She's My Miracle Babe!

As I sit here in the semi dark room that has belonged to Madison for the last 4 1/2 weeks, I am struck with a realization.  It is time to say good bye to the NICU.  At rounds this morning the doctor, told us that tomorrow would most likely be the big day.  So we are planning on taking her home tomorrow.  Getting all the final prep done at the hospital.  Unless something happens tonight, she will be coming home tomorrow!!

This has been a very long journey.  It's one that I would do again for Madison.  She is so special to me, and is my little miracle baby.  When I got pregnant back in July, I was a little worried.  I'm the youngest in my family and other then watching my nieces and nephew for a few hours a couple times a week, I don't have a lot of experience with kids let alone babies.  My pregnancy went very smoothly in the beginning.  I had very little morning sickness, and really enjoyed watching my belly get bigger every month.  And then swollen feet, and headaches started this whirlwind of an adventure.

I still lay awake at night and miss having Madison in my belly.  It's kind of strange isn't it?  I have this amazing little girl, but I miss her in my belly.  I think it's because she was still supposed to be in there for another month.  Also, I never got to go through labor, and have some closure to the pregnancy.  I was pregnant and doing better on the meds they were giving me, and then all of the sudden I'm a Mom.

Part of me is going to miss this place.  A very small piece of me.  I love (most) of the nurses here, especially my primary care nurses who took care of Madison the most.  And there are a few nurses that only had her once or twice, but made such an impact on us as a family.  I will miss the routine, the familiarity of it all.  I've never had my baby home, and in a way this feels like home.  I have spent 7 weeks in this place.  Two trying to keep Madison in, and 5 weeks moving toward getting her out.  And now it's here.  I can't quite believe it.

I look at my big 4 pound baby and she looks so big compared the the tiny 2 pound 9 ounce baby she was just a short 5 weeks ago.  Her cheeks are filling out, she has a cute baby double chin, and her elephant knees are gone.  She is still little, but she is my big girl now :)

As I sit here, I watched a new mom slowly walk into her room, still in her hospital gown.  Probably wishing she could will her body to move just a little faster, cause your baby is waiting for you.  It take me back to my first week.  Remembering that first week is still so hard for me.  All of the emotions that were going on.  Seeing my sweet little girl with tubes, and wires all over.  And not even being able to see her whole face because of the C-pap and eye protection she had on.  Then think, it was a WHOLE 2 days before I got to hold that little girl to my chest.  Oh man, that week was probably the worst of my life.  The uncertainty of it all. And not being able to comfort her when she was crying and upset.  

But my parents, my siblings, friends, and most importantly my husband, all told me that we would make it through this.  And I knew we would.  I just didn't know how long it would take.  The doctors all said to anticipate going home around her due date.  And here we are just a short 5 weeks later, and she's ready to go!  All of the doctors and nurses are just shocked by how well she's doing.  But I'm not.  She's a fighter, she is made of good stock.  The NICU is where I started out after all.

So tomorrow we get to start another adventure.  Being home.  And I can't wait to see how it goes!