed to. And she was so little and fragile, how would I ever be able to take her home? And even as she started to get better the walk down that hallway never got easier. And even the last time we walked down that hallway was hard. We knew just how close we were to going home. What if something had happened while we were away that changed everything. That hallway is where you're biggest fears came to a head, when you can't get OUT of your head. You imagine the worst and pray for the best. A lot of emotion came out in that hallway.
I took my first step toward the NICU and down the hallway. I had my baby with me in her stroller, I could see her through the little window. I KNEW she was okay and WITH me. So why did all of the emotions come flooding back? I almost started crying. Everything that we went through in 5 short weeks, came flying at me in the few minutes it took to walk to the doors. The uncertainty, the anger, the nerves, the joy. All at once it was on the surface. The nurse was right. I was having a hard time with this.
When I got to the doors, I push the button I had pushed so many times, I took a deep breath and waited for my old nurse and friend to come to the door. When she got there I got a bear hug, and then she took Madison out of my hands, and loved her and gushed over her. It was a good visit. I got to show off my baby, like a new mom should. And it was a good way to close that chapter of our lives.
I plan on going back, there are a few other nurses I would like to see. And maybe someday I will volunteer there, to help other families. (but that is a long ways away). But seeing an old friend and being in the hallway and laughing, I couldn't have asked for a better ending.
I went back to the NICU on Friday. I was already at the hospital filling out some paperwork for Madison's bills, so I went back to see one of our nurses. It was an interesting experience. Madison has been out of the NICU for exactly one month today. So when I decided to go back, I didn't think it would affect me. Oh I was wrong.
When we were getting ready to leave the NICU one of our nurses told us that if we ever came back it may cause some anxiety, some panic. Well our experience in the NICU was a rather smooth one comparatively, so I thought going back to visit would be a breeze. Like going back to your old high school. A strange sensation, but not a bad one. And that was not the case.
I had Madison in her stroller all bundled and blocked from germs. I thought about typing in my old code to get behind the doors into the labor and delivery/NICU wing of the hospital. But if didn't work I would have been embarrassed. So I went to the front desk and told them I was here to see an employee, they put a sticker on my stroller that basically says, this is my baby, and I'm not stealing one. Then I walked through the doors. Took a right hand turn, and saw the long hallway.
I walked down this long hallway so many times in 5 weeks. In the beginning it was a dreaded walk. I never knew what would be happening behind the doors that lead into the NICU. The first few days were the worst. She was so small, and had IV's and didn't move much. I'm not sure that I'll ever be able to forget how I felt seeing her the first time. The sense of failure on my part. My body couldn't keep her safe like it was supposed to. And she was so little and fragile, how would I ever be able to take her home? And even as she started to get better the walk down that hallway never got easier. And even the last time we walked down that hallway was hard. We knew just how close we were to going home. What if something had happened while we were away that changed everything. That hallway is where you're biggest fears came to a head, when you can't get OUT of your head. You imagine the worst and pray for the best. A lot of emotion came out in that hallway.
I took my first step toward the NICU and down the hallway. I had my baby with me in her stroller, I could see her through the little window. I KNEW she was okay and WITH me. So why did all of the emotions come flooding back? I almost started crying. Everything that we went through in 5 short weeks, came flying at me in the few minutes it took to walk to the doors. The uncertainty, the anger, the nerves, the joy. All at once it was on the surface. The nurse was right. I was having a hard time with this.
When I got to the doors, I push the button I had pushed so many times, I took a deep breath and waited for my old nurse and friend to come to the door. When she got there I got a bear hug, and then she took Madison out of my hands, and loved her and gushed over her. It was a good visit. I got to show off my baby, like a new mom should. And it was a good way to close that chapter of our lives.
I plan on going back, there are a few other nurses I would like to see. And maybe someday I will volunteer there, to help other families. (but that is a long ways away). But seeing an old friend and being in the hallway and laughing, I couldn't have asked for a better ending.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Boring, Just How It Should Be.
Well, it's been about 2 1/2 weeks since Madison has been home. I can't believe it! It's been such a whirlwind of emotions, doctor appointments, and feedings. We have gotten into a nice little routine. I must say that is a definite perk of time spent in the NICU. She is so used to being on a schedule, that she didn't really blink an eye when we got home, and kept up the same (or close to) schedule. It's an ever four hours dealio.
Our day starts between 6:00-7:00 am. I get up for the first feeding of the day. I have to say it's the best one of the day. I usually have to wake HER up. When I pick her up and bring her to my shoulder she snuggles right in. Just like I remember doing when my mom would pick me up when I was sleeping. After eating we usually snuggle on the couch, just to make sure she goes back to sleep, then Mommy and Madison go back to bed for a few hours. Around 9:30 I we get up and we both get some breakfast, and start the day. Madison usually hangs out in her bassinet or bouncy thing, while mom cleans the house. And every 4 hours she eats, and I pump. Then the most exciting part of both our days, Daddy comes home around 5:30. Tyler then takes over taking care of her for most of the night. We get in one last feeding around 1030 or 11:00, and off to bed this little family goes. Madison USUALLY only gets up once a night around 2:00 or 2:30. Of course it can take a couple hours to get her back to sleep, but all in all not a bad set up we have.
Now I know that you aren't reading to learn about our daily routine, but I have to say I'm pretty please with it. And if you have to be in the NICU for 5 weeks, at least you get the perk of having a baby with a schedule when you get to go home.
I have fallen into a stay at home Mom routine. I love being with my little girl. But I gotta tell ya, right now it gets a little boring, and a little lonely. I know it won't always be this way. I won't always be tied to the house because her immune system is so weak, and she's on oxygen. I will be sitting here thinking about things I want or need to, and I think about going out, but then I realize I can't. And it makes me a little depressed. It sucks to stay cooped up in the house all day. When the sun is shining it's not so bad, I can go sit outside, and play in the dirt. But today, today was rainy. So I cleaned my whole house. I have a schedule for cleaning, a different room everyday. So now what do I do? My whole house is clean already. I don't quite know what to do with all my time yet. When she gets bigger I'm sure my time will be spent keeping her out of things, and entertained.
OH but I forgot! I WILL have something to do soon! I signed up to take a self-paced class, to prepare me to take the state licensing exam to become a hearing aid specialist. Its something I've been thinking about doing for a while now, but I just never had the time. Tyler and I talked about it the other day, and since I'm not going back to work until May 20th and even then it will be part time, this is the best time to do it. Right now I'm just waiting for my books to get here.
Sorry for this post, it was kind of boring, but that's me now! And I love it. No more hospitals, no more NICU, no more doctors, or nurses. Just me, Tyler and Madison. The way it should be!
Our day starts between 6:00-7:00 am. I get up for the first feeding of the day. I have to say it's the best one of the day. I usually have to wake HER up. When I pick her up and bring her to my shoulder she snuggles right in. Just like I remember doing when my mom would pick me up when I was sleeping. After eating we usually snuggle on the couch, just to make sure she goes back to sleep, then Mommy and Madison go back to bed for a few hours. Around 9:30 I we get up and we both get some breakfast, and start the day. Madison usually hangs out in her bassinet or bouncy thing, while mom cleans the house. And every 4 hours she eats, and I pump. Then the most exciting part of both our days, Daddy comes home around 5:30. Tyler then takes over taking care of her for most of the night. We get in one last feeding around 1030 or 11:00, and off to bed this little family goes. Madison USUALLY only gets up once a night around 2:00 or 2:30. Of course it can take a couple hours to get her back to sleep, but all in all not a bad set up we have.
Now I know that you aren't reading to learn about our daily routine, but I have to say I'm pretty please with it. And if you have to be in the NICU for 5 weeks, at least you get the perk of having a baby with a schedule when you get to go home.
I have fallen into a stay at home Mom routine. I love being with my little girl. But I gotta tell ya, right now it gets a little boring, and a little lonely. I know it won't always be this way. I won't always be tied to the house because her immune system is so weak, and she's on oxygen. I will be sitting here thinking about things I want or need to, and I think about going out, but then I realize I can't. And it makes me a little depressed. It sucks to stay cooped up in the house all day. When the sun is shining it's not so bad, I can go sit outside, and play in the dirt. But today, today was rainy. So I cleaned my whole house. I have a schedule for cleaning, a different room everyday. So now what do I do? My whole house is clean already. I don't quite know what to do with all my time yet. When she gets bigger I'm sure my time will be spent keeping her out of things, and entertained.
OH but I forgot! I WILL have something to do soon! I signed up to take a self-paced class, to prepare me to take the state licensing exam to become a hearing aid specialist. Its something I've been thinking about doing for a while now, but I just never had the time. Tyler and I talked about it the other day, and since I'm not going back to work until May 20th and even then it will be part time, this is the best time to do it. Right now I'm just waiting for my books to get here.
Sorry for this post, it was kind of boring, but that's me now! And I love it. No more hospitals, no more NICU, no more doctors, or nurses. Just me, Tyler and Madison. The way it should be!
Friday, April 13, 2012
On to the Next adventure.....HOME!
Well, we made it. WE MADE IT HOME! On March 29th, we got the all clear from the doctors to bring my beautiful baby home. On Wednesday night Tyler and I spent the night with Madison in the hospital. They have rooms that you can stay in right before you go home, so that you can have a night with your kid, and their medical equipment. The theory behind it, is that once you get home, you know how to deal with any problems that may arise. That was a really long night. Madison is still on a small amount of oxygen so she has to be on a blood oxygen monitor to make sure she doesn't drop down too low. Well this machine is super annoying. Every time she moved her little foot, it went off. And then there were the feedings. Getting up every 4 hours for feedings was a completely forgein concept to me. I hadn't had to do it before. Needless to say Thrusday dawned very early and with a very tired mom and dad. It was still exciting because we'd never spent the night with our little girl.
We went back to NICU after catching a few ZZZ's after the nurse took her before morning rounds. The first thing out of my mouth as the day shift nurse came in (not one of our primary's unfortunatly) was "are we going home?" she informed me that we wouldn't find out until after rounds. My balloon instantly deflated. After spending over a month in the NICU I knew that rounds could happen as early as 10:00 am or as late as 1:00 pm. So Tyler and I settled into her room as Madison worked on her car seat test, and waited.
Lucky for me, rounds started at 11:00 on this day. So now we just had to wait our turn. The good thing about being in 'A' pod, most of the babies were/are whats called "feeder/growers" which for the most part, doesn't come with a whole lot of updates from the doctor. Of course on this day there were 2 critical babies in our pod, with a lot to talk about. I could see the gathering of Doctors and parents from our window/doors. I felt a little selfish, I just wanted all the other meetings to hurry up, so that we could have ours. I was a little anxious. After what seemed like an eternity, our nurse came in and said it was our turn. I jumped up and was ready to bolt out the door. Tyler was sitting there playing on his phone, and the nurse asked if he wanted to come. I told him he had to. It could be the rounds that they tell us we're going home, he had to be there.
So we walked out to the nurses station and took our seats. The doctors and nurses talked about her numbers and how she was doing. The the Neonatologist looked at me and asked if we were ready to go home. Uh DUH! But I calmly said, yes we are ready. And the doctor said the best words I'd ever heard. "So, let it be done." I was a little shocked. Really? It's over, we get to go? I looked around at all the faces there and asked, so now what? Do we just pack her up and go?
There were a few things we had to get done first, one last feeding, some discharge papers, a vitamin perscription, and gathering up our stuff. While we were waiting for everything to be done, I went to the nurses station to talk to Ramona. Ramona was not one of our primary nurses, but I wish she would have been. She was with Madison during her first week in the NICU, and her last week in the NICU. Ramona was talking to another mother, so I just hung back and waited my turn. Ramona asked the other mother when she was going home. She responded that if everything went well, they would be going the next day. Ramona then turned to me and asked when we were going home. I looked at her with tears in my eyes and said "now, we're going home now." Ramona jumped up and rushed over to me. And I just lost it. She gave me a big bear hug, and I started crying. Oh but these were happy tears. For the first time since being in the NICU I was crying tears of joy. We get to go home! One leg of our journey was finally coming to a close.
At 1:45 I signed the discharge papers, and Tyler and I packed up our daughter and walked out of the NICU one last time. One last walk down that long hallway. We got into the car, and drove out of the parking lot one last time.
And now we are home. The three of us, our little family home at last. Madison is still on a small amount of oxygen, so we are tethered to an oxygen tank. And we can't go into the general public for about 3 months. But oh, to be home, to not have to GO somewhere to see my daughter. It's a feeling that I can't describe. It's wonderful. I walk a couple of steps and there she is. We've gone to the doctor twice since being home, and she is still doing great! We are starting to wean her off the oxygen. We're hoping to have her off that by then end of the month.
We decided not to announce her coming home on Facebook. She is still vunerable to germs. Because of that, we don't want any unexpected visitors. It's been hard for me not to announce it to the whole world. But I am one protective mama when it comes to my little girl. I don't want anyone that doesn't have the all clear to come near my daughter. Maybe in a few weeks I'll finally let people in my extended network know that she came home. But for now it's nice to be a family at home, in our own little world. It's been a long time coming, and I love every second of it.
We went back to NICU after catching a few ZZZ's after the nurse took her before morning rounds. The first thing out of my mouth as the day shift nurse came in (not one of our primary's unfortunatly) was "are we going home?" she informed me that we wouldn't find out until after rounds. My balloon instantly deflated. After spending over a month in the NICU I knew that rounds could happen as early as 10:00 am or as late as 1:00 pm. So Tyler and I settled into her room as Madison worked on her car seat test, and waited.
Lucky for me, rounds started at 11:00 on this day. So now we just had to wait our turn. The good thing about being in 'A' pod, most of the babies were/are whats called "feeder/growers" which for the most part, doesn't come with a whole lot of updates from the doctor. Of course on this day there were 2 critical babies in our pod, with a lot to talk about. I could see the gathering of Doctors and parents from our window/doors. I felt a little selfish, I just wanted all the other meetings to hurry up, so that we could have ours. I was a little anxious. After what seemed like an eternity, our nurse came in and said it was our turn. I jumped up and was ready to bolt out the door. Tyler was sitting there playing on his phone, and the nurse asked if he wanted to come. I told him he had to. It could be the rounds that they tell us we're going home, he had to be there.
So we walked out to the nurses station and took our seats. The doctors and nurses talked about her numbers and how she was doing. The the Neonatologist looked at me and asked if we were ready to go home. Uh DUH! But I calmly said, yes we are ready. And the doctor said the best words I'd ever heard. "So, let it be done." I was a little shocked. Really? It's over, we get to go? I looked around at all the faces there and asked, so now what? Do we just pack her up and go?
There were a few things we had to get done first, one last feeding, some discharge papers, a vitamin perscription, and gathering up our stuff. While we were waiting for everything to be done, I went to the nurses station to talk to Ramona. Ramona was not one of our primary nurses, but I wish she would have been. She was with Madison during her first week in the NICU, and her last week in the NICU. Ramona was talking to another mother, so I just hung back and waited my turn. Ramona asked the other mother when she was going home. She responded that if everything went well, they would be going the next day. Ramona then turned to me and asked when we were going home. I looked at her with tears in my eyes and said "now, we're going home now." Ramona jumped up and rushed over to me. And I just lost it. She gave me a big bear hug, and I started crying. Oh but these were happy tears. For the first time since being in the NICU I was crying tears of joy. We get to go home! One leg of our journey was finally coming to a close.
At 1:45 I signed the discharge papers, and Tyler and I packed up our daughter and walked out of the NICU one last time. One last walk down that long hallway. We got into the car, and drove out of the parking lot one last time.
And now we are home. The three of us, our little family home at last. Madison is still on a small amount of oxygen, so we are tethered to an oxygen tank. And we can't go into the general public for about 3 months. But oh, to be home, to not have to GO somewhere to see my daughter. It's a feeling that I can't describe. It's wonderful. I walk a couple of steps and there she is. We've gone to the doctor twice since being home, and she is still doing great! We are starting to wean her off the oxygen. We're hoping to have her off that by then end of the month.
We decided not to announce her coming home on Facebook. She is still vunerable to germs. Because of that, we don't want any unexpected visitors. It's been hard for me not to announce it to the whole world. But I am one protective mama when it comes to my little girl. I don't want anyone that doesn't have the all clear to come near my daughter. Maybe in a few weeks I'll finally let people in my extended network know that she came home. But for now it's nice to be a family at home, in our own little world. It's been a long time coming, and I love every second of it.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
She's My Miracle Babe!
As I sit here in the semi dark room that has belonged to Madison for the last 4 1/2 weeks, I am struck with a realization. It is time to say good bye to the NICU. At rounds this morning the doctor, told us that tomorrow would most likely be the big day. So we are planning on taking her home tomorrow. Getting all the final prep done at the hospital. Unless something happens tonight, she will be coming home tomorrow!!
This has been a very long journey. It's one that I would do again for Madison. She is so special to me, and is my little miracle baby. When I got pregnant back in July, I was a little worried. I'm the youngest in my family and other then watching my nieces and nephew for a few hours a couple times a week, I don't have a lot of experience with kids let alone babies. My pregnancy went very smoothly in the beginning. I had very little morning sickness, and really enjoyed watching my belly get bigger every month. And then swollen feet, and headaches started this whirlwind of an adventure.
I still lay awake at night and miss having Madison in my belly. It's kind of strange isn't it? I have this amazing little girl, but I miss her in my belly. I think it's because she was still supposed to be in there for another month. Also, I never got to go through labor, and have some closure to the pregnancy. I was pregnant and doing better on the meds they were giving me, and then all of the sudden I'm a Mom.
Part of me is going to miss this place. A very small piece of me. I love (most) of the nurses here, especially my primary care nurses who took care of Madison the most. And there are a few nurses that only had her once or twice, but made such an impact on us as a family. I will miss the routine, the familiarity of it all. I've never had my baby home, and in a way this feels like home. I have spent 7 weeks in this place. Two trying to keep Madison in, and 5 weeks moving toward getting her out. And now it's here. I can't quite believe it.
I look at my big 4 pound baby and she looks so big compared the the tiny 2 pound 9 ounce baby she was just a short 5 weeks ago. Her cheeks are filling out, she has a cute baby double chin, and her elephant knees are gone. She is still little, but she is my big girl now :)
As I sit here, I watched a new mom slowly walk into her room, still in her hospital gown. Probably wishing she could will her body to move just a little faster, cause your baby is waiting for you. It take me back to my first week. Remembering that first week is still so hard for me. All of the emotions that were going on. Seeing my sweet little girl with tubes, and wires all over. And not even being able to see her whole face because of the C-pap and eye protection she had on. Then think, it was a WHOLE 2 days before I got to hold that little girl to my chest. Oh man, that week was probably the worst of my life. The uncertainty of it all. And not being able to comfort her when she was crying and upset.
But my parents, my siblings, friends, and most importantly my husband, all told me that we would make it through this. And I knew we would. I just didn't know how long it would take. The doctors all said to anticipate going home around her due date. And here we are just a short 5 weeks later, and she's ready to go! All of the doctors and nurses are just shocked by how well she's doing. But I'm not. She's a fighter, she is made of good stock. The NICU is where I started out after all.
So tomorrow we get to start another adventure. Being home. And I can't wait to see how it goes!
This has been a very long journey. It's one that I would do again for Madison. She is so special to me, and is my little miracle baby. When I got pregnant back in July, I was a little worried. I'm the youngest in my family and other then watching my nieces and nephew for a few hours a couple times a week, I don't have a lot of experience with kids let alone babies. My pregnancy went very smoothly in the beginning. I had very little morning sickness, and really enjoyed watching my belly get bigger every month. And then swollen feet, and headaches started this whirlwind of an adventure.
I still lay awake at night and miss having Madison in my belly. It's kind of strange isn't it? I have this amazing little girl, but I miss her in my belly. I think it's because she was still supposed to be in there for another month. Also, I never got to go through labor, and have some closure to the pregnancy. I was pregnant and doing better on the meds they were giving me, and then all of the sudden I'm a Mom.
Part of me is going to miss this place. A very small piece of me. I love (most) of the nurses here, especially my primary care nurses who took care of Madison the most. And there are a few nurses that only had her once or twice, but made such an impact on us as a family. I will miss the routine, the familiarity of it all. I've never had my baby home, and in a way this feels like home. I have spent 7 weeks in this place. Two trying to keep Madison in, and 5 weeks moving toward getting her out. And now it's here. I can't quite believe it.
I look at my big 4 pound baby and she looks so big compared the the tiny 2 pound 9 ounce baby she was just a short 5 weeks ago. Her cheeks are filling out, she has a cute baby double chin, and her elephant knees are gone. She is still little, but she is my big girl now :)
As I sit here, I watched a new mom slowly walk into her room, still in her hospital gown. Probably wishing she could will her body to move just a little faster, cause your baby is waiting for you. It take me back to my first week. Remembering that first week is still so hard for me. All of the emotions that were going on. Seeing my sweet little girl with tubes, and wires all over. And not even being able to see her whole face because of the C-pap and eye protection she had on. Then think, it was a WHOLE 2 days before I got to hold that little girl to my chest. Oh man, that week was probably the worst of my life. The uncertainty of it all. And not being able to comfort her when she was crying and upset.
But my parents, my siblings, friends, and most importantly my husband, all told me that we would make it through this. And I knew we would. I just didn't know how long it would take. The doctors all said to anticipate going home around her due date. And here we are just a short 5 weeks later, and she's ready to go! All of the doctors and nurses are just shocked by how well she's doing. But I'm not. She's a fighter, she is made of good stock. The NICU is where I started out after all.
So tomorrow we get to start another adventure. Being home. And I can't wait to see how it goes!
Saturday, March 24, 2012
What a month
A lot can happen in one month. My baby is a month old today. It's crazy to think that it's already been a month, when some days if feels like this month has been going on forever. At 1:45 on February 24, my beautiful miracle baby came into my life. Some of the emotions I've experienced in the last month have been some of the most intense I've ever had. But I wouldn't change it for anything. The journey to get her here, was even eventful. But the end result was Miss Madison, and I would do it again for her, in a heartbeat.
In the last month, she was born. Taken immediately into the NICU, without seeing Mom or Dad first. It was 13 hours before I got to see her for the first time, and another 2 days before I could hold her. She was on a C-pap breathing machine, which came off after just 4 days. She was on IV nutrition, which came out after about a week. She had to lay under the Billie lights for a week. Was in an isolet for 3 weeks, now she thinks she's a big girl in a crib. She is still trying to master eating, and breathing, but she is getting there. She had her first bath, that she promptly pooped in. Madison is getting bigger everyday.
Her little personality is starting to shine through. She is a very good baby, until she gets mad. And then everyone around her knows. Once she has calmed down she makes this cute little grunting noise. As if to let you know, she's ok now, but you really did just make her mad, and you better not do it again. She loves kangaroo care times with Mommy and Daddy. She hates it when the Drs listen to her heart and belly, and really hates it when they measure her tummy (but what girl enjoys that?) And lately she seems to think it's a good idea to wait until the diaper is open before she poops. (That happened TWICE yesterday and ONLY to me lol) She knows when it's getting close to time to eat. She gets excited and starts trying to chomp and anything near her mouth. All of the nurses love her, and ask to be assigned to her. She has an amazing spirit, that has touched many people in her short life so far. She defiantly knows her mom and dad, and will look for where the sound of our voices are coming from. And will almost always calm, when Tyler starts singing to her.
I cannot wait to bring this little girl home! I can't wait to learn more about this little person, her likes and dislikes. We are getting closer everyday to that ultimate goal of home. Of course they won't give us a date, too much is still up in the air. But I'm getting excited for the day they say, she's ready. There will be tears of joy all over the place. I will be sad to leave the nurses behind, who I've come to call my friends. But you better believe I will not be sad to leave the hospital behind.
In the last month, she was born. Taken immediately into the NICU, without seeing Mom or Dad first. It was 13 hours before I got to see her for the first time, and another 2 days before I could hold her. She was on a C-pap breathing machine, which came off after just 4 days. She was on IV nutrition, which came out after about a week. She had to lay under the Billie lights for a week. Was in an isolet for 3 weeks, now she thinks she's a big girl in a crib. She is still trying to master eating, and breathing, but she is getting there. She had her first bath, that she promptly pooped in. Madison is getting bigger everyday.
Her little personality is starting to shine through. She is a very good baby, until she gets mad. And then everyone around her knows. Once she has calmed down she makes this cute little grunting noise. As if to let you know, she's ok now, but you really did just make her mad, and you better not do it again. She loves kangaroo care times with Mommy and Daddy. She hates it when the Drs listen to her heart and belly, and really hates it when they measure her tummy (but what girl enjoys that?) And lately she seems to think it's a good idea to wait until the diaper is open before she poops. (That happened TWICE yesterday and ONLY to me lol) She knows when it's getting close to time to eat. She gets excited and starts trying to chomp and anything near her mouth. All of the nurses love her, and ask to be assigned to her. She has an amazing spirit, that has touched many people in her short life so far. She defiantly knows her mom and dad, and will look for where the sound of our voices are coming from. And will almost always calm, when Tyler starts singing to her.
I cannot wait to bring this little girl home! I can't wait to learn more about this little person, her likes and dislikes. We are getting closer everyday to that ultimate goal of home. Of course they won't give us a date, too much is still up in the air. But I'm getting excited for the day they say, she's ready. There will be tears of joy all over the place. I will be sad to leave the nurses behind, who I've come to call my friends. But you better believe I will not be sad to leave the hospital behind.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
I just don't know yet.
As I was laying in bed last night, trying to get Tyler to have a late night conversation (it didn't last long, he started snoring before I could finish my thoughts lol) I realized something. I am still having struggles with Madison being in the NICU.
My little Miss Madison is doing very well, and our days have become pretty routine. I get the at 8:00ish, take her temp., change a diaper (sometimes 2 if she's not done with the first one yet), clean her little face, and feed her. Then we get some cuddle time in, and then we repeat every 3 hours. I stay from 8-1230 or 1, and then I come home and take care of my domestic stuff. And then after dinner Tyler and I go back to hospital for a few more hours.
But despite the routine we have, and the shaky confidence we are gaining, in learning how to take care of her, and that we are slowly getting closer to taking her home. In the back of my mind I worry that things might take a turn for the worst. It's hard to hear the calls for "code blue", and see the life flight crew walking around. I know that it could have very easily been us. But thank heavens it wasn't, and I pray every night that is isn't ever us.
You know what the most annoying thing people ask us now that she's been in the hospital for just about a month? "When is she coming home?" Or any variation of that question. Let me answer for you? I DON'T KNOW! Of course I don't answer that way, but sometimes I would like to. I usually opt for the polite "well it depends on her, and how she continues to do."
I know people are asking because the are curious. But guess what? So I am. I wish I knew when she is coming home. I wish I had an exact date for when I can bring her to her home, and tuck her into her bed. But the fact is, I don't know. And I won't know until a few days before I can bring her home. I believe me, when I find out what that date is I will shout from the roof tops that my baby is coming home! So until that day, I will keep answering the questions, that people will keep asking.
And this is pretty much what I would have told my sleepy husband, had he not started snoring during the middle of my thoughts. :)
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Oh Crap....Literally
Today, was a good day. We got to experience an awesome first with Madison. Although it was in a hospital setting, with a nurse helping a little. WE GOT TO GIVE MADISON A BATH!! She was still hooked up to her oxygen, and we needed some hints and encouragement from the nurse. So we didn't get to try and figure it out on our own. But in a way that's when being in the NICU is a blessing. We are learning how to take care of Madison with nurses by our sides. So when we get home, all we'll have to do is, pull up the advice from the nurses, and hope we don't mess it up too badly.
This evening, the nurse came into the room, and asked if we still wanted to give her a bath. Uh duh! Of course we did. So off she went to find a bath tub. When she came back, she had a large Tupperware container. I chuckled we get to bathe her in Tupperware! Because she is so small we had to do a swaddle bath. Which is exactly what it sounds like. We wrap her in a blanket and put her in the water. She stays in the blanket, and we uncover her to wash and then cover her back up. It keeps her warm, and feeling secure.
Everything was going well, I had her little toes and legs washed. She has a label taped to her leg with her information on it. It was time for a new one, so the nurse went to find some baby oil to get it off. While she was gone, I was trying to keep Madisons' binky in her mouth. And then I looked down towards her feet, and realized to my HORROR she had pooped in the bath! Now poop from a baby that is breast fed, is a little different. It is yellow, and kinda seedy, and floats. So it got EVERYWHERE! Tyler and I were laughing so hard. It was gross, but so funny. So being mom, I stuck my hands in the water to lift my baby up a little so that she wouldn't get it in her face.
In one night we had two first. A bath, and a poop in the bath. Even though they happened in the hospital it was a great memory, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
This evening, the nurse came into the room, and asked if we still wanted to give her a bath. Uh duh! Of course we did. So off she went to find a bath tub. When she came back, she had a large Tupperware container. I chuckled we get to bathe her in Tupperware! Because she is so small we had to do a swaddle bath. Which is exactly what it sounds like. We wrap her in a blanket and put her in the water. She stays in the blanket, and we uncover her to wash and then cover her back up. It keeps her warm, and feeling secure.
Everything was going well, I had her little toes and legs washed. She has a label taped to her leg with her information on it. It was time for a new one, so the nurse went to find some baby oil to get it off. While she was gone, I was trying to keep Madisons' binky in her mouth. And then I looked down towards her feet, and realized to my HORROR she had pooped in the bath! Now poop from a baby that is breast fed, is a little different. It is yellow, and kinda seedy, and floats. So it got EVERYWHERE! Tyler and I were laughing so hard. It was gross, but so funny. So being mom, I stuck my hands in the water to lift my baby up a little so that she wouldn't get it in her face.
In one night we had two first. A bath, and a poop in the bath. Even though they happened in the hospital it was a great memory, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
I've turned into a cow!
Boobs, today's topic is boobs. And well more specifically breast feeding. So any male followers I may have out there, consider yourself warned!
Before I got pregnant, I was against breast feeding. Not in general, but for myself. I wasn't breast fed and I turned out just fine! And while doctors say that breast milk is the best, I think babies can do just fine with formula. My decision was purely a selfish one. I didn't want my boobs to sag when I'm older. All the horror stories I'd heard through out the years didn't help either. Chapped nipples, clogged milk ducts...uhh no thank you. Plus, the thought of having a little creature attached to my boob ALL THE TIME (practically) was just not something that appealed to me at all.
THEN I got pregnant, and I started thinking about it. I mean women have been doing it for forever. Then I did some research. Yes, formula is just fine for babies, BUT breast milk is BETTER. There are things in it, that cannot be artificially made and added. For instance, I find it fascinating that she receives some of my immune system through breast milk. I still wasn't convince, but the idea was growing on me. And I figured I had 9 WHOLE months to wrestle with the idea. So I kind of put it on the back burner to deal with later.
And a short 7 months later, I was in the hospital, dealing with high blood pressure. It would have been nice to have made some of our major decisions before then. Because in those two weeks, my focus was on myself and keeping Madison safe for as long as I could. And really the thought of breast milk vs. formula never came up, and I didn't think about it.
However, the Sunday after she was born sooo Feb. 26th, the question was raised, and settled once and for all. I was in the NICU with Tyler and the nurse Ramona (amazing woman by the way) came in to talk to us about Madisons' care. The first thing she asked was breast or formula? And before I even had a chance to think about it, breast popped out of my mouth. I just knew then that I had to breast feed her. I had to give her the best fighting chance I could. Then Ramona asked us another question that kind of startled me. Obviously since I didn't carry to term, my body wasn't quite ready to produce milk yet. So what do you feed her while she waits for my milk to come in? I mean the girl still had to eat. The options were formula, or human pasteurized milk from donor moms. I was shocked! I had no idea that donor milk was even an option. Ramona assured us that the milk was safe and free of any diseases. Once again before I even had a chance to think about it, breast milk came out of my mouth. My reasons being, that once my milk did come in, it wouldn't be such a shock to her system. So after that visit I went up to my room and began to pump. Most of the nurses told me to give it about a week before my milk came in. But in a short 2 days, my milk came in, and it was the next day that I was producing enough for them to give her my milk exclusively.
So now I am attached to a breast pump...oh joy. Sometimes I worry that I'm not doing it enough (6-7 times a day) and that I may not be producing enough for her. But I remind myself, that I will give her everything I can for as long as I can. And if we have to switch to formula, or supplement with formula, then that's what we'll do.
I haven't actually gotten to try a real breast feeding session yet. Madison is still on a feeding tube. BUT today I got to experience something neat. I got to do what's called non-nutritive breast feeding. Basically I pump right before they get her out of the isolate. Then they give her to me, and we practice feeding with no milk in my breast. It gives her a chance to kind of explore this breast feeding thing. Its a totally foreign idea to her. While she is positioned on me the feed her through the feeding tube. That way she can start to associate being on Mommy, and sucking with getting full. We only did it for about 15 minutes today before she got bored and fell asleep. But it was still an awesome experience. And I can't wait to try it again!
And as for all the horror stories I heard? Well my nipples are sore most of the time, I feel like a cow ALL OF THE TIME. I can see why your boobs sag. They get full and firm, and then empty and kinda, well...floppy. And I'm sure I will get to experience many other "joys" of breast feeding. But ya know what? Madison is totally worth it! She has been worth every second of the experience.
Before I got pregnant, I was against breast feeding. Not in general, but for myself. I wasn't breast fed and I turned out just fine! And while doctors say that breast milk is the best, I think babies can do just fine with formula. My decision was purely a selfish one. I didn't want my boobs to sag when I'm older. All the horror stories I'd heard through out the years didn't help either. Chapped nipples, clogged milk ducts...uhh no thank you. Plus, the thought of having a little creature attached to my boob ALL THE TIME (practically) was just not something that appealed to me at all.
THEN I got pregnant, and I started thinking about it. I mean women have been doing it for forever. Then I did some research. Yes, formula is just fine for babies, BUT breast milk is BETTER. There are things in it, that cannot be artificially made and added. For instance, I find it fascinating that she receives some of my immune system through breast milk. I still wasn't convince, but the idea was growing on me. And I figured I had 9 WHOLE months to wrestle with the idea. So I kind of put it on the back burner to deal with later.
And a short 7 months later, I was in the hospital, dealing with high blood pressure. It would have been nice to have made some of our major decisions before then. Because in those two weeks, my focus was on myself and keeping Madison safe for as long as I could. And really the thought of breast milk vs. formula never came up, and I didn't think about it.
However, the Sunday after she was born sooo Feb. 26th, the question was raised, and settled once and for all. I was in the NICU with Tyler and the nurse Ramona (amazing woman by the way) came in to talk to us about Madisons' care. The first thing she asked was breast or formula? And before I even had a chance to think about it, breast popped out of my mouth. I just knew then that I had to breast feed her. I had to give her the best fighting chance I could. Then Ramona asked us another question that kind of startled me. Obviously since I didn't carry to term, my body wasn't quite ready to produce milk yet. So what do you feed her while she waits for my milk to come in? I mean the girl still had to eat. The options were formula, or human pasteurized milk from donor moms. I was shocked! I had no idea that donor milk was even an option. Ramona assured us that the milk was safe and free of any diseases. Once again before I even had a chance to think about it, breast milk came out of my mouth. My reasons being, that once my milk did come in, it wouldn't be such a shock to her system. So after that visit I went up to my room and began to pump. Most of the nurses told me to give it about a week before my milk came in. But in a short 2 days, my milk came in, and it was the next day that I was producing enough for them to give her my milk exclusively.
So now I am attached to a breast pump...oh joy. Sometimes I worry that I'm not doing it enough (6-7 times a day) and that I may not be producing enough for her. But I remind myself, that I will give her everything I can for as long as I can. And if we have to switch to formula, or supplement with formula, then that's what we'll do.
I haven't actually gotten to try a real breast feeding session yet. Madison is still on a feeding tube. BUT today I got to experience something neat. I got to do what's called non-nutritive breast feeding. Basically I pump right before they get her out of the isolate. Then they give her to me, and we practice feeding with no milk in my breast. It gives her a chance to kind of explore this breast feeding thing. Its a totally foreign idea to her. While she is positioned on me the feed her through the feeding tube. That way she can start to associate being on Mommy, and sucking with getting full. We only did it for about 15 minutes today before she got bored and fell asleep. But it was still an awesome experience. And I can't wait to try it again!
And as for all the horror stories I heard? Well my nipples are sore most of the time, I feel like a cow ALL OF THE TIME. I can see why your boobs sag. They get full and firm, and then empty and kinda, well...floppy. And I'm sure I will get to experience many other "joys" of breast feeding. But ya know what? Madison is totally worth it! She has been worth every second of the experience.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
3 pounds!
My baby is 2 weeks old today!!! In the last 2 weeks a lot has changed. We haven't gotten to experience the "normal" or "typical" milestones that come with most newborns. We have had a lot of our own milestones though. Like when they took her off the C-pap breathing machine, when they lowered the amount of oxygen she needs. Even the amount of food she is getting. Of course we have many more milestones too look forward to. Weaning her off oxygen completely, taking out her feeding tube, and of course the big one I CAN'T WAIT FOR, coming home! We still have a while before that last one happens, but it's coming!
This is has has been a long month. 2 weeks in the hospital trying to keep my blood pressure down, and Madison inside my belly. And so far 2 weeks in the NICU. Of course the NICU is actually harder on the parents I think. I spent 7 weeks in the NICU myself as a baby. And I don't remember any of it. My parents though, talking to them about it, and it's almost like they are there again. Madison just hangs out in her isolett growing like she's supposed to be. And while our situation is a mild one compared to others, it's still hard for me to handle some days. Every time she cries because someone woke her up to poke and prod at her it breaks my heart. All I want to do it pick her up and comfort her, but I can't. And the first time that happened, I lost it. I couldn't reach in and pick her up. So I sat in the chair and cried. It's not so bad now. I know that the nurses know what they're doing, and they aren't actually hurting her, she is just mad at being bothered. Every now and then I kinda chuckle. Because if she thinks you are mistreating her...she will let you know. She is feisty that way.
It's getting a little easier to leave her now. I get a little sad and teary eyed some days when I leave. But I keep the crying to a minimum now. At least when I'm leaving. I hate to go, but I also know that I cannot sit in the semi dark room all day. It can get a little depressing. So I leave for a little while every day. I usually come home and pump, and clean a little bit. And when it's time to go back I feel refreshed, and ready to take care of my baby.
I would say that we probably have at least 4 more weeks in the NICU. It will be a long road. But it's one that I would travel again and again for my Madison. If this is what she needs right now, then I'll be there for here. And I will wait for her milestones, and be excited when she gets to them. Her milestones may be a little different from a full term baby, but they are just as amazing. And when she is to the point where she is achieving the "normal" milestones, I will be so thankful for them.
And by the way her latest milestone was a pretty big one. My little baby girl is now officially 3 pounds!! She is quickly growing. And before I know it I will be able to pick her up for a snuggle any time I want. My arms cannot wait for that day!
This is has has been a long month. 2 weeks in the hospital trying to keep my blood pressure down, and Madison inside my belly. And so far 2 weeks in the NICU. Of course the NICU is actually harder on the parents I think. I spent 7 weeks in the NICU myself as a baby. And I don't remember any of it. My parents though, talking to them about it, and it's almost like they are there again. Madison just hangs out in her isolett growing like she's supposed to be. And while our situation is a mild one compared to others, it's still hard for me to handle some days. Every time she cries because someone woke her up to poke and prod at her it breaks my heart. All I want to do it pick her up and comfort her, but I can't. And the first time that happened, I lost it. I couldn't reach in and pick her up. So I sat in the chair and cried. It's not so bad now. I know that the nurses know what they're doing, and they aren't actually hurting her, she is just mad at being bothered. Every now and then I kinda chuckle. Because if she thinks you are mistreating her...she will let you know. She is feisty that way.
It's getting a little easier to leave her now. I get a little sad and teary eyed some days when I leave. But I keep the crying to a minimum now. At least when I'm leaving. I hate to go, but I also know that I cannot sit in the semi dark room all day. It can get a little depressing. So I leave for a little while every day. I usually come home and pump, and clean a little bit. And when it's time to go back I feel refreshed, and ready to take care of my baby.
I would say that we probably have at least 4 more weeks in the NICU. It will be a long road. But it's one that I would travel again and again for my Madison. If this is what she needs right now, then I'll be there for here. And I will wait for her milestones, and be excited when she gets to them. Her milestones may be a little different from a full term baby, but they are just as amazing. And when she is to the point where she is achieving the "normal" milestones, I will be so thankful for them.
And by the way her latest milestone was a pretty big one. My little baby girl is now officially 3 pounds!! She is quickly growing. And before I know it I will be able to pick her up for a snuggle any time I want. My arms cannot wait for that day!
Monday, March 5, 2012
Just a little info
So it's been a while since I've updated my blog. Things have been a little hectic lately. I have been discharged from the hospital, which was the hardest thing (or one of) I've ever had to do. I will write a separate blog about that, when I can get my emotions under control. Madison is still in the NICU but is doing great. My day goes as follows. Get up with Tyler, he takes me to the hospital at 7:30, I hang out with Miss Madison until around 12:30, when my Dad comes to pick me up, I hang out with my dad and nap until 5:00 when Tyler comes over from work. We all eat dinner, and then Tyler and I head home. We usually hang out while I pump some milk, then head back to the hospital at 7:30. We stay until around 10:00 and then head home, shower and go to bed. It won't be like that until Madison comes home. I just haven't been able to drive. I've been taking Percocet, and it makes me kinda loopy. But I haven't taken one today, so hopefully I can reclaim my car from my dads house where it's been for safe keeping for almost a month. Once I am mobile again, the schedule might alter a little.
So back to Madison. She is at a whopping 2 lbs. 13 oz. now. When she was born she was 2 lbs. 9 oz., and then dropped down to 2 lbs 6 oz. She she is really going up now. She is on a small amount of oxygen, and had all of her IV's taken out. So we are just waiting for her to gain weight. Once she does that she will be weened off the oxygen, and will be able to regulate her own temperature. Oh and she needs to learn how to eat. Now she is on a feeding tube. We should start to teach her how to feed within the next week.
So I know this was pretty brief, and not a lot of detail. But to be honest, it's exhausting to be dealing with all of this. And I still need to take a shower. So I just wanted to put some information out there for those of you who are wondering. Eventually I plan on blogging regularly again, but right now it really is at the bottom of my list of important things.
So back to Madison. She is at a whopping 2 lbs. 13 oz. now. When she was born she was 2 lbs. 9 oz., and then dropped down to 2 lbs 6 oz. She she is really going up now. She is on a small amount of oxygen, and had all of her IV's taken out. So we are just waiting for her to gain weight. Once she does that she will be weened off the oxygen, and will be able to regulate her own temperature. Oh and she needs to learn how to eat. Now she is on a feeding tube. We should start to teach her how to feed within the next week.
So I know this was pretty brief, and not a lot of detail. But to be honest, it's exhausting to be dealing with all of this. And I still need to take a shower. So I just wanted to put some information out there for those of you who are wondering. Eventually I plan on blogging regularly again, but right now it really is at the bottom of my list of important things.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Oh baby!!
Wow!! A lot has happened since my last post. In my last post I was frustrated because Madison's heart wasn't working like they wanted it too. Her base heart rate was typically around 129-135. So what they wanted to see was a heart acceleration of 10, twice in a twenty minute period. Well she just wasn't doing that. Her heartbeat was staying steady, she just wasn't moving enough to accelerate that little heartbeat. Which is concerning. One thing that the placenta does (at least to my knowledge, if I'm wrong let me know) is to supply Madison with blood, so that she can grow. Well the pre-eclampsia kinda messes up that whole process. With the HIGH blood pressure, my heart was making my placenta work too hard, making the veins smaller. So with the medication we were able to get that under control. But we knew from the beginning that if placenta decided to quit, that Madison would have to be delivered, despite what my blood pressure was. Well my placenta decided to quit. It wasn't pumping enough blood to Madison, so she was basically in survival mode. Trying to maintain a heart rate that would actually keep her alive.
So on the 23rd, after 2 stress test that showed little movement, they moved me to Labor and Delivery AGAIN, for prolonged testing. At that point I kind of knew it was over. They put me back on an IV, and told me no food or drink. They also put me on oxygen, to try and perk up Madison. When they took me of food and drink, I know something was up, they don't normally do that unless a C-section is in the future. So I cried a little and clung onto Tyler when I could. They watched me through the night. In the morning the Dr. came in and told me things went well through the night, and that they were taking me off oxygen to see how she would do over 4 hours. And then I KNEW we were done. I didn't think they would keep me on oxygen for 3 weeks to get me to 34 weeks. I think they gave me 4 hours, so that they could be me onto the schedule for a C-section.
At 12:00 pm the nurse came in and said that we were gonna go ahead for a C-section. So many emotions went through my mind. She wasn't done cooking, I was ready to let her out of my belly. C-sections are scary. Where's my mommy? Can I be a mommy? At this point it didn't matter anymore. It was gonna happen.
The nurse came in and explain pretty much step by step what they would be doing. And how it would most likely feel. And then the Dr. from the NICU came in and explained some of the complications that could occur with a preemie birth at this age. He explained that she had a very good chance of thriving.
My sister came, and hung around with Tyler and I until it was time for me to go back to the O.R. She hung out clear up until it was time for me to go back. Tyler donned some pretty awesome scrubs that made him look like the Micheline Man. I got an awesome blue cap, and we were ready.
The nurse gave me the option of walking, a wheel chair, or riding the bed back to the O.R. I chose to walk. It had been so long (2 weeks) since I'd been allowed to walk any where but to the bathroom. My legs were wobbly, a mix of nerves and not using them a lot for 2 weeks. I remember walking down the hall way holding Tyler's hand, thinking "I can't believe this is about to happen." The last 2 weeks the possibility of delivery has been lingering in my mind. Every time they took a BP, every time a doctor came in, every time a nurse asked if I was having any symptoms (which I never did). And now it was finally time to meet this little girl.
I have never had major surgery before. Unless you count your wisdom teeth being pulled, which I never did. It was weird walking into the O.R. It was bright, and there was a table in the middle of the room just for me. Oh man, I'm about to have an C-section. I sat down on the bed with Tyler in front of me and waited for the anesthesiologist to administer the epidural. I had to sit at the edge of the bed and curl forward. I had Tyler directly in front of me, with my hands in his. So that is what I chose to focus on. Obviously I'm not sure what was going on behind me. I could feel something being rubbed on, the doctor pressing down on the spine, and finally it was time for the shot. I felt in on the right side first. To begin with, it feels like you are putting just one leg into a warm pool, and then if feels just like your leg fell asleep. That weird tingly, numb sleep, not the poking painful kind. And then my left leg went numb. Now it was time to lie down...mmm ok. I was numb from my waist down, and you want me to put my legs up? Hahaha yeah, right. Of course I had a nurse with me the whole time, and Tyler. So I lay down on my left side from the butt up, and rolled to my back. Then the Nurse put my legs onto the table for me.
They put a sheet up so I couldn't see. however they did offer me a mirror if I wanted to see. I politely declined, I didn't need to see my stomach cut open, belch. They gave Tyler a stool and parked him above my head to the left. He had his hand on my head through out. I had my arms stretched out with IVs running. And I had what I call the shakes. It was cold in the O.R. So I was shivering, but occasionally I would start shaking. All the medication had something to do with it I'm sure, but I was also scared.
The Doctor asked me if I could feel anything sharp, and I said no. So they were ready to start. It is really a strange sensation. I was laying there looking into my husbands dark brown eyes, totally lucid, while they are cutting me open. I could feel pressure and tugging, which is kinda icky to think about. Speaking of icky, Tyler happened to look up (he could see over the sheet without straining) as they were hold up my tummy. I didn't know this of course. But all the sudden he started to sway back and forth. I remember asking him where he was going, and he turned white. So I told the nurse he was about to pass out. So they all rushed to his side, took his mask off, and tried to get him to calm down. And in my head I was thinking "I'm already a mom." here I was getting major surgery and I'm worrying about whether or not my husband is going to pass out. Then I found in humorous that I was the one giving birth, and he's hogging all the attention. Eventually he was well enough to be taken outside to get some fresh air, and a juice.
He wasn't in the room when Madison was born, but I don't think he would have been able to handle a blood covered Madison. I was just laying there trying to ignore the strange sensations that were going on. Because really it's enough to make you want to throw up. Suddenly, the Doc says it was time to pull her out and that I would feel some pressure. Wow a little pressure? That was an understatement. I couldn't feel any pain, but there was more then a little pressure. But as quickly as it was there, it was gone. And I strained my ears, and then I heard it. Her high pitched, pissed off cry!! Oh I was so happy! I laughed and sighed. I didn't know if she was okay, or what she looked like. But she cried! That was a pretty good start!
We were told she had to be delivered at just before noon on Feb. 24, 2012. And at 1:45 pm on Feb 24, 2012 Madison Ann Johnson was born! It went that quickly. The nurse was good enough to grab our camera and snap a picture before they whisked her away to the NICU. And now it was time to sew Mommy back up.
The sewing me back up is what took the longest. I have dissolving stitches internally, and staples externally. When we were first checked into the hospital we were told that there are 2 ways to do the surgery. One, is a traditional C-section. For this one, the make a crescent shaped incision horizontally just above the bikini line and go in. Once in they make ANOTHER horizontal cut in the uterus. The second type, is more commonly used for emergency c-sections. They start with a horizontal cut but once inside, the make a vertical incision. You want them to do the first set of incisions if you can help it. For one, it makes a vaginal delivery later on, possible. The also aren't cutting against the grain of muscle separating them. So it's easier to recover from. The reason I bring all this up? Well the doctor said originally that they may have to do a vertical cut through the uterus. And the reason for that is, the further along you are the thicker the uterine wall is. If it is too thin, they have to go vertically, simply to be able to stitch it back together. I was hoping that they would be able to do a traditional C-section, and cut horizontally both internally and externally. And the 2 weeks was enough for the uterus to thicken, and a traditional C-section was performed. Whew!
OH I forgot to mention, that Tyler was eventually brought back into the O.R. about 5 minutes after Madison was born. So he was there to hold my hand and stroke my head while they stitched me up.
The anesthesiologist gave me some pain medication while the surgery was still going. So in addition to being numb from the boobs down, I was starting to feel loopy. And itchy! The medication made my face itch. Which they told me was normal. I was instructed to not scratch with my nails, to just rub a little, but try to leave it alone. Oh yeah right. I tried my hardest but every couple of minutes, my shaky left hand made it's way up to my nose and lips. And Tyler would gently scold me, and back down my hand went.
Finally the doctor announced he was done. He looked over the sheet, and told me I did very well. Whew. I did good, and my baby cried , so now take me back to recovery so that I can go see her!
So I could keep going on with this story, but I think I'm gonna break it up a little. Other wise this post would be super long. It's a little long now.
I will say, that Madison it doing well. I went down 3 times today to see her. And while she is super small, she's a fighter! She screams when someone hurts her (drawing blood), and it's a pissed of scream. But oh so cute! It's amazing to love someone as much as I love her. I now know about the mama bear instinct. And I would do anything for my little Madison. She truly is a huge blessing in my life. And even though she's only 2 days old, I don't know what I would do without her.
So on the 23rd, after 2 stress test that showed little movement, they moved me to Labor and Delivery AGAIN, for prolonged testing. At that point I kind of knew it was over. They put me back on an IV, and told me no food or drink. They also put me on oxygen, to try and perk up Madison. When they took me of food and drink, I know something was up, they don't normally do that unless a C-section is in the future. So I cried a little and clung onto Tyler when I could. They watched me through the night. In the morning the Dr. came in and told me things went well through the night, and that they were taking me off oxygen to see how she would do over 4 hours. And then I KNEW we were done. I didn't think they would keep me on oxygen for 3 weeks to get me to 34 weeks. I think they gave me 4 hours, so that they could be me onto the schedule for a C-section.
At 12:00 pm the nurse came in and said that we were gonna go ahead for a C-section. So many emotions went through my mind. She wasn't done cooking, I was ready to let her out of my belly. C-sections are scary. Where's my mommy? Can I be a mommy? At this point it didn't matter anymore. It was gonna happen.
The nurse came in and explain pretty much step by step what they would be doing. And how it would most likely feel. And then the Dr. from the NICU came in and explained some of the complications that could occur with a preemie birth at this age. He explained that she had a very good chance of thriving.
My sister came, and hung around with Tyler and I until it was time for me to go back to the O.R. She hung out clear up until it was time for me to go back. Tyler donned some pretty awesome scrubs that made him look like the Micheline Man. I got an awesome blue cap, and we were ready.
The nurse gave me the option of walking, a wheel chair, or riding the bed back to the O.R. I chose to walk. It had been so long (2 weeks) since I'd been allowed to walk any where but to the bathroom. My legs were wobbly, a mix of nerves and not using them a lot for 2 weeks. I remember walking down the hall way holding Tyler's hand, thinking "I can't believe this is about to happen." The last 2 weeks the possibility of delivery has been lingering in my mind. Every time they took a BP, every time a doctor came in, every time a nurse asked if I was having any symptoms (which I never did). And now it was finally time to meet this little girl.
I have never had major surgery before. Unless you count your wisdom teeth being pulled, which I never did. It was weird walking into the O.R. It was bright, and there was a table in the middle of the room just for me. Oh man, I'm about to have an C-section. I sat down on the bed with Tyler in front of me and waited for the anesthesiologist to administer the epidural. I had to sit at the edge of the bed and curl forward. I had Tyler directly in front of me, with my hands in his. So that is what I chose to focus on. Obviously I'm not sure what was going on behind me. I could feel something being rubbed on, the doctor pressing down on the spine, and finally it was time for the shot. I felt in on the right side first. To begin with, it feels like you are putting just one leg into a warm pool, and then if feels just like your leg fell asleep. That weird tingly, numb sleep, not the poking painful kind. And then my left leg went numb. Now it was time to lie down...mmm ok. I was numb from my waist down, and you want me to put my legs up? Hahaha yeah, right. Of course I had a nurse with me the whole time, and Tyler. So I lay down on my left side from the butt up, and rolled to my back. Then the Nurse put my legs onto the table for me.
They put a sheet up so I couldn't see. however they did offer me a mirror if I wanted to see. I politely declined, I didn't need to see my stomach cut open, belch. They gave Tyler a stool and parked him above my head to the left. He had his hand on my head through out. I had my arms stretched out with IVs running. And I had what I call the shakes. It was cold in the O.R. So I was shivering, but occasionally I would start shaking. All the medication had something to do with it I'm sure, but I was also scared.
The Doctor asked me if I could feel anything sharp, and I said no. So they were ready to start. It is really a strange sensation. I was laying there looking into my husbands dark brown eyes, totally lucid, while they are cutting me open. I could feel pressure and tugging, which is kinda icky to think about. Speaking of icky, Tyler happened to look up (he could see over the sheet without straining) as they were hold up my tummy. I didn't know this of course. But all the sudden he started to sway back and forth. I remember asking him where he was going, and he turned white. So I told the nurse he was about to pass out. So they all rushed to his side, took his mask off, and tried to get him to calm down. And in my head I was thinking "I'm already a mom." here I was getting major surgery and I'm worrying about whether or not my husband is going to pass out. Then I found in humorous that I was the one giving birth, and he's hogging all the attention. Eventually he was well enough to be taken outside to get some fresh air, and a juice.
He wasn't in the room when Madison was born, but I don't think he would have been able to handle a blood covered Madison. I was just laying there trying to ignore the strange sensations that were going on. Because really it's enough to make you want to throw up. Suddenly, the Doc says it was time to pull her out and that I would feel some pressure. Wow a little pressure? That was an understatement. I couldn't feel any pain, but there was more then a little pressure. But as quickly as it was there, it was gone. And I strained my ears, and then I heard it. Her high pitched, pissed off cry!! Oh I was so happy! I laughed and sighed. I didn't know if she was okay, or what she looked like. But she cried! That was a pretty good start!
We were told she had to be delivered at just before noon on Feb. 24, 2012. And at 1:45 pm on Feb 24, 2012 Madison Ann Johnson was born! It went that quickly. The nurse was good enough to grab our camera and snap a picture before they whisked her away to the NICU. And now it was time to sew Mommy back up.
The sewing me back up is what took the longest. I have dissolving stitches internally, and staples externally. When we were first checked into the hospital we were told that there are 2 ways to do the surgery. One, is a traditional C-section. For this one, the make a crescent shaped incision horizontally just above the bikini line and go in. Once in they make ANOTHER horizontal cut in the uterus. The second type, is more commonly used for emergency c-sections. They start with a horizontal cut but once inside, the make a vertical incision. You want them to do the first set of incisions if you can help it. For one, it makes a vaginal delivery later on, possible. The also aren't cutting against the grain of muscle separating them. So it's easier to recover from. The reason I bring all this up? Well the doctor said originally that they may have to do a vertical cut through the uterus. And the reason for that is, the further along you are the thicker the uterine wall is. If it is too thin, they have to go vertically, simply to be able to stitch it back together. I was hoping that they would be able to do a traditional C-section, and cut horizontally both internally and externally. And the 2 weeks was enough for the uterus to thicken, and a traditional C-section was performed. Whew!
OH I forgot to mention, that Tyler was eventually brought back into the O.R. about 5 minutes after Madison was born. So he was there to hold my hand and stroke my head while they stitched me up.
The anesthesiologist gave me some pain medication while the surgery was still going. So in addition to being numb from the boobs down, I was starting to feel loopy. And itchy! The medication made my face itch. Which they told me was normal. I was instructed to not scratch with my nails, to just rub a little, but try to leave it alone. Oh yeah right. I tried my hardest but every couple of minutes, my shaky left hand made it's way up to my nose and lips. And Tyler would gently scold me, and back down my hand went.
Finally the doctor announced he was done. He looked over the sheet, and told me I did very well. Whew. I did good, and my baby cried , so now take me back to recovery so that I can go see her!
So I could keep going on with this story, but I think I'm gonna break it up a little. Other wise this post would be super long. It's a little long now.
I will say, that Madison it doing well. I went down 3 times today to see her. And while she is super small, she's a fighter! She screams when someone hurts her (drawing blood), and it's a pissed of scream. But oh so cute! It's amazing to love someone as much as I love her. I now know about the mama bear instinct. And I would do anything for my little Madison. She truly is a huge blessing in my life. And even though she's only 2 days old, I don't know what I would do without her.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Move baby, move!
I am a little frustrated today. Madison isn't moving as much as she should...or at least not when they monitor her and try to see the movement in action. I think she's moving enough. I mean she was twisting and turning this morning around 6 am when Tyler climbed into my little bed to snuggle me for a minute before getting ready for work. But since then not a whole lot. A few kicks and punch here and there, and a flutter occasionally. But as soon as we go down to do the "stress test".....nuthin. Her heart rate stays in the 125-135 range, but no big spikes, which is what they want to see. So now of course I'm worried. Should I have been paying more attention? So that I would know if this is unusual? Can you have baby that's just chill in the womb? Or is she trying to tell us, that she's had enough and it's time to make an appearance into this world? I don't want her to be done "cooking" It's a cold cloudy day, she is safer in my warm tummy and should just stay put. At least for another 4 weeks. Once we get to 34 weeks, then I'm good, she can come into this world and I will be a happy momma. Of course I'll be happy whenever she comes, but 34 weeks gives her time to fatten up and grow a little more.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
I'm SPECIAL!!
In case there was ever any question... I AM SPECIAL! Or at least a medical oddity, if you talk to my Doctors. Every morning a resident comes in at 6 am to give me an update on my condition. Followed by an attending at 8-ish (ALWAYS while I'm eating, it's annoying). And for the last couple of days all they've been able to tell me is "well you're doing good! Any questions?" And then leave in a flurry of white coats and green scrubs. Well this morning at around 8 as I was eating my breakfast the attending came in, with a resident and 2 med students. And today they had a little more to tell me. He said that they haven't ever had someone come in, in such bad shape, only to turn around and be stable for so long. I was also told that I no longer HAVE to have a c-section. If I continue this way, they should be able to induce me, without any problems. They also told me that the longest they will keep me here on medication will be 34 weeks. At 34 weeks if I'm still pregnant, they will induce me. At 34 weeks, they feel like they should induce. The baby will thrive when she's born, and shouldn't be in NICU for too long. They also made sure to say that things could change, my BP could go all haywire again. Which is always lingering in the back of my mind. But it is so nice to not worry every time they take my BP (which only happens every 4 hours now) And I've actually been getting some sleep at night which is always helpful. But funny thing, when they wake me up out of a deep sleep, my BP is always higher. Not dangerously high, mind you. It's still in normal range, just higher. So maybe just maybe they should just leave me alone.
So now there is a goal in site. Tyler and I were going for 34 weeks already, but for a doctor to confirm that number makes it real. Today I am 30.3 weeks. So only 3 1/2 weeks to go! And I will finally get to meet my little Miss Madison!
Thanks again for all the prayers, love, and good thoughts over the last 11 days. I know they are helping. And I will be forever thankful for them!
So now there is a goal in site. Tyler and I were going for 34 weeks already, but for a doctor to confirm that number makes it real. Today I am 30.3 weeks. So only 3 1/2 weeks to go! And I will finally get to meet my little Miss Madison!
Thanks again for all the prayers, love, and good thoughts over the last 11 days. I know they are helping. And I will be forever thankful for them!
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Just a short update
Guess what?! I was able to get out of my room today! And not just to go down to do the fetal monitoring. I actually got to get into a wheelchair, and go for a ride! Tyler took me on a tour of our floor, down to the main floor, and OUTSIDE! I only went outside for just a minute but it was so nice to feel the wind on my face. I haven't been outside since Friday.
So today I am 30.1 weeks. My Doctors didn't think I would last a couple of days, and here I am a WHOLE week later! My BP readings have been consistently low for the last 2 days. The highest today was 140/75. Which is still well within normal range. And because of this turn of events I no longer have to have my BP checked every 2 hours, they bumped it up to 4 hours. So I might actually be able to get some sleep tonight!
The last two days have been very good for me and Tyler. And we pray that it continues to go this way, at least for a couple more weeks. Everyday is a blessing, Miss Madison needs this time to grow big and strong!
Thanks again for all the support that we have received this last week. It means the world to us!
So today I am 30.1 weeks. My Doctors didn't think I would last a couple of days, and here I am a WHOLE week later! My BP readings have been consistently low for the last 2 days. The highest today was 140/75. Which is still well within normal range. And because of this turn of events I no longer have to have my BP checked every 2 hours, they bumped it up to 4 hours. So I might actually be able to get some sleep tonight!
The last two days have been very good for me and Tyler. And we pray that it continues to go this way, at least for a couple more weeks. Everyday is a blessing, Miss Madison needs this time to grow big and strong!
Thanks again for all the support that we have received this last week. It means the world to us!
Friday, February 17, 2012
A little emotional insight...i guess.
I am still in the hospital. I am still getting my BP checked every 2 hours. I still have pre-planned meals. I still get a heparin shot 3 times a day. I still take 2 kinds of blood pressure medicine three times a day. I still have a little baby in my belly. I still have many blessings to be thankful for.
Yesterday was an interesting day. Well, it started out interesting I should say. I was woken up by a nurse at 6:00 am telling me they were going to put me back on the IV and that I couldn't eat or drink anymore. Uh-oh, you know what that means? That means they are thinking about doing surgery. The nurse explained that because my BP readings had been so high during the night before, they were considering doing the c-section that morning. But of course they had to talk to the resident. Apparently they were going to try to lower my BP with medication one last time. And then make a decision. Tyler stopped by on his way to work, and I told him to stick around until they made a decision. At 9:00 am the word came that my BP had dropped enough to delay delivery again. The IV came out, and I got breakfast! And for the rest of the day, thru the night, and today my BP has stayed pretty stable.
I've finally accepted what's going on. And it's not so scary. Initially it was so frightening. I was told that my baby would be born within hours. I was taken via ambulance to a new hospital because I was expected to deliver that night. But once there they were able to calm things down. I've been told several times that delivery is imminent, and to prepare for the worst. Each time they are able to get things under control. Let me tell you how emotionally taxing it is to have to go through that everyday. It gets exhausting, physically and emotionally. And yesterday morning I just reached the point of acceptance. We have exhausted every option we have medically to delay birth. I am on the maximum amount of TWO kinds of blood pressure medication. So at this point, it's not an "IF" its a "WHEN." This baby is going to come sooner rather then later. And the doctors have already bought me and Madison an extra week together. (Yep I've been here for a week!) So when the moment comes, I will not pray to delay it anymore. I will pray for the strength to get through the surgery and to be able to focus on my new baby. And of course I will pray for Madison to be a tough little girl. But she's made from some pretty strong stuff. Her mommy went through this 28years ago when she was born.
I was born at 32 weeks. (2 weeks further along then Madison) I was just over 4 pounds, 2 more pounds then Madison is expected to be. My mom was on bed rest for 3 months. She was at home, but she also had 2 young boys too. The difference between me and Madison? Well other then the fact that the medical technology in 1984 isn't near what it is now. I didn't get a beta methasone shot to speed up the development of my lungs. So I spent 3 months at Primary Children's Medical Center, trying to grow my lungs. And I still have a lower lung capacity then someone born at full term. But I made it!! And I thrived. So if I can so can she!
But it still scares me. Do you know how small 2 pounds is? That is tiny!! How am I going to take care of that? I have a hard time holding a full term newborn that weighs 8 + pounds. And they want me to hold a 2 pounder....uhhh HELP! My mommy told me that it will come naturally though. So I will trust that. But it's still mind boggling to me.
Ok, so my pre-planned meal just showed up. I'm gonna go try to eat it. And tomorrow I plan to still be in the hospital, getting my vitals taken, shots given, and blessing counted! I just may or may not have a baby in my belly, but that's not really up to me.
Yesterday was an interesting day. Well, it started out interesting I should say. I was woken up by a nurse at 6:00 am telling me they were going to put me back on the IV and that I couldn't eat or drink anymore. Uh-oh, you know what that means? That means they are thinking about doing surgery. The nurse explained that because my BP readings had been so high during the night before, they were considering doing the c-section that morning. But of course they had to talk to the resident. Apparently they were going to try to lower my BP with medication one last time. And then make a decision. Tyler stopped by on his way to work, and I told him to stick around until they made a decision. At 9:00 am the word came that my BP had dropped enough to delay delivery again. The IV came out, and I got breakfast! And for the rest of the day, thru the night, and today my BP has stayed pretty stable.
I've finally accepted what's going on. And it's not so scary. Initially it was so frightening. I was told that my baby would be born within hours. I was taken via ambulance to a new hospital because I was expected to deliver that night. But once there they were able to calm things down. I've been told several times that delivery is imminent, and to prepare for the worst. Each time they are able to get things under control. Let me tell you how emotionally taxing it is to have to go through that everyday. It gets exhausting, physically and emotionally. And yesterday morning I just reached the point of acceptance. We have exhausted every option we have medically to delay birth. I am on the maximum amount of TWO kinds of blood pressure medication. So at this point, it's not an "IF" its a "WHEN." This baby is going to come sooner rather then later. And the doctors have already bought me and Madison an extra week together. (Yep I've been here for a week!) So when the moment comes, I will not pray to delay it anymore. I will pray for the strength to get through the surgery and to be able to focus on my new baby. And of course I will pray for Madison to be a tough little girl. But she's made from some pretty strong stuff. Her mommy went through this 28years ago when she was born.
I was born at 32 weeks. (2 weeks further along then Madison) I was just over 4 pounds, 2 more pounds then Madison is expected to be. My mom was on bed rest for 3 months. She was at home, but she also had 2 young boys too. The difference between me and Madison? Well other then the fact that the medical technology in 1984 isn't near what it is now. I didn't get a beta methasone shot to speed up the development of my lungs. So I spent 3 months at Primary Children's Medical Center, trying to grow my lungs. And I still have a lower lung capacity then someone born at full term. But I made it!! And I thrived. So if I can so can she!
But it still scares me. Do you know how small 2 pounds is? That is tiny!! How am I going to take care of that? I have a hard time holding a full term newborn that weighs 8 + pounds. And they want me to hold a 2 pounder....uhhh HELP! My mommy told me that it will come naturally though. So I will trust that. But it's still mind boggling to me.
Ok, so my pre-planned meal just showed up. I'm gonna go try to eat it. And tomorrow I plan to still be in the hospital, getting my vitals taken, shots given, and blessing counted! I just may or may not have a baby in my belly, but that's not really up to me.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Happy Valentines Day??? Exciting anyway.
Yesterday was Valentines Day!!! Wheee! Super exciting right? Meh, not so much. I don't really care so much about Valentines Day (or as my sister calls is, National Condom Awareness Day). My birthday is on Feb. 3rd, and to be honest I would rather celebrate my birthday in a BIG way, and forget about V-day. So for the past 3 years Tyler and I have gone somewhere for my birthday, and then on V-day, just said "Happy Valentines Day" "be mine" and quick kiss, and called it a day. But for the first time since we've been together Tyler and I actually had plans for V-day. It was nothing big, I was going to make his favorite meal. And thaw out his favorite Marie Callanders pie. Then we were gonna watch a movie. Well obviously that wasn't going to happen. I couldn't exactly make dinner. Although I suppose I could have thawed out a pie here at the hospital. I couldn't have eaten eat, so why torture myself. Even though those plans fell thru, I was determined to have a decent day.
Tyler went back to work for the first time since I came to the hospital, and so I got to spend the day with my Mommy. Yesterday morning started out "normally". I had my pre-planned breakfast, and got my shots, and vitals taken. Just a normal day for me. After breakfast I had some flowers delivered! Some pretty white and pink daisies from my mommy. I haven't gotten flowers in ages! And of course my Mommy knows that daisies are my favorite! So that alone would have made my day.
I was able to get a shower in, which you don't even know how good a shower feels, when you are trapped in the hospital. And I even dried and did my hair. I felt half way normal! It's a good thing I showered too. My Uncle Bret stopped by. He is my moms little brother, and I haven't seen him since my wedding. And he brought me MORE daisies!!! These ones are orange and yellow. It was nice to see some of my extended family. I don't see my Mom's family often. And it was cool that they actually cared enough to come see me. Although I'm sure they came to see my Mom as much as me. After chatting for a little bit he left, and my mom and I were left to the quite again.
My dad made his daily stop, and brought me MORE flowers! A big bouquet of white, red and pink flowers. I have no clue what kind of flowers they are, but they sure smell good. I have a room full of flowers at this point, and I wasn't done yet. Tyler's work sent me an amazing bouquet as well. Full of lillys roses, and MORE daisies! And last but not least, Tyler brought me one last vase of pink daisies. Lemme tell you what I have never gotten so many flowers in my life! OH and I didn't just get flowers! Sherri brought me a stuffed teddy bear with a HUGE baby monkey balloon attached. She has decided she's going to call Madison "monkey" which I am totally fine with. Aunt Sherri, can call that little girl monkey all day long. So needless to say, I was a little spoiled yesterday.
So for a Valentines Day stuck in the hospital, it wasn't turning out half bad....and then the sun went down. As you all know, the Dr's are trying to keep my blood pressure under control. They've got me on the maximum dosage of 2 different BP medications. So there really isn't much else they can do if it continues to go up. Of course I already knew that. The only cure for pre-eclampsia is delivery, so eventually it's going to happen. But I just want to keep Madison in my belly for as long as I can. Well last night all of my BP readings were elevated, so the resident Dr decided it would be best to send me back downstairs. It was looking like it was time to deliver. At least that's how the nurses were acting. So I broke down. I was so scared, I really don't want to go back downstairs. I'm not quite ready to let this little girl out yet. But we went downstairs anyway. And of course once we got down there, we found out that it wasn't quite the emergency we thought it was. The Dr, just wanted me to be were they could watch me closer for a few hours. And once we got down there things started to calm down a little, enough to send me BACK upstairs.
I think there were some issues with the nurses and CNA's. Now I DO NOT know how to do their jobs, and have no clue how hard it is to be a nurse or CNA. But I DO know how hard it is to be a patient. Every time they couldn't get the BP cuff to work, or would decide to run the test again because it was high and "had to be wrong" I get worked up and nervous. And I don't know they exact details on what effects the BP readings, but I know that if my heart is racing because I'm worried about it, then it's gonna mess some stuff up. So while I was downstairs I told one of the nurses, how disappointed I was in the care I was receiving upstairs. And while she couldn't do anything about it herself, she passed the information along to the charge nurse upstairs. And today things have been going much better. My BP's are still a little high, but are stable for the time being. I've been practicing the art of meditation, and relaxing. And while I know relaxing will only delay the inevitable, it's something I have to do. Because I am going to try and delay the inevitable for as long as I can!
So that is my update from yesterday. Nothing excited has happened today. Just a relaxing massage, and some more quality time with my mommy! And we're hoping that when the sun goes down, nothing crazy will happen!
Tyler went back to work for the first time since I came to the hospital, and so I got to spend the day with my Mommy. Yesterday morning started out "normally". I had my pre-planned breakfast, and got my shots, and vitals taken. Just a normal day for me. After breakfast I had some flowers delivered! Some pretty white and pink daisies from my mommy. I haven't gotten flowers in ages! And of course my Mommy knows that daisies are my favorite! So that alone would have made my day.
I was able to get a shower in, which you don't even know how good a shower feels, when you are trapped in the hospital. And I even dried and did my hair. I felt half way normal! It's a good thing I showered too. My Uncle Bret stopped by. He is my moms little brother, and I haven't seen him since my wedding. And he brought me MORE daisies!!! These ones are orange and yellow. It was nice to see some of my extended family. I don't see my Mom's family often. And it was cool that they actually cared enough to come see me. Although I'm sure they came to see my Mom as much as me. After chatting for a little bit he left, and my mom and I were left to the quite again.
My dad made his daily stop, and brought me MORE flowers! A big bouquet of white, red and pink flowers. I have no clue what kind of flowers they are, but they sure smell good. I have a room full of flowers at this point, and I wasn't done yet. Tyler's work sent me an amazing bouquet as well. Full of lillys roses, and MORE daisies! And last but not least, Tyler brought me one last vase of pink daisies. Lemme tell you what I have never gotten so many flowers in my life! OH and I didn't just get flowers! Sherri brought me a stuffed teddy bear with a HUGE baby monkey balloon attached. She has decided she's going to call Madison "monkey" which I am totally fine with. Aunt Sherri, can call that little girl monkey all day long. So needless to say, I was a little spoiled yesterday.
So for a Valentines Day stuck in the hospital, it wasn't turning out half bad....and then the sun went down. As you all know, the Dr's are trying to keep my blood pressure under control. They've got me on the maximum dosage of 2 different BP medications. So there really isn't much else they can do if it continues to go up. Of course I already knew that. The only cure for pre-eclampsia is delivery, so eventually it's going to happen. But I just want to keep Madison in my belly for as long as I can. Well last night all of my BP readings were elevated, so the resident Dr decided it would be best to send me back downstairs. It was looking like it was time to deliver. At least that's how the nurses were acting. So I broke down. I was so scared, I really don't want to go back downstairs. I'm not quite ready to let this little girl out yet. But we went downstairs anyway. And of course once we got down there, we found out that it wasn't quite the emergency we thought it was. The Dr, just wanted me to be were they could watch me closer for a few hours. And once we got down there things started to calm down a little, enough to send me BACK upstairs.
I think there were some issues with the nurses and CNA's. Now I DO NOT know how to do their jobs, and have no clue how hard it is to be a nurse or CNA. But I DO know how hard it is to be a patient. Every time they couldn't get the BP cuff to work, or would decide to run the test again because it was high and "had to be wrong" I get worked up and nervous. And I don't know they exact details on what effects the BP readings, but I know that if my heart is racing because I'm worried about it, then it's gonna mess some stuff up. So while I was downstairs I told one of the nurses, how disappointed I was in the care I was receiving upstairs. And while she couldn't do anything about it herself, she passed the information along to the charge nurse upstairs. And today things have been going much better. My BP's are still a little high, but are stable for the time being. I've been practicing the art of meditation, and relaxing. And while I know relaxing will only delay the inevitable, it's something I have to do. Because I am going to try and delay the inevitable for as long as I can!
So that is my update from yesterday. Nothing excited has happened today. Just a relaxing massage, and some more quality time with my mommy! And we're hoping that when the sun goes down, nothing crazy will happen!
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